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BKK

Thank you Dear Abby for perpetuating herpes myths

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BKK

I just read Dear Abby on line this morning. The heading of the column is "Mother Googles Everybody" or something. The 2nd letter in the column talks about a woman meeting a wonderful man. She is convinced he may be "the one." He lets her know he has herpes. The woman ends this new and wonderful relationship and seeks validation from Abby because she ended it over the herpes.

Abby responds that herpes is life-long disease and the virus is shed ALL THE TIME. So I guess this means non-infected people should avoid us because they could get it just by being in the same room?!?!?!?!?!!!!

So okay, we are lepers and not fit to consort with those who don't have it?

We all need to respond to try and get BS cleared up!

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MsLucy

I looked, but I couldn't find the article to which you're referring. I don't usually do this, but I took your word for it and emailed her about the inaccuracy of her information, and the damage it can do to an already seriously persecuted section of the population. Maybe if we all take a moment to email her, she'll get the point.

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BKK

Copy of column

Here is a copy of the column I read. It ran on October the 9th.

DEAR ABBY: I met the most amazing guy. He's in grad school, has a job, his own home, loves music, movies and good food -- he can even cook.

We exchanged phone numbers, and I was excited about finally meeting a man who could be "the one." And then he casually dropped a bomb on me: He told me he has herpes. I thought he was kidding, but he said: "I live stress-free, so I never break out. Herpes is no big deal."

He left voicemails asking if we can go out on a date soon, and I had to tell him I just couldn't date someone with herpes. My male friends support me, so why do I feel so guilty about this? Is it wrong of me not to date someone because of his STD status? -- FEELING MISERABLE IN GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR FEELING MISERABLE: I don't think so. And it was OK to be honest about your feelings, so stop feeling guilty. While herpes isn't life-threatening, it is NOT "no big deal." And while the young man in your letter may "never break out," the virus is shed all the time. That's how the disease is spread, and it is widespread. If you need more information, I recommend you discuss this with your OB/GYN or visit the Web site of ASHA (American Social Health Association) at www.ashastd.org.

What's next? Forcibly relocating all of us into herpes colonies?!!!!!!!!

This is just crap. :twisted:

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Roxxus

I actually think they would like that , putting us in herpes internment

camps.

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gotitsowhat

Thanks for noticing this

I can't email DearAbby from work but will do so when I get home today. It is columns like this that make people follow us around with cans of Lysol.

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Lookonthesunnyside

I'm emailing her as well.

That woman hadnt even been tested!! Ugh.

I hope "dear abby" goes out and contracts a burning case of herpes.

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devastatedbythis

I read that dear abby article myself and I may get rocks thrown at me for this but I agree with her. It is a big deal at least to me it is. She did not say anything about us being leppers she did not pass a nasty judgement she simply told the truth. If it wasnt a big deal none of us would be here.

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chilla

I understand where everyone is comin from but...

Herpes is a big deal. How big of a deal depends upon the person and their situation. If its a big deal to her she's just in the way she feels. Abby's column, is an opinionated column...and in her opinion herpes is a big deal. Now how big a deal it is will be put in to prespective according to each individuals situation. Someone who is madly in love wit an infected partner will compare the herpes situtation with how much they love them. Then in comparison their love is a much bigger deal than herpes and so herpes becomes "no big deal"...I think initial rejection would be a reflex of most. I know it certainly would have been mine. (Rejection with respect for the persons feelings of course) the 1st time I have my "talk" I'll actually expect it, n I'm ok wit that.

Some will never come back but Some will cuz they compare herpes to other things, then it becomes no big deal. she was incorrect on saying "we shed it all the time" and should fix that. But this woman needs to be responsible n do her own research.

I have a feeling this woman likes this guy too much, n herpes is becomin less of a big deal by the min. That's why she needs the validation. She'll be back :-)

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Now18
Herpes is a big deal. How big of a deal depends upon the person and their situation. If its a big deal to her she's just in the way she feels. Abby's column, is an opinionated column...and in her opinion herpes is a big deal.

I think the problem they have with Dear Abby's letter is that she claims that those who are HSV positive shed all of the time. It makes it sound like if this girl dates that she will absolutely contract herpes.

Herpes is not a walk in the park. If it didn't bother us, none of us would be on here. What I do think, is people have very hypocritical views about herpes. People who are terrified of dating someone who is HSV positive but is willing to take valtrex and wear condoms in order to reduce he chance of passing it on to 1%/year have no qualms about having multiple new partners in one year. And it does bother me that some of the people who are judging and rejecting other people for herpes are unknowingly carrying and spreading the virus themselves.

I heard an interesting story about a friend of a friend. Apparently my friend knew this guy that met this awesome girl. They dated without sex for about a while and he was really into her. About a month into it, the girl gives him the talk. Apparently she had had only had one previous partner, a long-term boyfriend who had cheated on her and given her HSV. Well, the guy thinks about it for a few days and then decides that even though he really likes her, that dating her was not worth the health risk. So they stopped seeing each other. The next weekend he goes out and has a one night stand. He gets herpes symptoms a few days after, and shortly confirms his symptoms with a Dr. He then calls the original girl up, tells her about his recent diagnosis, and asks her back out on a date. She says "no way."

I think that story is a perfect example of how hypocritical people are in their fears of contracting HSV.

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Roxxus

Dear abby needs a fact checker. The virus does not shed all the time , it doesn't even shed half the time. She is entitled to her opinion as long as she gets her facts straight.

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notsofast22
I actually think they would like that , putting us in herpes internment

camps.

Is it wrong that I kind of like the idea of being in an internment camp with herpes infected people? They could cook the Valtrex right into our food and we would only be an arms length away from an already infected person. What a cool society that would be!

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Roxxus
Is it wrong that I kind of like the idea of being in an internment camp with herpes infected people? They could cook the Valtrex right into our food and we would only be an arms length away from an already infected person. What a cool society that would be!

Well I suppose that would make dating easier, there would be no the talk. Infact I vote that we switch things around I think the non herpes infected people should have the talk with us. It would be along the lines of:

" Hey we really need to talk"

" Okay about what"

"Well....I don't have herpes"

" What? How did this happen?"

" I don't know whats wrong with me I'm such a freak"

" No it's okay I have herpes and i'll accept you even without it"

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chooseyourbattles
I heard an interesting story about a friend of a friend. Apparently my friend knew this guy that met this awesome girl. They dated without sex for about a while and he was really into her. About a month into it, the girl gives him the talk. Apparently she had had only had one previous partner, a long-term boyfriend who had cheated on her and given her HSV. Well, the guy thinks about it for a few days and then decides that even though he really likes her, that dating her was not worth the health risk. So they stopped seeing each other. The next weekend he goes out and has a one night stand. He gets herpes symptoms a few days after, and shortly confirms his symptoms with a Dr. He then calls the original girl up, tells her about his recent diagnosis, and asks her back out on a date. She says "no way."

Serves him right!

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justmyself
I

I heard an interesting story about a friend of a friend. Apparently my friend knew this guy that met this awesome girl. They dated without sex for about a while and he was really into her. About a month into it, the girl gives him the talk. Apparently she had had only had one previous partner, a long-term boyfriend who had cheated on her and given her HSV. Well, the guy thinks about it for a few days and then decides that even though he really likes her, that dating her was not worth the health risk. So they stopped seeing each other. The next weekend he goes out and has a one night stand. He gets herpes symptoms a few days after, and shortly confirms his symptoms with a Dr. He then calls the original girl up, tells her about his recent diagnosis, and asks her back out on a date. She says "no way."

I often think of things like this! At least (presumably) we are out there telling potential partners that we have this and there is a slight risk of transmitting it! How many people either aren't telling or don't know they have it? People will turn down having sex with someone who confides that they have an STD, but will take their chances with someone else!

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justmyself

" Hey we really need to talk"

" Okay about what"

"Well....I don't have herpes"

" What? How did this happen?"

" I don't know whats wrong with me I'm such a freak"

" No it's okay I have herpes and i'll accept you even without it"

I love this! Cracked me up! Kind of like the old show, Twilight Zone, where the beautiful woman didn't fit in with the pig faced people! Thanks for the laugh!

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artgirl87

Dear Abby definitely could have included some more information in her letter. I think I'm going to write to her as well. Although I agree that for many herpes IS a big deal, it can cause serious health problems and is a big health problem for some. For instance, I live with outbreaks all the time. However, it was factually inaccurate for her to print something that says the virus sheds all the time. She should not get away with that. I think a lot of people do think that if you sleep with someone hsv+ you automatically get it yourself. They don't realize hsv+ people aren't always contagious.

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chilla

Whoa!

I think the problem they have with Dear Abby's letter is that she claims that those who are HSV positive shed all of the time. It makes it sound like if this girl dates that she will absolutely contract herpes.

Herpes is not a walk in the park. If it didn't bother us, none of us would be on here. What I do think, is people have very hypocritical views about herpes. People who are terrified of dating someone who is HSV positive but is willing to take valtrex and wear condoms in order to reduce he chance of passing it on to 1%/year have no qualms about having multiple new partners in one year. And it does bother me that some of the people who are judging and rejecting other people for herpes are unknowingly carrying and spreading the virus themselves.

I heard an interesting story about a friend of a friend. Apparently my friend knew this guy that met this awesome girl. They dated without sex for about a while and he was really into her. About a month into it, the girl gives him the talk. Apparently she had had only had one previous partner, a long-term boyfriend who had cheated on her and given her HSV. Well, the guy thinks about it for a few days and then decides that even though he really likes her, that dating her was not worth the health risk. So they stopped seeing each other. The next weekend he goes out and has a one night stand. He gets herpes symptoms a few days after, and shortly confirms his symptoms with a Dr. He then calls the original girl up, tells her about his recent diagnosis, and asks her back out on a date. She says "no way."

I think that story is a perfect example of how hypocritical people are in their fears of contracting HSV.

He's got some nerve...like really where in his mind did he think that would be ok? Man, stuff like this makes me mad cuz its really a punk move. *sigh* whatever...Yeah, I think she should fix the inaccurate statement of we "shed all the time" (which I said in my post) I jus wanted to put herpes in to perspective. Its not everything, but its not nothing. I guess that's what I was tryna say.

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chilla

Yes yes yes!!!! Lol!!!

Well I suppose that would make dating easier, there would be no the talk. Infact I vote that we switch things around I think the non herpes infected people should have the talk with us. It would be along the lines of:

" Hey we really need to talk"

" Okay about what"

"Well....I don't have herpes"

" What? How did this happen?"

" I don't know whats wrong with me I'm such a freak"

" No it's okay I have herpes and i'll accept you even without it"

That would be amazing LOL...I promise herpes is gonna become a boring subject in the near further...I so believe it.

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Xanetea

Never Thought I'd Find A Reason To Laugh

Well I suppose that would make dating easier, there would be no the talk. Infact I vote that we switch things around I think the non herpes infected people should have the talk with us. It would be along the lines of:

" Hey we really need to talk"

" Okay about what"

"Well....I don't have herpes"

" What? How did this happen?"

" I don't know whats wrong with me I'm such a freak"

" No it's okay I have herpes and i'll accept you even without it"

Ok... that was hilarious! I'm actually copying it and sending it to my boyfriend. :lol:

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everyusernameistaken
Well, the guy thinks about it for a few days and then decides that even though he really likes her, that dating her was not worth the health risk. So they stopped seeing each other. The next weekend he goes out and has a one night stand. He gets herpes symptoms a few days after, and shortly confirms his symptoms with a Dr. He then calls the original girl up, tells her about his recent diagnosis, and asks her back out on a date. She says "no way."

I think that story is a perfect example of how hypocritical people are in their fears of contracting HSV.

Hypocritical? Maybe she just didn't like the fact that he left her because of HSV and only asked her back out once he got it. IMO, if a guy told me I wasn't "worth it" only to come back to me after a one-night-stand, I would have to tell him he was no longer worth it, and it wouldn't be due to an STI.

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everyusernameistaken

Oh. Maybe I should read the whole forum before I post. Haha. You meant HE was hypocritical, not her :) Well in that case I would have to agree!

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