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How to tell

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So I have only been diagnosed for a little over a month now.. and i haven't had to have "the talk" with any new dating prospects yet.. But now Ive met this guy and we've hung out a few times, talked on the phone, texted, emailed, etc.. but how do I tell him? when should i tell him? Im so afraid that Im going to tell him and he is just going to bounce and not talk to me anymore..

So any pointers??

Live, Laugh, Love


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You should tell him when YOU feel comfortable with him, and that you think that the relationship is at a stage where you both would like to take it a little further. I always think it is best to leave it as long as possible, so that you both have time to really get to know each other. That way, you can gage if you trust him, and he can get to like you so much, that he is willing to give you a good hearing.

Also, choose your setting carefully. I always prefer to have the talk at home, and not during a kissing session! How about you offer to cook him dinner, and bring it up over dessert, when both of you will be feeling nice and relaxed?

Don't make a big deal of it, and try and keep your emotions in check. Tell him the facts. If you give him all the info, and stay cool about it, he is less likely to over-react.

And finally, if he does decide that he does not want to continue the relationship because of it, then you come here immediately for support – it can happen, and it can be hard to get your head around being rejected because of this silly virus, but you are not alone, and not every guy will react this way. I have had the talk many times, and gone on to have happy healthy relationships. I have also been denied relationships because of it – but looking back, this was always by men I was not 100% sure about – so there is a lesson in that. I think in our hearts we know when someone is going to be understanding and non-judgemental about herpes – especially if we have taken time to get to know them before disclosing.

I am thinking I may have to have this talk myself sometime soon, so I do know how you are feeling right now, you just want to get it over and done with! Because until then it just hangs over you, somewhat blighting any happy feelings you should be having at the start of a relationship.

But! We have to play the hand we are dealt...Best of luck, lovely.


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Here is how I give the talk

I agree with Soraya, try and do it in a comfortable setting. Do not make a big deal out of it or say "I have something important to tell you".

I start out by asking her if she has ever had a cold sore. Chances are she will say yes, so I tell her I get cold sores down there. If she says no, I say I get cold sores down there. I do tell her it is herpes, but I figure that if I can get her to associate it with something she does not think is a bad thing, cold sores, she will be accepting of it.

Also, read as much information as you can. They will probably have questions and if you can answer them then the more they will realize this is pretty much a harmless little virus.

I have had this 'gift' many years and have given the talk many times. I have never been rejected because of this.

Good luck!


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I really think JB's way of relating it to cold sores (which it is) is a really good idea.

Both him and Soraya have offered you great advice.

Take your time and make sure you feel sure about him before you put yourself out there, and when you do try and remain as confident as possible. (I know its hard). If its meant to be, you two will work around it.

Good luck ;)

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

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