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Defined

How do I feel better?

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Defined

I am 22 years old and was diagnosed with HSV1 in the genital area four years ago during my second week of my freshman year of college. I had only slept with three people before I found out, and am still not even sure if I got it from actual sex. I still feel like my life ended four years ago and I often wonder what I would be like today if I never contracted this. I had my first relationship about a month after I was diagnosed, and didn't tell him for about a month. He was pretty good after I told him, but the relationship eventually ended. I am yet to be in a relationship since then and the only things I know for certain that I want in my life is a husband and children. I still have no clue how to go about being with people. Many terrible things have been said about me, and I think that is a big part of why I have let this define me. I assume everybody just sees me as gross. Many people have tried to give me advice. Some people commended me on being honest with the people I sleep with, others told me it wasn't necessary to say anything if I was being safe. I was afraid nobody would ever want me, so I went sort of wild and am ashamed that in the past four years I have slept with 22 people (and have not infected a single person). I tried to do the sleeping with somebody and not telling them thing, but it destroyed me. I would never want somebody to do that to me, how could I justify doing that to somebody else? I have always had issues with depression, and it has only gotten worse with this. I feel like I don't care about anything since I don't think anything good will ever happen to me. I have dropped out of college and am working a job that any idiot could do. Nothing really matters to me since this is how I define myself. I no longer have any dreams or look forward to anything. I hoped I would feel better over time, but I am still struggling with this daily four years later. I am afraid I am going to be alone forever. If I can't see past this, how will anybody else? I feel like my life is ruined and I'm not really living. I end up going for terrible guys because I assume that it's inevitable that it won't work out because who would want to be with somebody as disgusting as I am? Thanks for letting me vent.

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JBnATL

Where do you live?

Hopefully there is a support group near your. Seeing other normal people who live with this would probably make you feel better. The support group here in Atlanta really helped me out.

How much do you know about the virus? This site has a lot of valuable information on it and the more you know the more you should realize that this is an insignificant little disease.

Good luck!

JB

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Defined

I have done plenty of research and know all about it. I know other people who have it. It doesn't feel so insignificant. I feel like my life has been ruined and there is nothing I can do about it. I have thought about hurting myself, but I could never do that to my family. I feel like I have just resigned to being miserable forever.

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Ouch24

dont be negative abt it...things could be worse , its not the end of the world. my boyfriend gave it to me and i felt like my world had crushed but m hanging in there.

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Butterfly of the Moment

Hey there, I am 23 now and I contracted herpes in May of this year. I caught this right after I graduated from college. My boyfriend and I went on a break for 3 months (his choice not mine) and had sex with someone else (who gave me genital herpes). I had to come clean to my ex because he wanted to get back together with me and I still loved him too so I told him and he flipped out and couldn't even look at me. He was actually devastated b/c I slept with someone else, not b/c I caught genital herpes. He says "he doesn't care about something that won't kill him." We are together now but I'm bitter about a lot of things that played out this year that led to me catching this shitty virus. If someone cares about you they will find a way and overlook the virus. When you're dating someone, if they've ever had a coldsore, that means you have the same thing. You can't catch the virus again since you already have antibodies. And vice versa. I have type 1 and type 2...not fun and I'm much rather have type 1 only b/c approx 80% of people have it. It's all in your head and YOU are the only person who will never leave you. SO why treat yourself like shit? Do you have to live a miserable existence b/c you are under the false impression no one will want to be with you again. People are attracted to confident and people who are comfortable with themselves. Try positivesingles.com.....that is the most active herpes dating website.

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Defined

I have a date tonight and I feel like if it goes somewhere, I will eventually have to tell him, and it will end. I went out with a really nice guy a few months ago, I told him, and we decided we weren't going to sleep together yet because he needed more time to think. We ended up sleeping together, and then he dumped me. I just don't want to go through that again. It gets harder and harder every time. I do try and stay positive, but I still feel so defeated. I think I'm just using this place as an outlet to vent.

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