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MissPandora

Marriage

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MissPandora

I've seen the stories of people being accepted by their non-H partners, but I'm wondering if any of these people ever get married. I'm very newly diagnosed, and I'm having fears that my chances of getting married to someone I love are squashed. I can't imagine a guy being okay with using condoms all through a marriage, and my only hope is to find someone that would be okay with catching it as a worse case scenario. Is there any hope?

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JBnATL

Yes there is hope

I have dated many non h women and it has never been a problem for them. A couple we even talked about marriage and it wasn't even in the discussion.

I have been in other h chat rooms and have chatted with several people who have been married decades and never passed it along to their spouse.

There is hope for you.

Good luck!

JB

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bluefish

Me and my ex-fiance didn't use condoms because we were both HIV negative. I was on suppressive therapy for a year and then went off of it. We were together a total of 3 years. He did get tested once and didn't have it. As far as I know he never contracted it.

I've known other people that have herpes and have gotten married to people without it.

There is hope - you are not doomed.

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catiesmom

I just got married 3 months ago. I got it before i met my husband, and he didn't care. I told him, obviously, before putting him at risk, and the condom thing (which was his big deal, even before he knew about my H) didn't last very long. Now we only use them to avoid pregnancy. He really just doesn't care.

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chooseyourbattles

If people are willing to accept herpes for casual sex, there is no way in hell that more people won't be willing to accept it for marriage. Since herpes is primarily a social disease, not a physical one, if someone believes that you will be his last partner, he won't have to protect himself.

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Still Happy

Of course there is hope. There are two ways to look at it: one is that there are millions of people dealing with some form of HS, so many that your likely to come across one (or many) and at that point there is no issue right?

On the flip side if your dealing with a person who does not have it simply say "1 in 4 people have this skin condition and most don't even know they do. The odds of finding that one person who will care for you the way I will are 1 in a million." and see what they say to that :)

You don't need luck just believe in yourself. Your body has this tiny, tiny issue that your heart will totally eclipse in the eyes of those who will someday meet you.

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MissPandora

Thanks, you guys. It's just so hard when some guys are so scared of this virus. One of my guy friends (who's 35 I might add) is convinced that people with H *have* to only date people on STD dating sites. I know that I was always open minded enough to date someone with it (I felt this way before I got it), so I feel like my perfect match would be a pretty open minded person too. I'm open to the dating sites, but I don't want to always feel like a leper! Reading your stories gives me hope. It's hard when you feel all alone in this. I've always wanted to marry and have children...praying that God will make that happen.

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catiesmom

Sounds like your friend is horribly underinformed. Sounds like the kind of person who wouldn't get a bump checked out just cause he's in denial. I hope he realizes there's a 25% chance he's got it already....

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MissPandora

So true! This has already kind of ruined my friendship with him. I can't stand close minded people. And to think I almost dated him. He has said twice to me, "my ex girlfriend got herpes AFTER we broke up, thank God". I know it's cruel, but I hope he gets it. Ha!

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catiesmom

I had a guy say that to me one time too. He INSISTED it was AFTER. INSISTED. Then, of course, he didn't reciprocate any of my advances, and continues to hook up with these horrible girls. I would laugh so hard if he had it and just didn't want to tell me!

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