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Legend

To HELL With Dating!!!

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Legend

I know, some of you might be going "He's back!". Who cares. And if you DON'T know me, who cares?I'm at an end here. Check it...I actually "met someone". I told her of the herpes and she was accepting of it. Cool cool! She was a great person, accepted me for me and we were even talking of going to the doctor and asking questions. But then she stopped talking to me. I was all WTF? I FINALLY get ahold of her asking why she wasn't talking.The basic message was she had a bf whom she loved very much, and told me to NEVER contact her again. After repeating this to me I asked her "I thought I was your bf?". Her response was "you were nothing and are nothing".Ummmm...WHAT?I dunno if I was being used or got played...but it pissed me off to no end.I've NEVER EVER been good at dating and I mean that. I've never had a relationship that was very serious aside from my soon-to-be ex-wife.Oh yeah, my own MOTHER last month told my brother and I she no longer wanted to be in our lives.Yeah...my ex-wife, my own mother...if these women don't even want me in their lives, who freaking does?I'm now in a mental point that may be very VERY difficult to reverse. I've been hurt by women (gf/wife/mom) too damn much since freaking JUNE. My friend got dumped by a girl and she messed him up big time...so bad I can't even tell you how bad...just trust me.I have nothing to offer anymore. I'm a single dad, with herpes, a completely f-d up mental state now, not much of an education and a very horrible job. YAY!!! I would like to date, but with all that's happened, seriously people...how can I ever trust a women again? Really...been lied to, cheated on, used/played...I know all women aren't bad, but when you're hit one right after the other in a short amount of time...yeah, you tend to not want to trust anyone of the female area again.I'm sick of it...I've come to accept what I have and who I am...but to just get hurt and especially like this...this is just utter BS. Yeah, she's not worth the toilet paper I wipe myself with, but I'm completely fed up with it all.I honestly have no clue why I even wrote this, guess to somewhat vent or just get it out? I dunno, don't care.I'm alone, I'm messed up mentally now...ah, the precious gift of life!

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Lookonthesunnyside

Sorry you're feeling so badly. I can relate to the feeling of having one bad thing happen after another, I've had horrible experiences with guys. But looking back I didnt always make the best decisions. Admitting this to myself makes me feel like less of a victim and actually makes me feel more hopeful for the future. I think if you're able to pinpoint what has gone wrong then maybe you can just be more conscious of those things in the future. (Not saying everything was your fault) That being said it might be good to take a break from dating for a little bit since you're in a fragile state right now. Maybe just try and focus on other positive things in your life, like your kids or other things you like doing.

Things will look up eventually. Remember that everyone who's single hasnt had the greatest experiences. Or we wouldn't all be single, right ;)

I know there's nothing I can say to change everything thats happened or make things better. But there are people here who are willing to talk.

Hope you're feeling better.

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JoeTheLionWentToTheBar

This may sound ridiculous, but you may be the kind of guy who may have to consider a new approach to "relations" with females. Prostitutes.

They have their place in many men's lives.

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Shayna
This may sound ridiculous, but you may be the kind of guy who may have to consider a new approach to "relations" with females. Prostitutes.

They have their place in many men's lives.

OMG! Sometimes it's better not to speak.

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Now18
Sorry you're feeling so badly. I can relate to the feeling of having one bad thing happen after another, I've had horrible experiences with guys. But looking back I didnt always make the best decisions. Admitting this to myself makes me feel like less of a victim and actually makes me feel more hopeful for the future.

I think she put that well. I think when you don't have confidence you attract people to you who will take advantage of you. No one's perfect, but there are good women out there who will not use you. You just have to get yourself straightened out to the point where you are happy and proud of your life, because if you don't the chances of you entering a stable relationship are slim. It might seem like a tough task right now, but there are people who are living happy lives that have been dealt way worse cards than you. It's totally possible for you to be happy.

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breckgirl

Me love you long time

This may sound ridiculous, but you may be the kind of guy who may have to consider a new approach to "relations" with females. Prostitutes.

They have their place in many men's lives.

Charlie Sheen had the right idea I suppose when you think about it. No ties, no commitments, no women using you for your celebrity status...and no hurt feelings when they leave.

Legend...buck up little camper. I am sorry she had to be like that and I am especially appalled at what she said "you are nothing" What a tramp.

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catiesmom

Sounds like Herpes wasn't the issue with this one. Sounds like she was just a user and a liar.

I'm so sorry you're having trouble, Legend. I agree that taking some time off from dating might be the best idea. Sometimes in order to pull yourself out of a downward spiral, you have to STOP THE TURNING completely. Good luck!

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gotitsowhat

Amateur psych here

Sometimes when a parent has not been nurturing and loving, we tend to gravitate toward people who are not as decent and kind as we hoped they'd be. If your mother is rejecting toward you (even the mothers of convicted murderers stand by them!), then she might have set you up for accepting too much crap from women.

I'm not so sure about the prostitute (but if it makes you feel any better...just wear a condom) but you do need to be extra kind to yourself and stop dating for now. Then give yourself a chance to understand why you were unable to see it coming (were there red flags you ignored or misinterpreted?) or why you put up with the crap that is making you furious now. Take good care of yourself and give yourself some time to heal and develop more insight into your experiences with women. The woman you described sounds like a real loser--who tells someone they are "nothing"? Take care of yourself and give yourself some time. And, who knows, maybe some better luck it waiting for you out there when you are ready to try again. I wish you the best.

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WarriorKing

Sunday May 10, 2009

After 20 years of marriage the "until death do us part" partner announces "I am not in love with you anymore". However she is in love with someone that she has secretly chatted with on facebook for six weeks.

So I know your pain.

There was disbelief. There was anger. Then there was numbness.

Then I decided to look for a really nice and loving person. I decided to not think that there was no one there. There are at least 48 million single women in the USA. There are many more around the world. While finding a new partner was not going to be the focus of my new life it was going to be an important part. Let's be silly for a minute and assume that only 1% of these women are nice, honest, and genuine. You have 480,000 women to meet before you give up, but that is just in the USA.

By the way I am dating now, and the second woman that I dated is really wonderful and could be the one.

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Lookonthesunnyside
By the way I am dating now, and the second woman that I dated is really wonderful and could be the one.

Yaaayy!! :D

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chooseyourbattles
This may sound ridiculous, but you may be the kind of guy who may have to consider a new approach to "relations" with females. Prostitutes.

They have their place in many men's lives.

I look down on people who use prostitutes. I don't think it's a noble thing to do, and I wouldn't date a man if I knew he had used them more than once. But you wouldn't be the only one.

As for mrhonest's comment about only 1% of people being dateable, I gotta say it's up to 5% in my book.

Legend, I feel the same way as you do about dating. But at least we can both say it isn't because of herpes.

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JoeTheLionWentToTheBar
OMG! Sometimes it's better not to speak.
There is nothing wrong with prostitutes or the men who spend time with them and money on them. Its an ancient noble profession that satisfies both parties needs.

Its one thing if a guy is spending his children's food money on them, its another thing for a guy to choose to spend his hard earned money as he sees fit to fulfill his sexual fantasies.

Men in their 30s to 50s, often married, hanging out with women, age 20-24, smoking hot angels on every level, if you can't understand that, well, then you don't get it. Almost all men, whether they choose to hang with little hotties or not, they totally understand what I am talking about.

Look at our culture, the images of hot young women, EVERYWHERE, the energy, the money spent on narcissistic pursuits, the constant obsession with youth. Think about it a little and you might be able to catch a glimpse of what men are looking for in a:

WF, super hottie, 5' 9", runway model looks, 36-24-34, D, angelic face, exotic, or girl next door blond, here to please you in every way, $200.

And yes, you can catch herpes from them whether you are safe or not too just like you can catch herpes from non-prostitutes in a second also.

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JoeTheLionWentToTheBar
I look down on people who use prostitutes. I don't think it's a noble thing to do, and I wouldn't date a man if I knew he had used them more than once. But you wouldn't be the only one.

As for mrhonest's comment about only 1% of people being dateable, I gotta say it's up to 5% in my book.

Legend, I feel the same way as you do about dating. But at least we can both say it isn't because of herpes.

Usually its not the men you date, its the husband of 20 years who visits prostitutes. I know. Prostitutes tell me who their clients are. Age 35-55, married, living in the burbs, attending all the right social functions, living in all the right neighborhoods and catch that train home after work to be with their loving family, AFTER they spend an hour in the hotel room with a smoking hottie.

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chooseyourbattles
Usually its not the men you date, its the husband of 20 years who visits prostitutes. I know. Prostitutes tell me who their clients are. Age 35-55, married, living in the burbs, attending all the right social functions, living in all the right neighborhoods and catch that train home after work to be with their loving family, AFTER they spend an hour in the hotel room with a smoking hottie.

Yes, I know this. I've heard about women whose husbands used prostitutes, and I know someone who worked as a call girl. I have friends who worked in the porn industry. I myself worked as a stripper for a short time.

But that doesn't change my opinion about prostitution. I know that I won't necessarily be able to tell if my husband is using one, and I know that otherwise upstanding men such as Eliot Spitzer will throw all of their glory away for the habit. But if I can help it, I'd like to stay as far away from any of it as possible.

Sometimes prostitutes have young men as clients, who do it once for kicks. Sometimes their clients will be very old, or in sexless marriages, or disabled. While the idea is distasteful, I don't think it harms anybody. I don't think Legend would be a bad person if he utilized a lady for hire and didn't tell her he has herpes.

And I certainly understand the appeal of a beautiful young woman in contrast to a fat wife. However, people who use prostitutes on a regular basis are not only being unfaithful, they are engaging in a highly addictive behavior, and addictive behavior, be it alcoholism, drug abuse, or sex, is harmful to oneself and everyone else one is involved with. I would judge a drunk just as harshly for the effect he has on his wife.

I like you, Joe; I think you are a voice of reason amid the hysteria on this forum. However, on this issue, we will have to agree to disagree.

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Lookonthesunnyside

to joe

K, firstly not all prostitutes have "runway model" looks and are not "smoking hotties". I think your post in general glorifies the entire thing, when in reality the majority of women prostituting themselves live pretty shitty lives of exploitation. I'm not sure what part of selling your body for sex an often giving up a large percentage of your 'income' to your pimp is noble or respectable. And if "understanding" what you mean means understanding why men would enjoy having meaningless sex with a woman who they are paying to do whatever they want in bed, yes we all 'get' that, its pretty simple. But you're looking at prostitution purely from the stance that it fulfills men's sexual desires, not at all at how it affects these womens' lives and why they're prostituting themselves in the first place. And this is why its exploitative. And if you choose to throw out the opinion that these women love sucking dick for a living, have "freedom" within their career and live confident fulfilled lives, if this is ever true it accounts for a very tiny minority of prostitutes.

And besides, I dont think the original poster was expressing an urge to get laid, he was upset because he felt like he wasnt able to maintain a meaningful romantic relationship with a woman. And because his mother and him werent speaking anymore. I dont really see how spending money on meaningless sex with prostitutes would fix either of those problems. In fact, if he admits to having trouble maintaining a romantic relationship, I think engaging in regular sexual relationships with prostitutes would, if anything, hinder his progress with women.

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Shayna
There is nothing wrong with prostitutes or the men who spend time with them and money on them. Its an ancient noble profession that satisfies both parties needs.

Its one thing if a guy is spending his children's food money on them, its another thing for a guy to choose to spend his hard earned money as he sees fit to fulfill his sexual fantasies.

Men in their 30s to 50s, often married, hanging out with women, age 20-24, smoking hot angels on every level, if you can't understand that, well, then you don't get it. Almost all men, whether they choose to hang with little hotties or not, they totally understand what I am talking about.

Look at our culture, the images of hot young women, EVERYWHERE, the energy, the money spent on narcissistic pursuits, the constant obsession with youth. Think about it a little and you might be able to catch a glimpse of what men are looking for in a:

WF, super hottie, 5' 9", runway model looks, 36-24-34, D, angelic face, exotic, or girl next door blond, here to please you in every way, $200.

And yes, you can catch herpes from them whether you are safe or not too just like you can catch herpes from non-prostitutes in a second also.

If you want to discuss prostitution further, please start your own thread as not to highjack Legends thread any further.

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Now18
There is nothing wrong with prostitutes or the men who spend time with them and money on them. Its an ancient noble profession that satisfies both parties needs.

Its one thing if a guy is spending his children's food money on them, its another thing for a guy to choose to spend his hard earned money as he sees fit to fulfill his sexual fantasies.

Men in their 30s to 50s, often married, hanging out with women, age 20-24, smoking hot angels on every level, if you can't understand that, well, then you don't get it. Almost all men, whether they choose to hang with little hotties or not, they totally understand what I am talking about.

Look at our culture, the images of hot young women, EVERYWHERE, the energy, the money spent on narcissistic pursuits, the constant obsession with youth. Think about it a little and you might be able to catch a glimpse of what men are looking for in a:

WF, super hottie, 5' 9", runway model looks, 36-24-34, D, angelic face, exotic, or girl next door blond, here to please you in every way, $200.

What prostitutes are you getting for $200? Not in the U.S.?

While I understand the reason prostitutes exist, not every man would throw their dignity away for a night with "perfection." I know plenty of men who have sewed their wild oats, have gotten beautiful women in college and beyond, and no longer want one night stands, let alone, pay money for sex.

I think prostitution is wrong as well. I know that the women who are in the profession have chosen to be, but they are definitely doing it as a last resort. I don't think it should be endorsed, and I would not date a man if I knew he'd been with one.

P.S., 5'9" with a 24" waist is absolutely disgusting. I'm that height and have a BMI of under 19, and my waist is 28".

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Wishing Well

If you have herpes and are going to get a fix from a prostitute, you're probably not the only one. If shes not asking you about your past then she probably hasnt asked anyone else so in my opinion you're probably going to be exposed to some nasty diseases. If you use them regularly its just a numbers game before you catch something worse and perhaps life threatening.

You could also infect her and deny her her livilhood.

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angellady

Girls go through the same thing with guys. Guys totally screw them over, cheat, etc. etc. You're going after bad girls. Would you even know what a good girl looks like? You just want the bad ones because it's hot to you. Then you wonder why you get hurt.

Girls go after bad guys too and wonder the same thing. Take your time getting to know someone, cuz then you will find out if they're crazy or not before things get serious.

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