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IBelongtoMe

Oh Boy - I think I F*ed it up (again!)

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IBelongtoMe

i sent a text to my partner tonight cuz i went back to the doc

today - he kinda pissed me off though - i asked him to do the IGG Blood test to see how long it's been in my system - he said, 'what's the point? what's that gonna prove?' I was like, how long i've had it. he's like, 'well you have it. what will those tests prove?”

and then he said that he wouldn't cuz i'd have to pay out of pocket cuz insurance doesn't cover it?

so then he said i've had it no more than a few weeks to a month - well i said, i haven't had sex in 2 1/2 weeks because that's how long my period lasted this time. then he said - well a month then.

GGGRR!!! I WANT ANSWERS PEOPLE!!!

but that's not why i'm worried and mad at myself

so i wanted to tell my partner that i 've had it at most a month probably which means i got it from him, not from being raped previously cuz the doc said i would have had a breakout sooner

well, i said, "do you work tonight? i got something to tell u"

he wrote back, "what"

i said i'd like to tell him in person

he said, he was tired and had to work

so i said, 'well im going out so i'll see ya out but i have my house to myself tonight if you wanna come over and chill after work (he's getting off right about now)

he said 'oh ok but probably not though'

cuz he's usually tired after work...

well me being the IIIIIIDDDDIIIOOOTTTT i am i wrote

"probably not tonight or ever again?" (to getting together)

GOD!!! WWHY DID I WRITE THAT!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

My friend says that it was good i wrote it because I need to know - I"M AN IDIOT!! He was probably just saying to tonight!!!

But I went out and my friends and I were at his work for like 2 hrs tonight (He works at Buffalo Wild Wings) cuz they ate and people joined us and ate - I was SSSOO nervous going there - and I don't remember if he said Hi to me - I think he did but I have NO IDEA!! He waved bye to me I know that but...I felt so weird!!!

WHY!!!?!? WHY DO I F THINGS UP!!?!

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sun seeker

Lol i wouldnt worry too much i think many of us have done something like that at one time or another..

You acted out of frustration... starting with your drs terrible bedside mannor and ending in you bfs reluctance to meet you.

Your bf was probably genuinely tired after working and wondered what on earth you reaction was all about.

Its important for you to be clear and calm when you do talk to him about your diagnosis, dont forget this has been a shock for you so it is going to be a shock for him too

With regard to you dr i wonder if it would be possible to see a different dr, one that would be more open to your requsts and more understanding of your needs.

I hope all works out for you..

Good luck...

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