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lilly2

Nearly lost

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lilly2

I am really, really suicidle. Its getting worse. I have a child who has just turned 18 and this has been the reason im still here, but my want to be his mum is waining fast. I have genital HSV1 and may have passed it on inunvertently. I cant sleep, havnt eaten in days and am drinking lots. I cant c a way out of this. There r no answers thats the problem.

Sorry just needed to say it before

s xxxx

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JBnATL

It will get better

I know it may be hard to understand at this time, but it will get better. Read the posts here and the information located in the column on the right. The more you know about this virus the more you will learn, that it is mostly just a harmless little disease.

With proper diet and medication it, can be for the most part, controllable.

I have lived with this for many years and it means nothing to me. Hopefully you will feel the same.

Good luck!

JB

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Guest Seatortuga

Have you talked to the person you think you mave have passed it too? I bet it will make you feel a whole lot better once you do. You can always come and hang out here, too!

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amethyst23

please give yourself some time

yes herpes is awful but it gets easier to deal with it after a while

usually you can figure out what triggers an outbreak and that will give you some confidence in dealing with this stupid virus

you are doing a good thing by coming to this forum

read all you can

the sidebars have tons of information and you will get a lot of advice and knowledge from the people here

this forum has become my support group

maybe it can be your support group too

the people on the live chat are there for you

talk with them and the herpes won t seem so all consuming

when i first joined i spent several hours reading the posts and afterwards

i started feeling better

try and keep your perspective on this

it s difficult to do so but give it your best

hope things turn around for you soon

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MsLucy

Your post made me mad, so I warn you, this may sting a little.

First if all, put the damn bottle down. If you're already depressed, alcohol will only intensify your self pity. Secondly, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Okay, you have herpes. So does everyone here, and about half the people on the planet. It doesn't make you unique, or qualify you for the "My life sucks worse than anyone's" award. It only means you have the same virus shared by millions of other people just like you.

You say you're losing the desire to be a mother to your son. Have you asked him how he feels about that? Maybe it would bother him to have to live the rest of his life with the knowledge that his mother killed herself. Is that the kind of burden you want to leave him with? If you think about it, I doubt it.

Suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness. It may relieve you of the drudgery of having to get through another day, but it puts the burden of guilt and remorse on all you leave behind, and that burden never goes away. Your son deserves better from his mother, and you know that.

You need to get this into perspective in your own mind. It's a virus. Period. It's not the plague, nor has it sudddenly transformed you into some kind of monster. It's a relatively controllable virus, pure and simple. Even if you did pass it on to someone inadvertantly, that's not an unforgivable sin. It was a mistake, that's all. We all make them. My guess is, you probably got the virus through someone else's mistake. It happens.

This sea of self pity that you seem to be drowning in will pass, if you give yourself time to adjust. I promise. In the meantime, take a good hard look at your son. You brought him into this world, and when you did that, you made a life-long commitment to him, which was not contingent on your own personal comfort. You're stronger than you think you are. You can see this through until you come to terms with it. Put the bottle down, sober up, and pull yourself together. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for him. He deserves that from you.

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justmyself

Things will get better. They always do. They will get bad again, and then get better. That's just how life works.

I actually attempted suicide over 3 years ago now by slashing my wrist and overdosing, long before herpes entered my life. I had left my husband, our house, my daughter chose to live with him, so I felt like I lost her too, lost my job, all within a month. I felt like I lost absolutely everything that mattered to me in my life.

It took a little while, but my daughter (she's 18 now) finally came around and we have the BEST relationship anyone could ever ask for with their child! When I look back and think that had my attempt actually worked, I would have missed out on such a wonderful thing, it makes me realize how precious life really is and how ever changing it is and I am very glad to be here now, even with herpes!

I've only had herpes (GHSV2) for about 2 months now, and it has been an emotional rollercoaster ride for sure. But certainly nothing worth throwing away your life over.

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gotitsowhat

You're going to feel silly

when you look down from the hereafter and see some brand new medical management or even a cure for herpes. In a few years, there will be better meds and they may even be able to wipe out hsv. At the very least. we can expect a vaccine one of these years and when people have access to a vaccine, no one will have to fear getting herpes.

Herpes is nothing to end a life over. It's medically minor. And a lot of people have it. You can live with it, even find sex and love with it, if you are willing to put yourself out there and try. Your son needs you to be a good example, even if you are now depressed over having to come to terms with having herpes. You would not want your son to consider suicide over a minor problem in his life, would you? That is what herpes is, a minor problem. It can be embarrassing, awkward, annoying but it doesn't have the power to make your life worthless. Accept that you have it and that, for now, there is no cure available. Determine to make your life the best life it can be in spite of herpes and hsv will very quickly assume the level of importance it deserves in your life, which is not much. Decide it's a minor glitch in your life, not a tragedy and you will find that a glitch is all it is. Decide you can handle this and you will find it is not the monster you now think it is.

And, as MsLucy says, put down the bottle. Drinking to excess will only make everything worse. If you are freaking out, consider seeing a crisis counselor or psychotherapist. There is help available so if you need it, go for it. Under the circumstances, you have nothing to lose by reaching out and trying.

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lilly2

Thanks for that. I tried to get help they said i had to wait 2 weeks. Im not wollowing in self pitty more in outrageous guilt. Cant help that.

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iAngra

Genital hsv1 isnt so bad.

There are very good looking, kind people who have this either orally or genitally.

Read the statistics on HSV1 and learn whatever you can about it, the majority of all adults carry the virus, next time you see someone attractive to you just roll the dice, most likely he has herpes and doesnt even know it.

Next time you meet someone you like tell them you are paranoid and need them to take an HSV test, chances are you will find a positive person and then you can just forget it.

Don't forget that many people share this with you, most people have it, you are not alone and someone is feeling just like you are probably very close to where you live.

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lilly2

Thanks again

I havnt got to "its not so terrbile" stage yet and had a bad week. Drunk my head off, but last night for some reason I got into my cupboard and shut the door and stayed there for hours. I emerged about 4am a bit stiff but not feeling sooooo hopless. I just thought and thought and thought. Im sure everything went round and round and jumbled up (Remember its not the virus that is killing me its the guilt) Today I hav been quit productive and have not had a drink so this is a good day. YEAH

So thank you and hope yr day has been great.

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lilly2

Hi Mslucy

U pack a hard punch hey. Ive just read yr reply to me with sober eyes and of course yr right. Even though my son is 18, he is still at school and needs his mum. I made a mistake (pretty big one) but as u said we all make them and I HAVE learnt from it. No more drinking.

Thanks for the support. Hope one day I will b able to provide support to others.

Cheers and again thanks

L

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