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frightened and shocked

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i don't even really know what to say here. i just got back from emerg where they took one look at me and told me i officially have genital herpes. i believe that i would be in a state of shock, except they gave me a handful of anti anxiety pills to dull the edge of the news. not too smart considering what i want to do now is down them all and be in a numb stupor for the rest of my life. ive done quite a bit of research already and everything tells me that this is not the end of the world and i do tend to agree.. the world will go on.. but my life? perhaps not so much. i am 23 years old and i have always had a healthy sex life both in terms of amount and in terms of sexual practices. i'm fairly educated on the subject and so took precautions to prevent this happening to me (apart from absinence, obviously). well regardless of all of my thought and education, this has happened to me and this has been, without comparison, the worst day of my life. i am absolutely devestated. i feel like my life is falling apart. i have never had a relationship in my life, not through any choice of my own, but mostly because i have been told i am not the take home to mother kind of girl. well who will want to introduce me to their mother now? not only that, but i have had several sexual relationships in my past and while they are not conventional by any means, they have meant a lot to me and those people are important in my life, despite that they may live in other cities or countries. i feel like all of those relationships are now dead. i feel like i have lost my favourite part of myself. the part that is confident and sexual and brave. i now feel ashamed, and dirty, and cowardly. i have no idea how i am going to break this news to my current partner. i am fairly certain that he is the one who has given it to me because i have not slept with anyone else since the last time i was tested. i don't think that he knows that he has it since we had the sti conversation before we started sleeping together. that is one of my biggest worries, but only slightly less are the other people in my life and when or if i should tell them and if i am brave enough to go this alone. i feel very alone. i live by myself have no committed partner, parents who live far away, and not many friends, though i am sure the ones i have would be supportive i dont know if i can bring myself to tell them. i am so very very very sad. i hope someone responds to this quickly, as i have been up all night thinking very lonely frightening thoughts and i need to feel the community reaching out to me or i don't know what i will do.

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You are not alone

And it will get better. Millions of people have herpes. In fact some estimate up to 80 percent of the population has it.

You need to be around others who have this. Come to the "Live Chat" room. There you will meet other normal people like yourself who have this 'gift'.

You don't state where in Canada you live, but there are several support groups that are hopefully close to you. Most groups have regular support meetings. The one here in Atlanta really helped me out. Seeing other people like me with this made me realize this was not so bad.

Read as much as you can about this virus. The more you know the more you will realize that, for the most part, this is a harmless little virus.

Good luck, I hope to see you in the chat room soon!

Here are the support groups in Canada:


- Calgary HELP -

P.O. Box 21092 665 8th Street SW

Calgary, AB T2P 4H5

Ph. (403) 228-7400 or (403) 678-3836 messages only CRI- Hs


- Vancouver HELP -

Vancouver, BC

(604) 515-5500

Web: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/vancouverhelp/

e-mail: vancouverhelp-owner@yahoogroups.com

- Victoria Herpes Support Group -

P.O. Box 962 Victoria,

BC V8W 2R9

Ph: (604) 975-1411


- Winnipeg HELP -

1-705 Broadway Ave. Winnipeg,

Manitoba R3C 0X2

Ph: (204)-940-2200


- Halifax HELP -

c\o Room 5014 ACC Victoria General Hospital Halifax,

Nova Scotia B3H 2Y9

Ph: (902) 428-2272


- Hamilton HELP -

Hamilton, Ontario (905) 523-9671

- Ottawa HELP -

284 McEachern Crescent Orleans, Ontario K1E 3KC

- Toronto HELP -

The Phoenix Association

4936 Yonge Street, Suite 134

Toronto, Ontario

M2N 6S3

Ph. (416) 449-0876.

Web: http://www.torontoherpes.com/

e-mail: phoenix_association@hotmail.com or info@torontoherpes.com


- Montreal HELP -

St. Laurent, QC

Ph: (514) 855-8995

e-mail: ruban-en-route@qc.aira.com

Web: http://www.rubanenroute.org/herpes.php

- Quebec City Herpes Support Group -

Sainte-Foy, QC

Tel: (418) 659-6189


- Regina HELP -

P.O. Box 4642 Regina,

Saskatchewan S4P 3Y3

Ph: (306) 779-9005

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Well whoever has told you you were not the take home kind of girl is probably not the take home kind of guy. They would just be interested in the sexual part of you. I am sure there is much more to you than the way you dress or look.

Do read up on the links on the right. You will be very surprised how common both types of H are. Anytime you go to a public event there are probably 5000-10000 people around you that have HSV2. You will find a large support group here. I have met, electronically speaking, probably over one hundred people here. With some people that you might really connect with you can use the messaging system here or elsewhere to talk about things that you might not necessarily want to be public.

Try to drop the ashamed, dirty, cowardly, and devastated adjectives from your thoughts. None of those are true. Victim is an ok word as H has attacked you, but victim who is fighting back would be much better.

Hang around.

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

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    • WilsoInAus
      But you were probably also exposed to HSV-1,2,3,4,5,6ab,7,8. There are also about 80 other human viruses and you would have been exposed to a dozen of those. There are tens of different bacteria that also transmit during sexual activity. There are also hundreds of possible  causes generated with your body.  
    • RainyDay2
      The sad part is I was exposed to HSV 2 so judging by what information Im told, If I had herpes mine would almost definitely show up on an IGG test by now.  Supposedly I’d have less than an 8% chance of it not showing up on a blood test. All I can do is go off the information Im given.   My thing is this: I need to know what is causing this.  If the medical world wants to tell me that I dont have herpes, fine.  What is it that I have then? And how do I get rid of it? Otherwise, being negative for herpes means nothing to me.  Because Im still positive for something, and they cant even figure out what the hell it is! Because my body definitely changed after I was exposed to it.  
    • WilsoInAus
      That’s incorrect for recent infections where it nears 100%. Those people have a positive swab.
    • WilsoInAus
      Herpes is not some default magic rabbit that comes out of the hat and makes sense out of the irrational.
    • MikeIke
      @RainyDay2 i am about to pull out the big bht guns. Hey if i can get rid of the symptoms forever and never blow positive, ill take it. My other thought was hpv but i know i was exposed. The last clinician i saw definitely thought my lip things looked herpetic and sajd she's seen urethral herpes before too.    Igg can be forever negative in some, i have heard hsv1 has less accuracy with igg

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