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bsp09

Soo angry

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bsp09

I was diagnosed with genital HSV-1 at the beginning of September. I got it from oral sex with my boyfriend when he had a cold sore. I had one really bad outbreak right at the beginning and have been fine ever since. I honestly forgot that I even had it until today...when my boyfriend broke up with me. We've been together almost two years, we had plans to move in together, we've talked about getting married. And all of the sudden he decides to throw it away, for reasons I don't really understand. I was already pissed off, and then suddenly I remembered that I had herpes, and now my anger is through the roof. I'm sooo pissed off at him for giving this to me and leaving me alone. He was so understanding and supportive when I was diagnosed, which had a lot to do with my why I took it so well. I figured everything would be fine because we were going to be together forever, and I would never have to deal with having to start a new relationship and have "the talk" with someone. Now it's all I can think about. I just feel so dirty, like no one's ever going to want me. I know that this is just the anger talking, and I know that there will be someone out there who will be understanding and supportive, but this is how I feel right now.

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JBnATL

It WILL get better

You did not mention if you had HSV1 genital or oral. If oral, you mearly have coldsores. Yes they are herpes, but not generally seen as something bad. And if you have it genital, then guess what, you have cold sores, just in a different place.

That is how I give the 'talk'. I try and equate what I have to cold sores, since the two different types are almost identical.

You are lucky to have HSV1, since that is the more mild form.

I have had this many years, and it means nothing to me. I have dated many non - h women and have never passed it along.

Goodluck. come into the live chat room, many nice people there.

Take care.

JB

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justmyself

Sorry to hear about your bad breakup. But don't look at it as the end of your dating life because it is FAR from it!

Genital HSV1 doesn't shed as much as genital HSV2. And it is more difficult for a woman to pass genital herpes onto a man. Read up on the statistics. About 80-90% of people already have HSV1 at least orally, and therefore, would not get it from you genitally. Disclose that you have HSV1 and you get cold sores. You are not lying. And chances are, they get them too anyway! Have a potential partner get tested and they could show up having HSV1. Then you're good to go!

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dumplinsmom

I know exactly where you're coming from. You feel betrayed that not only did this person give you H but know they left you alone to deal with it. I read a lot of responses on here about how others had met someone despite their condition and I wonder if it will ever happen for me. I just got out of a really bad situation with the person I got H from. I hung on to this man solely because I was afraid I would never find someone else to love me. I allowed him to treat me badly and knew I deserved better. I've decided that it's time for me to begin working on me. I'm not going to focus on "will I ever have another man again". At this point, I'm like if it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. There's nothing I can do to change my situation so.....

Also, I see you're from Michigan too, not sure which part but if you want to talk to someone, I'm here to listen.

Keep your head up! Wow, that sounds funny coming from me right now considering my situation...... :)

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MsLucy
I was diagnosed with genital HSV-1 at the beginning of September. I got it from oral sex with my boyfriend when he had a cold sore. .....

I'm sooo pissed off at him for giving this to me and leaving me alone.

I understand your feelings about breaking up. It's a traumatic event, whatever the reason. You feel abandoned, and confused and... angry. Understandable. I feel the need to point out, though, that your anger at him for giving you herpes is misplaced. You knew he had a cold sore and you let him perform oral sex on you... a mistake you own half of. Neither of you probably realized what the consequence could be, but nonetheless, you were a consenting partner.

Be angry with him, if you must, for leaving you, and betraying your trust in his love. No one can guarantee that their love for another will last forever, though. Sadly, sometimes love just wears out and fades away. That's why we should never take it for granted.

I hope you feel better soon. I know it may not seem like it now, but you'll love (and be loved) again. Be confident of that. Even if you try to hide from it, love will find you.

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justmyself

bsp09 and dumplinsmom, I'm from MI too! Metro Detroit area. There is a GREAT support group in the area if you guys are interested. Send me a private message if you want!

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bsp09

Thanks everyone for all your kind words and support! I'm feeling a little better now, that was just my initial anger, and I realize that most of that anger was directed towards the breakup. I don't blame him for "giving me" herpes, because like MsLucy pointed out, I am just as much at fault as he is. I know that when the time is right I will find someone who will love and accept me no matter what. :)

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      I know this thread is a couple of years old, but it’s been helpful to me, and I wanted to contribute as well. Back to Berliner’s original post, I’ve tested negative on several IGGs, with the latest ones being 1 yr and now almost 2 years past exposure.  Figuring out what was going on was the worst nightmare I’ve ever been through in my life. I made the mistake of drinking heavily a week after my father died of cancer, and I had unprotected AS with an ex, who happened to be poly and had some occasional unprotected M2M encounters.   Three days later I had a red line rash along my (sorry to get explicit) crack. This was followed by a rectal burning. Tested negative for G&C and related tests.  Over the next couple of weeks I had severe swelling and discomfort in my lower right quadrant and was told to go to the ER, where (I guess as a standard practice) they did a cat scan, which revealed nothing.  Also not a bacterial infection.  However the repeated manual examinations that occurred at urgent care and the ER seemed to relieve the abdominal pressure over the next few days.  I then had diarrhea for the next several weeks after.  I developed what felt like internal hemorrhoids, which were exacerbated by the diarrhea, and a gastro doctor confirmed via digital exam that there was indeed some sort of mass that felt like possible hemorrhoids. He ordered a sigmoidoscopy, but by the time it was undertaken, whatever was there was gone. After the procedure though, I felt much better for a while, possibly due to digestive issues clearing up after the colon “cleanse.” But this was concurrent with other issues.   About 3 weeks after the encounter I developed a large rash on my left thigh. Shortly thereafter I started having light sensitivity issues, culminating in a fever-like state after being outside in the sun only for 15 minutes after work. At work around that time for a couple days I felt like I was going through life encased in a gauzy gel- similar to being on laughing gas at the dentist, but not in a good way. I didn’t know what the hell was happening to me. I developed a severe case of canker sores for about a day. Later during a sunny drive, after getting back in the car at a gas station I noticed a red blotch below my lip. I tried to shrug it off but it happened again on the trip back.  So by about a month after the encounter I was having more anxiety. I spent the night at a friend’s house and woke up with a massive, swollen red eye and swollen lips. I got eye drops for bacterial conjunctivitis but that was wishful thinking.  A couple of weeks later, my lips were covered in sores. I smothered them with abreva. By the next day, they had mostly gone away. I tried to do a swab test at urgent care (I believe it was the next day), but there was not enough there to make any sort of positive diagnosis. Since then, I’ve had what you could call repeated aborted lesions and red blotches that appear around my mouth, particularly after stress and alcohol consumption. But even having peanut butter or chocolate would set it off for a long time. Fair skin doesn’t help- there was no hiding it. Two months after the encounter, I had my first vaginal burning- it was pretty intense and I had to use ice cubes because I didn’t know what else to do.   The worse feeling though was the periodic flare-ups of rectal itching/burning, often accompanied by another red line rash. It made sitting uncomfortable for about the next two months. I couldn’t wear pants at work- only skirts seemed to make things somewhat less irritated. And for the first three months, I was still testing for HIV along with HSV because of the overlapping symptoms (rash, diarrhea, neural pain, severe flu like symptoms without fever). I lost a lot of weight and had panic attacks. On top of all this I had just moved to a new city and started a new job and didn’t have a support network. And the sad thing is, I had to deal with all of this instead of being able to grieve for my father and being a better source of support to my mother. She had to support me without understanding what was happening.   Another bad thing through all of this was having both my ex and my current partner treat me like I’m crazy. That makes me feel alone and in the dark. Another “hysterical woman.” F*** that.  And while I felt grateful that my current was at the time still ready to be with me even if I had hsv, it’s a little discomfiting that he still doesn’t really believe me. But I’ve learned to live with ambiguity. And now I’m used to doctors as well as partners acting like this is nonexistent. Especially with negative IGG tests even 2 years later, which have left me without any answers.  I’m lucky in a way to be able to blend in because I don’t get obvious sores, genitally or orally (I can cover up the blotches with concealer, and they fortunately have lessened in frequency). But I still get the rectal itching/burning every six months or so (anthistamines seem to alleviate it a bit). And as more of a concern, I’ve had a cramp in my lower right quadrant ever since, which feels like it’s in my digestive tract. Since this has pretty much spread everywhere else in my body, intestinal involvement wouldn’t surprise me, and it isn’t unheard of anyways. I’ve tried to move past this and have since gotten married to my partner, who is a source of support (even if he doesn’t believe I’m having health problems. I know that’s a contradiction but occasionally I want to believe that too.).  I’m also newly pregnant, and symptoms have started to flare up again somewhat. I’m sure this will be an adventure. Hopefully more good than crazy. I know I’m going to struggle with the fear of passing this along but I’m trying to reconcile what doctors say (which is that it is extremely rare) with my own intuition about what I need to be careful of. Maybe I’ll repost with an update down the road. In short, there are people out there who test negative and have to live with loved ones and doctors thinking that a negative test closes the book on this. Again, learning to live with ambiguity is a real life lesson that I’m still coming to grips with. This forum and specifically this post have been a source of comfort that I haven’t been able to find elsewhere. Thanks everyone for the support for the community.     
    • Rockster
      You deepthroat so good that you get all kinds of mouth-to-skin-of-base contact? Kudos to you, but that is extremely rare. 
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