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frightened and shocked

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i don't even really know what to say here. i just got back from emerg where they took one look at me and told me i officially have genital herpes. i believe that i would be in a state of shock, except they gave me a handful of anti anxiety pills to dull the edge of the news. not too smart considering what i want to do now is down them all and be in a numb stupor for the rest of my life. ive done quite a bit of research already and everything tells me that this is not the end of the world and i do tend to agree.. the world will go on.. but my life? perhaps not so much. i am 23 years old and i have always had a healthy sex life both in terms of amount and in terms of sexual practices. i'm fairly educated on the subject and so took precautions to prevent this happening to me (apart from absinence, obviously). well regardless of all of my thought and education, this has happened to me and this has been, without comparison, the worst day of my life. i am absolutely devestated. i feel like my life is falling apart. i have never had a relationship in my life, not through any choice of my own, but mostly because i have been told i am not the take home to mother kind of girl. well who will want to introduce me to their mother now? not only that, but i have had several sexual relationships in my past and while they are not conventional by any means, they have meant a lot to me and those people are important in my life, despite that they may live in other cities or countries. i feel like all of those relationships are now dead. i feel like i have lost my favourite part of myself. the part that is confident and sexual and brave. i now feel ashamed, and dirty, and cowardly. i have no idea how i am going to break this news to my current partner. i am fairly certain that he is the one who has given it to me because i have not slept with anyone else since the last time i was tested. i don't think that he knows that he has it since we had the sti conversation before we started sleeping together. that is one of my biggest worries, but only slightly less are the other people in my life and when or if i should tell them and if i am brave enough to go this alone. i feel very alone. i live by myself have no committed partner, parents who live far away, and not many friends, though i am sure the ones i have would be supportive i dont know if i can bring myself to tell them. i am so very very very sad. i hope someone responds to this quickly, as i have been up all night thinking very lonely frightening thoughts and i need to feel the community reaching out to me or i don't know what i will do.

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You are not alone

And it will get better. Millions of people have herpes. In fact some estimate up to 80 percent of the population has it.

You need to be around others who have this. Come to the "Live Chat" room. There you will meet other normal people like yourself who have this 'gift'.

You don't state where in Canada you live, but there are several support groups that are hopefully close to you. Most groups have regular support meetings. The one here in Atlanta really helped me out. Seeing other people like me with this made me realize this was not so bad.

Read as much as you can about this virus. The more you know the more you will realize that, for the most part, this is a harmless little virus.

Good luck, I hope to see you in the chat room soon!

Here are the support groups in Canada:


- Calgary HELP -

P.O. Box 21092 665 8th Street SW

Calgary, AB T2P 4H5

Ph. (403) 228-7400 or (403) 678-3836 messages only CRI- Hs


- Vancouver HELP -

Vancouver, BC

(604) 515-5500

Web: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/vancouverhelp/

e-mail: vancouverhelp-owner@yahoogroups.com

- Victoria Herpes Support Group -

P.O. Box 962 Victoria,

BC V8W 2R9

Ph: (604) 975-1411


- Winnipeg HELP -

1-705 Broadway Ave. Winnipeg,

Manitoba R3C 0X2

Ph: (204)-940-2200


- Halifax HELP -

c\o Room 5014 ACC Victoria General Hospital Halifax,

Nova Scotia B3H 2Y9

Ph: (902) 428-2272


- Hamilton HELP -

Hamilton, Ontario (905) 523-9671

- Ottawa HELP -

284 McEachern Crescent Orleans, Ontario K1E 3KC

- Toronto HELP -

The Phoenix Association

4936 Yonge Street, Suite 134

Toronto, Ontario

M2N 6S3

Ph. (416) 449-0876.

Web: http://www.torontoherpes.com/

e-mail: phoenix_association@hotmail.com or info@torontoherpes.com


- Montreal HELP -

St. Laurent, QC

Ph: (514) 855-8995

e-mail: ruban-en-route@qc.aira.com

Web: http://www.rubanenroute.org/herpes.php

- Quebec City Herpes Support Group -

Sainte-Foy, QC

Tel: (418) 659-6189


- Regina HELP -

P.O. Box 4642 Regina,

Saskatchewan S4P 3Y3

Ph: (306) 779-9005

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Well whoever has told you you were not the take home kind of girl is probably not the take home kind of guy. They would just be interested in the sexual part of you. I am sure there is much more to you than the way you dress or look.

Do read up on the links on the right. You will be very surprised how common both types of H are. Anytime you go to a public event there are probably 5000-10000 people around you that have HSV2. You will find a large support group here. I have met, electronically speaking, probably over one hundred people here. With some people that you might really connect with you can use the messaging system here or elsewhere to talk about things that you might not necessarily want to be public.

Try to drop the ashamed, dirty, cowardly, and devastated adjectives from your thoughts. None of those are true. Victim is an ok word as H has attacked you, but victim who is fighting back would be much better.

Hang around.

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  • The Hive is Thriving!

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  • Posts

    • TCBH
      You don't put it down there. you put it on your arm. 
    • luvurself16
      I got hsv from a police officer. Sickos out there.
    • Toro
      I am 44 and I have active herpes in both of my eyes.Only Amenalief helps.
    • Jayne
      I know this thread is a couple of years old, but it’s been helpful to me, and I wanted to contribute as well. Back to Berliner’s original post, I’ve tested negative on several IGGs, with the latest ones being 1 yr and now almost 2 years past exposure.  Figuring out what was going on was the worst nightmare I’ve ever been through in my life. I made the mistake of drinking heavily a week after my father died of cancer, and I had unprotected AS with an ex, who happened to be poly and had some occasional unprotected M2M encounters.   Three days later I had a red line rash along my (sorry to get explicit) crack. This was followed by a rectal burning. Tested negative for G&C and related tests.  Over the next couple of weeks I had severe swelling and discomfort in my lower right quadrant and was told to go to the ER, where (I guess as a standard practice) they did a cat scan, which revealed nothing.  Also not a bacterial infection.  However the repeated manual examinations that occurred at urgent care and the ER seemed to relieve the abdominal pressure over the next few days.  I then had diarrhea for the next several weeks after.  I developed what felt like internal hemorrhoids, which were exacerbated by the diarrhea, and a gastro doctor confirmed via digital exam that there was indeed some sort of mass that felt like possible hemorrhoids. He ordered a sigmoidoscopy, but by the time it was undertaken, whatever was there was gone. After the procedure though, I felt much better for a while, possibly due to digestive issues clearing up after the colon “cleanse.” But this was concurrent with other issues.   About 3 weeks after the encounter I developed a large rash on my left thigh. Shortly thereafter I started having light sensitivity issues, culminating in a fever-like state after being outside in the sun only for 15 minutes after work. At work around that time for a couple days I felt like I was going through life encased in a gauzy gel- similar to being on laughing gas at the dentist, but not in a good way. I didn’t know what the hell was happening to me. I developed a severe case of canker sores for about a day. Later during a sunny drive, after getting back in the car at a gas station I noticed a red blotch below my lip. I tried to shrug it off but it happened again on the trip back.  So by about a month after the encounter I was having more anxiety. I spent the night at a friend’s house and woke up with a massive, swollen red eye and swollen lips. I got eye drops for bacterial conjunctivitis but that was wishful thinking.  A couple of weeks later, my lips were covered in sores. I smothered them with abreva. By the next day, they had mostly gone away. I tried to do a swab test at urgent care (I believe it was the next day), but there was not enough there to make any sort of positive diagnosis. Since then, I’ve had what you could call repeated aborted lesions and red blotches that appear around my mouth, particularly after stress and alcohol consumption. But even having peanut butter or chocolate would set it off for a long time. Fair skin doesn’t help- there was no hiding it. Two months after the encounter, I had my first vaginal burning- it was pretty intense and I had to use ice cubes because I didn’t know what else to do.   The worse feeling though was the periodic flare-ups of rectal itching/burning, often accompanied by another red line rash. It made sitting uncomfortable for about the next two months. I couldn’t wear pants at work- only skirts seemed to make things somewhat less irritated. And for the first three months, I was still testing for HIV along with HSV because of the overlapping symptoms (rash, diarrhea, neural pain, severe flu like symptoms without fever). I lost a lot of weight and had panic attacks. On top of all this I had just moved to a new city and started a new job and didn’t have a support network. And the sad thing is, I had to deal with all of this instead of being able to grieve for my father and being a better source of support to my mother. She had to support me without understanding what was happening.   Another bad thing through all of this was having both my ex and my current partner treat me like I’m crazy. That makes me feel alone and in the dark. Another “hysterical woman.” F*** that.  And while I felt grateful that my current was at the time still ready to be with me even if I had hsv, it’s a little discomfiting that he still doesn’t really believe me. But I’ve learned to live with ambiguity. And now I’m used to doctors as well as partners acting like this is nonexistent. Especially with negative IGG tests even 2 years later, which have left me without any answers.  I’m lucky in a way to be able to blend in because I don’t get obvious sores, genitally or orally (I can cover up the blotches with concealer, and they fortunately have lessened in frequency). But I still get the rectal itching/burning every six months or so (anthistamines seem to alleviate it a bit). And as more of a concern, I’ve had a cramp in my lower right quadrant ever since, which feels like it’s in my digestive tract. Since this has pretty much spread everywhere else in my body, intestinal involvement wouldn’t surprise me, and it isn’t unheard of anyways. I’ve tried to move past this and have since gotten married to my partner, who is a source of support (even if he doesn’t believe I’m having health problems. I know that’s a contradiction but occasionally I want to believe that too.).  I’m also newly pregnant, and symptoms have started to flare up again somewhat. I’m sure this will be an adventure. Hopefully more good than crazy. I know I’m going to struggle with the fear of passing this along but I’m trying to reconcile what doctors say (which is that it is extremely rare) with my own intuition about what I need to be careful of. Maybe I’ll repost with an update down the road. In short, there are people out there who test negative and have to live with loved ones and doctors thinking that a negative test closes the book on this. Again, learning to live with ambiguity is a real life lesson that I’m still coming to grips with. This forum and specifically this post have been a source of comfort that I haven’t been able to find elsewhere. Thanks everyone for the support for the community.     
    • Rockster
      You deepthroat so good that you get all kinds of mouth-to-skin-of-base contact? Kudos to you, but that is extremely rare. 

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