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redyellowpurpleblue

when do I do this talk?

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redyellowpurpleblue

hey, I am starting to REALLY like this girl but im taking things really slowly. basically her rejecting me becoz of an uneducated misunderstanding would be like never getting married.

I don't think we'd ever have sex before marriage so when abouts do i have the talk? i have other personal things i need to tell her aswell

like, i had some bad mental health problems and im crap in bed etc.

i dont think its right to tell her ALL this stuff straight away though. she'd run a mile! shes a "good" girl (religous) so these problems might seem scary to her especially if she doesn't understand straight away. i still need 2 find out exactly what is happening with my knob (herpes or whateva else the F it culd be (all tests ever done said no std)). should i tell her there are things i need to tell her but its gonna take time?

she might nag about it all the time and blame me for not being honest?

do i have to tell her before we go out? the thing is that wouldnt be long enough and if i did leave it ages she'd think im not gonna ask her out and would go off me probably.

do i only have to tell her before any sex? we held hands once and i touched her arm, should i have told her before even doing that!?

i dunno what to do but i am so scared of losing her and i feel she could be "it".

what the hell do i do? i dont wanna lose this one, i dont wanna be dishonest either but i dont wanna irrationally scare her off me.

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justmyself

Sounds to me like you are over-thinking things. You don't have to disclose any potential STDs (which you aren't even sure you have) until you know that there is a potential for having sex. As far as anything else you want to disclose, just take things slow. Just have normal conversations with this girl and if an opening happens where something personal about yourself can be disclosed, go ahead and disclose it. Don't tell her everything negative about yourself all at once. Let her get to know you first so she can discover the positive things about you before hearing all the negative things. Just chill and take things one step at a time.

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redyellowpurpleblue

.

Sounds to me like you are over-thinking things. You don't have to disclose any potential STDs (which you aren't even sure you have) until you know that there is a potential for having sex. As far as anything else you want to disclose, just take things slow. Just have normal conversations with this girl and if an opening happens where something personal about yourself can be disclosed, go ahead and disclose it. Don't tell her everything negative about yourself all at once. Let her get to know you first so she can discover the positive things about you before hearing all the negative things. Just chill and take things one step at a time.

thanks, thats really good advice. feel like less of a wankah now

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breckgirl

I was talking to a person who has herpes type 2. Recently he told me that he found out he has some sort of disease that causes the blood flow to your extremities (fingers, feet, etc.) to be restricted and could result in amputation. Then he asked me if I still wanted to date him...so...I made light of the situation and I said this:

"Well gosh [name withheld]. Do you at least have a large penis? Because with herpes AND a disease that could result in the loss of your fingers and feet, you should have at least SOMETHING to bring to the table in a relationship. Mad skills perhaps? Do you know any tricks?" Then I told him that I would still like to get to know him and hope for the best.

He laughed at this and it made him feel better to know that although his afflictions were important, they were not deal breakers. We all have stuff going on in our life and it is hard to figure out when the proper time is to disclose things that you believe may be a big deal to someone. Wait on the STD talk until you are going to actually have sex or your relationship is pointed in that direction (you may not even have anything since you haven't been tested yet). As far as your mental health issues, if you take medication that makes you feel normal, make sure she knows this in case you go off of your meds and begin to act different, that way she will have some clue as to what is going on with you. Crap in bed...hmmm...that is a tough one...keep this one to yourself and watch a couple of karma sutra videos in preparation for the big night.

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justmyself

I agree "crap in bed" can be fixed! Learn some new techniques. With the internet, there is tons of information right at your fingertips (pun intended :D). Talk to some girls, ask them what they like/don't like. Talk to the girl you are having sex with. If you are comfortable enough to be having sex with her, you should be comfortable enough to ask her what she likes/doesn't like. Have her demonstrate herself. There are endless options.

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gotitsowhat

Wait

until you are ready to ask her to marry you. The only reason people have any real obligation to disclose about herpes is when sexual intimacy is about to occur. From what you have posted, sex outside of marriage is not an option for you two. So the time to discuss something like this would be if you and she were getting engaged or about to be married.

As far as the mental stuff goes, we all have glitches and areas where we don't function well. If she gets to know you well enough to want to marry you, I would imagine she would know you well enough by then to have evaluated how she might or might not accept your personal problems and limitations; that is just part of the normal course of getting to know another person. I don't think you need to see these things as subjects for specific confessions--they're just information about you that a person would discover in getting to know you well. Take the time to get to know each other--which will probably involve many personal disclosures about many things for both of you--and tell her your personal stuff when the time is right, just like you would disclose any other intimate thing at the appropriate point of the relationship. One clue to that point would be when she starts telling you a lot of personal stuff of her own.

As for your lack of confidence in bed, I agree with others on this board, this can be improved. You know yourself best. Decide what you could do to improve this situation. And remember, from a woman's point of view, especially a very young woman with spiritual core values, the emotional side of love is far more important than any slick "technique" you might pick up. However, things like premature ejaculation and other minor sexual problems can usually be fixed and often people just grow out of them with more experience. Do some research, don't be afraid to ask a doctor (a good doctor) some questions and see what you can do. The most important thing is that you develop some confidence. As any older woman with some heterosexual experience can tell you, lots of men who are horrible in bed, who are completely insensitive to women, think they are really hot stuff. Happens all the time. They're wrong about themselves and how women perceive them--and maybe you are, too. There is no one way to please a woman because every woman is different and so are men. It might turn out to be fun on your wedding night (if you get that far!) when you say to her, "I haven't had a lot of experience with sex and in the past this kind of thing has been awkward for me. I have a feeling we are going to have a lot of fun teaching each other. You make me glad I don't know that much so we can learn it all together."

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redyellowpurpleblue

.

thanks. I know many people think that about premature ejaculation but its very rare your body changes like that for the good.

there is no cure and there is even less likely to be one than for herpes. hopefully she won't be too disgusted about me being able to stimulate her in other ways if the time ever comes.

thanks for the advice everyone. i geniounely love you all *hugs*.

the internets such a liey place. those kegels rubbish are scams.

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