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dumplinsmom

Serious Dilemma

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dumplinsmom

So I contracted H from my daughter's father. Approximately 2 yrs ago, we were in a relationship and lived together. Things didn't work out so we went our separate ways. Two months later, he moved in with his "cousin" because he couldn't afford to pay the rent we were paying alone. Since this time, even though we aren't together, we still continued to mess around. I contracted H from him last September during this messing around period. In my head, I continued to mess with him because I didn't want to be alone with Herpes and I want a family. Besides that, for some reason, I love him and I'm in love with him and we we were supposed to be "working on" getting back together.

Two days ago our 2 1/2 daughter starts talking about her daddy and Tina (not real name). My daughter said that "Tina" was at work. I thought this was strange because I don't know a "Tina". So, I sent a text to her father asking if he had a "Tina" around our daughter. He said no. Well I did some research and come to find out, he does not live with his cousin, he lives with this "Tina". I am absolutely crushed, my heart is broken. After all I've been through with this man, this hurts worst than me finding out I contracted Herpes. All the signs were there previously but I chose to ignore them because I didn't have any hard evidence, plus the sex was the bomb. He didn't spend any time with me, this is why I stopped talking to him on several occassions and he never spent a night at my home. Never took me out anymore. We were always "working on" getting back together, nothing concrete. So all the signs were there. I asked him on several occassions to be honest, if he was in a relationship and living with a woman. He always denied. When I brought this up during our last conversation, he said he lied about living with this woman because he knew I would make a fuss about it. He claims that this woman is his friend and she let him move in because he didn't have a place to stay and his credit is jacked. Well that was 2 yrs ago!!! How long does it take to get yourself together when you make damn good money??!!! He said that "Tina" does not have Herpes because he's never slept with her.

Sorry this is long but here's my question to you all......I have this woman's phone number. I need closure. As a lot of men do, anytime something happens, he flips it and makes it my fault. This time he says that he does not have a relationship with this woman and I'm jumping to conclusions before I know the story. Blah blah blah. Should I call this woman?? I don't plan to say anything mean. My call would go like this....."_____ gave me you number. I am ________'s mother. ________ would like to have our daughter spend a night with you guys but I'm not comfortable because I don't know you. I just wanted to call and get a feel for you before I let her spend a night. So, how long have you and _____________ been in a relationship....." and it would kind of go on from there. I don't plan to tell her anything, I just want to know. If I don't know, I will always wonder. What's your thoughts?

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smithconfused

Well you have to use your own discretion especially if your child is around her. If you do call, please be mature about the situation. Your only concern is the safety of your child and not what are relationship is with your ex. That's my opinion.

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JBnATL

You are right to be concerned about your daughter

But I think you already know the answer to your question. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it is a duck. He IS in a relationship with this woman.

And btw, "A lot" of women also try and turn around arguements flip them so it is the guys fault too.

Good luck!

JB

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dumplinsmom

I Didn't Call

Thanks for the responses. I actually didn't call. At the moment I wrote the thread I was really upset, I still am. I decided to just leave the situation alone. I know I have a long way to go to heal from this hurt but I have learned from this situation. I think I'll go have a glass of Moscato and start working on that healing! Lol

Thanks again

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WarriorKing

If you tell him that you just have to know the truth, and that you want to speak to Tina, you might see what happens. Maybe you won't even need to talk to Tina. He may say something one way or the other.

Then there is no game, just straight talk.

Maybe you will talk to Tina. I don't know. Personally, I don't think I could talk to Tina if it was my situation.

He did conceal the situation whether it is innocent or not.

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late bloomers

from a old man who grew up in detroit

dumplinsmom, i see u r from mich. if u want some advice from a old guy who's been around the block more than once here goes. go back and read what u wrote in u'r opening post and think about it. u said he isn't financially stable, lies, gave u herpes. think about do u really want to have a long relationship, and maybe marriage to someone like this??? sorry to be so blunt. Good luck, hugs and blessings in whatever decission u make.

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dumplinsmom

Yeah actually it's his loss and not mine. I'm kind of old fashioned and feel that a child should be with both parents. You know how back in the day, when someone got pregnant, they usually got married. I wanted to do whatever it took for my daughter to have both parents in the household. In doing this, I put what was best for me aside. I knew all along that he wasn't right for me and did not treat me how I "know" I should be treated. I chose to keep trying and believe what he was saying becuase I thought that maybe....he would change. Maybe.....he will be a better man for our family. Well as I said before, I have learned from this situation. As the saying goes, I'm shattered but not broken. I will get over this situation. It will take a while, but time heals.

Thanks again to everyone for reading and responding to my drama. I just really needed to vent!

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