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pointing fingers

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I have just been tested for herpies 1or 2 or both. I will know my results in a few days I have no symptoms so i am crossing my fingers. the guy who i have been with we have not practiced safe sex. we both are seperated. he has been telling me that him and his wife are just good friends come to find out he has been enjoying both of us sexually. she decided to get tested after she saw me in his bed. she has been tested positive for genital herpies so I went to get tested. he is trying to point fingers and narrow it down. he needs to blame himself for not useing any protection and I am to blame for not insisting that he wear a condom. the finger needs to be pointed at us not trying to narrow it down to who it could of been. it has been a big wake up call for me. weither i have it or not there will always be a condom worn by my partner!

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Butterfly of the Moment

The man or his wife may have had the virus for a very long time from previous relationships/relations with other people before their marriage. And since not one of you have symptoms, it will be very difficult to know who gave what to whom. Almost half if not more of people who have genital herpes/oral herpes, do not have symptoms or symptoms they recognize as herpes. For some people they get a rash or a little itch but never sores. It's possible for a couple to never pass the virus on to eachother even if they've had sex for years. And condoms don't offer full protection. Many people on this forum have gotten genital herpes even when they used a condom. All that is required to pass on the virus is skin to skin contact with the infected area and a condom doesn't cover the entire area around the groin. It's good that you are getting tested, but I would never talk to the prick again.

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Yes just because one person has it does not mean you will get it

even though you have unprotected sex with someone who may have herpes, does not mean you will automatically get it as well. I have had plenty of unprotected sex with non h women and have never passed it along.

Good luck with your test results. Hopefully you are not a member of our 'club'.


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Good luck with the test results

But even if you had used a condom, it would not have provided full protection from herpes as herpes can be caught even if you use a condom, as many on here will attest from their own experiences. The truth is, people who get herpes are not careless, or promiscuous or foolish, they are unlucky.

I hope your luck runs good with this one and that it turns out you don't have it. Remember that a swab test must be done on an active outbreak at the height of the outbreak and a blood test must be done at least 3 months from time of exposure to be accurate. And if it's a blood test, then be sure it's the kind that tells which type of hsv you might have.

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Best of luck to you... I know how scary this can be..

Live, Laugh, Love


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  • The Hive is Thriving!

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    • TCBH
      You don't put it down there. you put it on your arm. 
    • luvurself16
      I got hsv from a police officer. Sickos out there.
    • Toro
      I am 44 and I have active herpes in both of my eyes.Only Amenalief helps.
    • Jayne
      I know this thread is a couple of years old, but it’s been helpful to me, and I wanted to contribute as well. Back to Berliner’s original post, I’ve tested negative on several IGGs, with the latest ones being 1 yr and now almost 2 years past exposure.  Figuring out what was going on was the worst nightmare I’ve ever been through in my life. I made the mistake of drinking heavily a week after my father died of cancer, and I had unprotected AS with an ex, who happened to be poly and had some occasional unprotected M2M encounters.   Three days later I had a red line rash along my (sorry to get explicit) crack. This was followed by a rectal burning. Tested negative for G&C and related tests.  Over the next couple of weeks I had severe swelling and discomfort in my lower right quadrant and was told to go to the ER, where (I guess as a standard practice) they did a cat scan, which revealed nothing.  Also not a bacterial infection.  However the repeated manual examinations that occurred at urgent care and the ER seemed to relieve the abdominal pressure over the next few days.  I then had diarrhea for the next several weeks after.  I developed what felt like internal hemorrhoids, which were exacerbated by the diarrhea, and a gastro doctor confirmed via digital exam that there was indeed some sort of mass that felt like possible hemorrhoids. He ordered a sigmoidoscopy, but by the time it was undertaken, whatever was there was gone. After the procedure though, I felt much better for a while, possibly due to digestive issues clearing up after the colon “cleanse.” But this was concurrent with other issues.   About 3 weeks after the encounter I developed a large rash on my left thigh. Shortly thereafter I started having light sensitivity issues, culminating in a fever-like state after being outside in the sun only for 15 minutes after work. At work around that time for a couple days I felt like I was going through life encased in a gauzy gel- similar to being on laughing gas at the dentist, but not in a good way. I didn’t know what the hell was happening to me. I developed a severe case of canker sores for about a day. Later during a sunny drive, after getting back in the car at a gas station I noticed a red blotch below my lip. I tried to shrug it off but it happened again on the trip back.  So by about a month after the encounter I was having more anxiety. I spent the night at a friend’s house and woke up with a massive, swollen red eye and swollen lips. I got eye drops for bacterial conjunctivitis but that was wishful thinking.  A couple of weeks later, my lips were covered in sores. I smothered them with abreva. By the next day, they had mostly gone away. I tried to do a swab test at urgent care (I believe it was the next day), but there was not enough there to make any sort of positive diagnosis. Since then, I’ve had what you could call repeated aborted lesions and red blotches that appear around my mouth, particularly after stress and alcohol consumption. But even having peanut butter or chocolate would set it off for a long time. Fair skin doesn’t help- there was no hiding it. Two months after the encounter, I had my first vaginal burning- it was pretty intense and I had to use ice cubes because I didn’t know what else to do.   The worse feeling though was the periodic flare-ups of rectal itching/burning, often accompanied by another red line rash. It made sitting uncomfortable for about the next two months. I couldn’t wear pants at work- only skirts seemed to make things somewhat less irritated. And for the first three months, I was still testing for HIV along with HSV because of the overlapping symptoms (rash, diarrhea, neural pain, severe flu like symptoms without fever). I lost a lot of weight and had panic attacks. On top of all this I had just moved to a new city and started a new job and didn’t have a support network. And the sad thing is, I had to deal with all of this instead of being able to grieve for my father and being a better source of support to my mother. She had to support me without understanding what was happening.   Another bad thing through all of this was having both my ex and my current partner treat me like I’m crazy. That makes me feel alone and in the dark. Another “hysterical woman.” F*** that.  And while I felt grateful that my current was at the time still ready to be with me even if I had hsv, it’s a little discomfiting that he still doesn’t really believe me. But I’ve learned to live with ambiguity. And now I’m used to doctors as well as partners acting like this is nonexistent. Especially with negative IGG tests even 2 years later, which have left me without any answers.  I’m lucky in a way to be able to blend in because I don’t get obvious sores, genitally or orally (I can cover up the blotches with concealer, and they fortunately have lessened in frequency). But I still get the rectal itching/burning every six months or so (anthistamines seem to alleviate it a bit). And as more of a concern, I’ve had a cramp in my lower right quadrant ever since, which feels like it’s in my digestive tract. Since this has pretty much spread everywhere else in my body, intestinal involvement wouldn’t surprise me, and it isn’t unheard of anyways. I’ve tried to move past this and have since gotten married to my partner, who is a source of support (even if he doesn’t believe I’m having health problems. I know that’s a contradiction but occasionally I want to believe that too.).  I’m also newly pregnant, and symptoms have started to flare up again somewhat. I’m sure this will be an adventure. Hopefully more good than crazy. I know I’m going to struggle with the fear of passing this along but I’m trying to reconcile what doctors say (which is that it is extremely rare) with my own intuition about what I need to be careful of. Maybe I’ll repost with an update down the road. In short, there are people out there who test negative and have to live with loved ones and doctors thinking that a negative test closes the book on this. Again, learning to live with ambiguity is a real life lesson that I’m still coming to grips with. This forum and specifically this post have been a source of comfort that I haven’t been able to find elsewhere. Thanks everyone for the support for the community.     
    • Rockster
      You deepthroat so good that you get all kinds of mouth-to-skin-of-base contact? Kudos to you, but that is extremely rare. 

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