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smithconfused

Never want to have sex

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smithconfused

Ladies, I would like your feedback. Gents you can respond too. Since, I've been diagnosed a couple months ago, I never want to have sex with my fiance. I feel soo gross, dirty and nasty. I mostly feel unsexy. I do not want him to touch me, kiss me, cuddle, any of that. I know it's unfair to him, but I am just not myself right now. Honestly, don't know when I will ever be that carefree, sexxxy, beautiful girl I once was.

I have HSV1 and HSV2. He definitely as HSV1 because he gets coldsores but hasn't had one in over a year. However, he does not show any signs of GHSV2...no outbreaks, itching, sores, tingling, none of that. I would like him to get tested and he said he will, but it is obviously not a big deal to him. He loves me unconditionally. I think another concern of mine is if I did not contract the virus from him and contracted from an ex years ago, and my partner is negative, I would hate to pass to him :( I am not in the right mental state. How can you enjoy intimacy or sex if your always thinking bout H and other shyte on your mind :(:confused:

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JBnATL

You can have an active sex life

What you are going through is normal. It is just a phase that hopefully will pass soon.

The more you know about this, the more you will realize it is pretty much a harmless little virus. And have you read where it is more difficult for a guy to get it from a girl than vice versa? So even if you have it it does not automatically mean that you will pass it along. I have chatted with many married people who have been married for years without passing this along.

Your profile states you live in New York. Hopefully you are near a major city. Most metro areas have support groups that meet regularly. Do a search for one in your area. Seeing other normal people like you will help you accept this 'gift'.

And come to the chat room. There are many nice people there.

Good luck!

JB

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seafree

feel the same

I am going through the same thing. I don't want to have sex ever again.

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regret

its common to feel this way when first diagnosed..in time with you educating yourself about the virus the less fear you will have..we all thought our sex life was over when we first found out..but in time you learn to live with it and it really is not a big deal... be caredul not to shut him out completely,, state your fears with your boyfriend and tell him you need time to come to grips with this..after you have it for a year..it wont seem so bad..its bad the first 6 mo..get put on suppressive medication,,that does help reduce the chances of transmitting.. the chances of you getting pregnant while on birth control is higher than him getting it while your on suppressives,,and the chances are low anyway sinse he has type 1..i wouldnt worry about it so much...my boyfriend has type 1, and i have type 2,, he stilll hasnt gotten it from me and we have unprotected sex.. his type 1 antibodies protects him from getting it from me..

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new2hsv2

No sex

Sex is the furthest thing from my mind! I too feel dirty and gross. I know that I am the same person that I was a month ago, before having an OB and being diagnosed with HSV2. I know that eventually I will be an even better person for it (casual sex will never happen again).

I just haven't come to terms with this yet. I feel GROSS! He just got his test results back yesterday, and they were negative. So, it will be a waiting game to be retested 3 or 6 months down the road...I know I won't be having sex until those results come in! I was soooo sure that he gave this to me. Now I am freaking out that I exposed him to it. 4 days after the last time we were together, I had an outbreak...so, I am thinking the virus was probably active at that point, right?

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smithconfused

Thank you all for your feedback. Wish I could be that carefree person who enjoyed sex before. Hopefully, once I learn to manage the virus, I can get back to old self.

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WarriorKing

I want to make love as many times as I might before I leave this earth. Yeah, sex is part of it. If you have someone right there with you smithconfused who does love you unconditionally then you are right where many people on this site dream that they could be.

I suggest no intimacy during OBs. But otherwise, protect as much as you both feel comfortable with during intimacy and embrace this lover.

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Now18

I felt gross and "impure" when I first contracted herpes as well, but it passed. It's really the stigma that's associated with STDs that's making you feel that way, and like everyone else is saying- researching the virus may help you get over those irrational feelings. Just because you have an STD does not make you gross or unhealthy. 80% of women get HPV at some point in their life, and most don't know it. 2 out of 3 people have HSV-1 and I'm sure you may know that 25% of women have HSV-2. It's actually very abnormal to go throughout life without contracting one of these things. Herpes is a skin condition. In most cases it is not detrimental to your health, just a cosmetic thing. IMO, menstrual cycles are much grosser.

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new2hsv2

how long after first ob???

Not that I have any intention of having sex anytime soon. I am kinda thinking it is months and months down the road before I will even consider it.... BUT, just curious how long it took everyone else to feel somewhat normal, somewhat comfortable with their body and the unwelcomed visitor who has taken up residence. I have read that the first 6 mos is when the most shedding occurs or most contagious time, is this correct? Because of that I have decided it would be at least 6 months before I can resume a relationship. But, to date I haven't had a second outbreak...only been a month & half. So far I don't even know the prodome symptoms or how my body will tell me an ob is coming.

still just trying to figure it all out...

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GntiNh

The feelings do pass, it's normal to feel like you do. I didn't have sex for a couple of months (I spilt from my "giver") and my next partner was the same as me, ie type 1, so the "talk" issue wasn't a problem.

Feeling sexual secure with my body was part of the acceptance of hs. It takes time and for me alot of soul searching. But now I'm more sexually confident than I have ever been.

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smithconfused
The feelings do pass, it's normal to feel like you do. I didn't have sex for a couple of months (I spilt from my "giver") and my next partner was the same as me, ie type 1, so the "talk" issue wasn't a problem.

Feeling sexual secure with my body was part of the acceptance of hs. It takes time and for me alot of soul searching. But now I'm more sexually confident than I have ever been.

I am glad to hear that.I feel a little better since my diagnosis. However, I sometimes get prodome symptoms and can't determine if I'm having an outbreak or not.

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GntiNh

I was constantly "looking" for symptoms after my first ob, I didn't shave (I'm G and O), I changed my wash routine, even worn different underwear, and got really stressed by it all and hence a second ob 7 weeks later. I got very good at balancing over a mirror !

From chatting with others these reactions are normal and gradually subside as you accept hs. I haven't had anymore genital obs, but I did get an oral one, when I was suffering from suspected swine flu.

I try to take care of my body, a better diet etc, but I think stress is the biggest factor for me.

Reading postings on here and chatting with people really helped, it takes time - hope you are feeling better

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regret

actually thie forst year is when you are the most contagious, if your thinking of dating and having sex i would suggest getting on some suppressive medication for the forst year anyway, it does help reduce the chances of transmission,, the forst year for me, i itched all the time and i was constantly breaking out, i was put on valtrex andafter 6 mo i switched to acylivor, now im not on anyhting,,i break out once a month due to the monthly thing, but its not bad, i take acylivor during that time, but otherwise im not on anyhting , but if i was back in the dating pool i definatley would go on suppressives daily even if i didnt break out much, just to protect the other person.

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smithconfused

I think I'm ready to......

I don't have any outbreaks, no symptoms and I feel good. Can I have sex now? Can he perform oral on me? I'm still a little worried. Im on acyclovir 400mg twice daily. What do you ladies think?

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new2hsv2

hey Smith

I would like to think that once getting things under control and staying on daily meds, and two people making informed decisions would mean that we could resume life as usual...meaning intercourse and oral. But, I am soooo new to this I am just being hopeful here and don't really know.

I look forward to hearing what others think.

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nkk2

After I was diagnosed a few months ago, I felt the exact same way. For me, it took a couple of months to start feeling like a woman again. And the more my body "heals" & starts to "normalize" the more I feel like a person again. Within the recent weeks I really started missing sex & being intimate with my hubs. He has said this whole time that he doesn't care about ob's (I guess luckily, we both have it so we don't have to be extra cautious or anything about spreading it but he has been lucky enough to be ob free since his initial.) and he says that he sees me exactly the way he has always seen me. To him, much like your fiance...it is no big deal. It is what it is. At first, I found that condescending & incredibly annoying...I mean, this is forever and I'm not the one ob free...but now, I find it almost comforting that he really doesn't find me disgusting or unattractive. He truly loves me unconditionally...and well, he better considering he's the one who gave it to me in the first place! ;)

It's going to take some time...maybe alot of time. Take the time that you need and I"m sure gradually and eventually as you start to have gaps in your ob's and your body starts to seem more "normal" again, your sex drive will eventually come back. Now, we take every opportunity to have sex because who knows how long it will be until the next time! Enjoy each other. Be intimate in other ways if sex isn't possible or you don't feel comfortable. And LET HIM LOVE YOU. Try to use his support and not push him away. I tried to push my hubs away lots of times and it didn't make me feel any better! So, best of luck to you and try to stay positive...it can hopefully only get better right!

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