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BeautifullyBroken

no confidence.

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BeautifullyBroken

i feel horrible. i used to be such a happy carefree person and i feel like i had a lot going for me. every time my friends and i go out these days they all just run around and have a great time and talk to every guy in sight. i wish i could be that girl again... i find that i'm really shy now and can't talk to people the way i used to. why does everyone have to think that herpes is so aweful? i just want to find someone who can love me with this burden. i hate myself for having this.. i hate that i can't be the person i used to be. i guess i just need some reassurance... it seems like every time i'm around guys the subject of herpes comes up a lot (does anyone else notice that?) like why the heck does it even need to be brought up.. ugh. encouragement please?

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WarriorKing

Beautiful, don't look in the wrong places. It seems to me that the majority of guys in bars are looking for quick hookups, and will act and say things that support the common macho image.

There is a change of lifestyle involved with H. Casual intimacy is out the window. But to tell you the truth I don't see how being casual can still be the norm anywhere with the existence of HIV today.

I am not suggesting that you are into casual hookups by the way. I just think that most guys in bars are that way.

What else interests you in life outside of the bar scene?

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breckgirl

My dad said that about 25 years ago he and his Coast Guard buddies were out and about having a drink. One says to the other "Hey, did you hear [so and so] got herpes?" My dad's other friend shrugs his shoulders and said "I do too. So what? Doesn't everyone?"

I suspect that the men that are talking about it are either afflicted with it or know someone who is and they are just trying to come to grips with it. Next time you hear a guy or whatever talking about it, just say "It is interesting that you would choose that topic of conversation. I did my thesis on it at Prinston. What do you actually KNOW about it?" If they know more than the average person, chances are they got it and something pretty amazing may come of it. You never know.

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clover

I can relate to you on this. Except that I was shy to begin with. The only thing that seems to help me is acting "as if" I didn't have it. This doesn't mean I hookup with them it just means that I act like I don't have herpes and that I don't worry about it. Because I do have it and worry like crazy about it....it's nice to pretend that it doesn't bother me....even if it's for just a little while.

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Wishing Well

Sister please.

I've taken confidence from it in the sense I know I wont be scoring anyone on a one night stand so i'm taking time to get to know people I meet in bars and clubs and just be friendly rather than trying to socre. I find you can tell from peoples personalities if they'll be okay with it to a degree. It seems now like im meeting and developing more relationships with girls than I ever have before in my life.

I'm not saying it doesnt suck but you cant let this stop you from meeting people and being yourself, you just cant be as casual. Which is a good thing in my opinion as you could get something much worse as stated above.

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Now18

I felt similar to you when I was first diagnosed. I felt guilty and that I was "false advertising" if I flirted with guys when I went out.

But just keep in mind that some of those guys that you're friends are hitting on have herpes. Or other STDs. If you were magically cleared of herpes tomorrow, and you resumed a casual sex life, there'd be a good chance you'd just get it again. HSV-1 and HSV-2 are everywhere.

My dad said that about 25 years ago he and his Coast Guard buddies were out and about having a drink. One says to the other "Hey, did you hear [so and so] got herpes?" My dad's other friend shrugs his shoulders and said "I do too. So what? Doesn't everyone?"

I might do that the next time I hear someone gossiping about someone with herpes. While I feel my personal health issues are no ones business (especially if they are gross) and that it's kind of weird to gratuitously inform people of my status, I am getting more and more uncomfortable with people spreading around incorrect information that adds to the stigma. I may just correct them and if they say "Why do you know so much about this?" I might say "because I have it." I'm still debating whether this is wise for me in terms of my dating life, because anyone who hears about it might write me off before they get a chance to know me.

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Roxxus
i feel horrible. i used to be such a happy carefree person and i feel like i had a lot going for me. every time my friends and i go out these days they all just run around and have a great time and talk to every guy in sight. i wish i could be that girl again... i find that i'm really shy now and can't talk to people the way i used to. why does everyone have to think that herpes is so aweful? i just want to find someone who can love me with this burden. i hate myself for having this.. i hate that i can't be the person i used to be. i guess i just need some reassurance... it seems like every time i'm around guys the subject of herpes comes up a lot (does anyone else notice that?) like why the heck does it even need to be brought up.. ugh. encouragement please?

I can totally relate , I've lost my confidence due to numerous rejections after having the talk. You shouldn't hate your self for having it. The only time I remember I have it is when I have to A) have the talk or B) swallow one of those suppository sized valtrex. I've also noticed alot of people joke around about herpes, i get really defensive when this happens because out of habit i'm convinced every herpes joke is directed towards me. Have you tried alittle harmless flirting just to boost your confidence?

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breckgirl
I can totally relate , I've lost my confidence due to numerous rejections after having the talk. You shouldn't hate your self for having it. The only time I remember I have it is when I have to A) have the talk or B) swallow one of those suppository sized valtrex. I've also noticed alot of people joke around about herpes, i get really defensive when this happens because out of habit i'm convinced every herpes joke is directed towards me. Have you tried alittle harmless flirting just to boost your confidence?

Harmless flirting...this is a great idea. Not all flirting has to lead to the talk. Flirting is a confidence booster to be sure. Give it a shot.:mrgreen:

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