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Optimistic24

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Optimistic24

Hello!

I was just diagnosed in June of this year with genital herpes...and I have been having a VERY hard time with it. I feel like I should have known better and protected myself. I am kind of going through this self loathing stage...I even wanted to commit suicide.

I was dating this lawyer for a couple of months and one day I saw something on his penis and knew immediately that it was herpes. I am in the medical profession and have had a lot of classes that covered STDs/STI's. It was in vesicle form and I told him what it looked like and he just laughed at me and said that it was a rash from us having sex the day before. I was really stupid and continued having sex with him because I wanted to believe him so bad... I knew I was so completely stupid! I saw the vesicles on Sat and by monday I showed signs of a primary outbreak...full blown! I

had a fever, malaise and these cuts formed that later turned into these large open wounds! I told him and he still denied that it was herpes...it kept getting worse until finally by friday I went to the doctor. I described them to the nurse as herpetic lesions because I knew that that was what they were...he was actually very unkind and told me he hoped my boyfriend loved me because pretty much now I was "stuck with him". When I finally saw the gynocologist she was the same way. She said that it was definitely genital herpes but because my lesions were open (which my new gynocologist informed me is the BEST time to do a swab test) she could not do a swab test but could do a blood test...that came out negative which I was told would if it was my primary outbreak..which it was!

I made my boyfriend at the time get tested but he waited until his lesions scabbed over and went away before going in and claimed that his blood test was negative too! I still don't know if that was true or not!

I started getting outbreaks every two weeks since June and finally my boyfriend and I broke up because I couldn't get over the fact that he gave it to me and still TO THIS DAY still denies having it himself! He said that I could have gotten it from someone else but I SAW the lesions on him! For all I know he is out giving it to someone else!

I finally found a really nice gynocologist in September that did a swab test (thanks to my bimonthly outbreaks) and a blood test... she said my tests came back kind of strange because the swab test tested positive for type 1 herpes but the blood test came back as type 2...is that possible?!

I guess I am on here because I just need to talk to people that are going through the same thing. Everyone seems so nice on this blog and its great knowing that I am not alone!

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WarriorKing

You are probably right and he probably does have it and he will continue to spread it. Guys and gals that refuse to look at the real world have played a large part in the spread of H and other things.

It looks like you hit two home runs in a row by finding a doctor that said you were "stuck" with the bad guy. That is completed ridiculous. There are a lot of good people in this world that will want you.

You will find a very large support community here.

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Misty67

you are not alone

I am glad you found a good doctor, that is so important! I too have a wonderful doctor. He tried to be so optimistic, but my blood test came back postive. He did not do swap test because I was not broken out, just had a small tear. I was exposed in July and knew almost immediately that something was wrong, it took 2 months to be diagnosed.

I did not notice any lesions or blisters on the man that gave this to me, I do however remember him being really "red", I didn't think anything about it. He swears to me he didn't know. He was tested 3 weeks ago, I have not heard what the results are, doesn't matter because I KNOW he is positive.

I too am having many outbreaks, hopefully that will end soon. Are you on any anti-virals? and are you taking Lysine? I take both, and other vitamins, I can't tell that they are helping. I really think it is the stress I am under.

As far as your blood test and swap test showing different types I am unsure of the answer to that question. Maybe someone else here has some helpful info. Hang in there!!! and again you are NOT alone;)

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catiesmom

It is NOT possible for the blood test to pick up on one type in different ways. If your tests are to be believed, you have HSV-2 genitally (where the swab was) and you also have HSV-1 somewhere. Most likely orally. It IS possible that your blood test didn't pick up on the newer HSV-2 infection, and, as much as you like this doctor, it IS possible they interpreted the results incorrectly. As you've already seen, doctors don't always know best even if they do have good bedside manner.

My suggestion is to retest.

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JBnATL

Welcome to the club!

Hi, your profile says you are from CA. Hopefully you live near a metro area. Most metro areas have herpes support groups. Perhaps you could attend a support meeting. There you will see others just like you living with this disease. Here are the one's in California:

- Los Angeles HELP -

Los Angeles Help

P.O. Box 2881, Culver City, CA 90230

Ph: (310) 281-7511 or (323) 653-5725

- Northern California HELP -

Solano Clinical Research

Ph: (707) 643-5785 Vallejo Group

Ph: (530) 757-7797 Davis Group

email:

- Orange County HELP -

Orange County HELP

P.O. Box 4326, Orange, CA 92613

Ph: (949) 753-2580

- Sacramento HELP -

Sacramento Help

P.O. Box 1817, Rancho Cordova, CA 95741-1817

Ph: (916) 557-8733

- San Diego City HELP -

San Diego Help

P.O. Box 82143, San Diego, CA 92138-2143

Ph:
(619) 491-1194

- San Francisco HELP -

San Francisco Help

Email:

Web:
/

Ph: (650) 387-4784 or (650) 704-4021

Contact: Allen (Please no calls after 10 PM)

Meetings on the third Wednesday of every month at 7:30 p.m., St. Mary's Hospital, 450 Stanyan Street, 3-East Conference Room.

- Santa Rosa HELP -

Santa Rosa Help c/o Marsha Lose

R.N. Community Hospital 3325 Chanate Road Santa Rosa, CA 95404

Ph: (707) 576-4307 or (707) 573-8442

- South Bay HELP -

South Bay Help

P.O. Box 4225 Mt. View, CA 94040

Ph: (408) 296-1444

- Valley HELP -

Valley Help

P.O. Box 8252 Mission Hills, CA 91346-8252

Ph: (818) 377-3271

Good luck!

JB

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Optimistic24

Thank you!

Thank you everyone for your replies! They are so supportive and kind!

I am right now on Valtrex and since I have been put on it about every week or so I get a little itchiness and discharge but don't actually get the lesions...which I am VERY thankful for! Those hurt SO BAD!

I haven't tried lysine but now I am going to go to the drug store and get some supplements! Thanks!

I also live in the San Diego area so I will definitely check out the support groups.

I made the mistake of telling one of my ex's that I had it because he was trying to get back together with me...he COMPLETELY ridiculed me! He told me I was dirty and how no one would EVER want me again because I had an STD...want to hear the messed up part? He is an anesthesiologist! A Dr! And he was saying such mean things to me!

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  • The Hive is Thriving!

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    • Atrapasueños
      Hola chicos recibí mis resultados de mi cultivo de mis brotes en hombros y cuello y dio positivo me siento mal aunque ya sospechaba me niego a pensar que este virus es inofensivo ahora no sólo tengo que lidiar con mis brotes en mi cara o genitales también los que aparecen en mis hombros y cuello sólo les deseo lo mejor y cuiden mucho su cuerpo __________________________  Hi guys I got my results of my culture of my shoots on shoulders and neck and gave positive I feel bad even though I already suspected I refuse to think that this virus is harmless now not only do I have to deal with my outbreaks on my face or genitals also those that appear on my shoulders and neck I only wish you the best and take good care of your body
    • IcantThinkofaName
      I agree completely with @Dutchy and what she said. You are always going to think about this. Its best to get a conclusive answer if you can. I am not sure it is herpes. Sorry to ask, but: Is there any chance you could have been sexually assaulted at a young age and not remember? or  Were you  ever a wrestler or Boxer ? Those are the only two instances I can think of that would cause HSV 2 if you haven't had sexual contact  Chances are high that you don't have it. And, if it turns out to be HSV1 , you already have that , so no worries there either. I have had 2 Drs say a bacterial infection on my face was HSV1 . I have never had HSV1, My IGG tests results have always been negative too for HSV1 in the past and present too. ( It was really a bacterial infection, I had had an injection and was touching the area a lot and I infected it with my dirty hands. I then went to a infectious disease specialist who told me looked  bacterial not viral).  I did sadly get infected with Hsv2 almost 2 years ago now ( 1 year after the facial bacterial infection) and it was intense and severe. If I had had HSV1 my outbreak would have been less severe from what I understand. My Hsv 1 IGG tests are STILL negative. Those drs were wrong. Maybe yours are too. And if it is from a wetsuit, then people need to know that its a possible risk.  I truly wish your results to be negative.  You deserve peace. Best wishes to you.
    • IcantThinkofaName
      @Rain and Ashes get a blood test, don't go by visual diagnosis, esp. if you  are a virgin and haven't had sexual contact. It could be  a staph infection or somethign else Drs misdiagnose things all the time. Its terrible and unprofessional of them to refuse to do the bloodwork, and to only visually diagnose if you haven't had sex.  If its a privacy issue or not wanting it on your records, then  maybe go to an anonymous place and pay out of pocket. And if it is indeed HSV2, and you got it from a wetsuit, then there is a lot we don't know about this virus and your story needs to be shared, if it is indeed true. Best of Luck to you!
    • Ashleerae
      I totally see where you're coming from. Having herpes made me feel like the biggest piece of shit I could be, thought it would be nice to kill myself and not have to deal with it, but not a serious thought, just a fantasy.  I was diagnosed over 3 years ago with genital HSV-2. I can't be 100%, but I think I got it from my ex. Over the last 2 years, I've been hitting personal development hard and trying to get totally comfortable with myself for everything I am, including herpes. I've improved things about myself that I've struggled with my entire life and I won't stop striving to be the real me, not take everything in life so hard or seriously, and be somebody I could respect. I've become more confident, which I've never been. Now I see herpes as a little bit of a blessing (haha crazy), but without this, I may have never confronted my issues with myself and changed it. I am more empathic to myself and to other people rather than being self-centered and shallow like I was sometimes. Herpes forced me to love myself and become more resilient. I'm telling you this because it's normal to beat yourself up over this and feel ashamed, but fuck it. Don't feel ashamed. Own it and get so comfortable with it that nobody's opinion could sway your feelings about yourself. I don't mean tell everyone unless you want to. I've told my immediate family and 4 friends recently and they were all very receptive and said it's not a big deal - these are people I trust. And for some of us, we know it's not as big of a deal physically as we imagined it would be before we contracted it or during the worst outbreak(s) - for me it was emotionally destructive because I let it get to me. Let me tell you my first disclosure story.  A month and a half ago, I got drunk and was talking to this guy, a friend of a friend. We hit it off and were having fun. We got pretty drunk and hooked up and I didn't tell him. Wanna know how I felt after that? Anxious, fucking horrible, like a terrible person. And I'm not judging others here, but I judged myself hard because I felt like I had hurt someone. This was eating me alive. I was going to tell him the next day and then he was out with friends so I didn't want to ruin his night. Two days later I talked to him and asked him to call me (live in different cities). I had practiced how I was going to say this over and over. I told him we got a little carried away and asked if we used a condom (couldn't remember), we didn't. I apologized and told him my status and that I'm on repressive meds so it doesn't surface, but it's still possible that it would. I was expecting him to lash out, call me names, tell our mutual friends and all of his own friends, which would be his right. I was lucky and I didn't feel like I deserved his actual response due to the situation of not disclosing before anything happened. He said, "It's okay. I'll make a doctor's appointment to get tested and get on meds if I need to. It sounds like you've been beating yourself up about this, so stop doing that. It's fine. I had a condom in my bag that I found the next day, I should have used it. Really, don't worry." Seriously, this is how the conversation went. He tested negative and is going to test again in 6 months. And we've been talking for the last month and a half since, he told me he's glad he met me and had fun, and he's coming to visit for a weekend in October. I talked to our mutual friend, who one of my best friends that I trust; I told her after I told him and confirmed he hasn't told anyone else about my status (I asked him not to unless he does have it, then he can say whatever he wants).  The reason I'm telling you this is because I've learned an incredibly important lesson from this. I know that not disclosing is against my moral code and I don't want to give this to anyone without giving them the choice first because I wasn't given the option and it destroyed me for awhile. Condoms don't guarantee it won't be passed on. If I want to feel good about the person I am, this is a conversation I have to have with anyone I'm going to have any sexual contact with.  I also know I was lucky with this guy being so kind. He didn't have to be that way. This taught me a valuable lesson too. Choose wisely who I want in my life and who I trust. I'm not worried anymore what other people think of me; what do I think of them? If somebody says no after disclosing, that is their right and it has no bearing on me, it's not a diss. They don't want herpes and neither did I; maybe there could be a friendship there instead. Some people don't see this as a deal breaker though and I know I don't feel bad about myself for telling somebody the truth and giving them the option. I'm not proud about not disclosing first, but I made it right and know that's how I will handle it from now on.  I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do either. This was my experience and this is just what I learned. 
    • PhilFletch
      Thanks for the post! We appreciate it can sometimes be difficult to talk about the subject or even to go and see your GP about it. Thankfully theres lots of online companies now that do an online consultation to get your herpes meds delivered in the post. Have a look at PostMyMeds Ltd, https://postmymeds.co.uk
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