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need advice on the talk

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so it is 420 in the morning and i am awake, obviously, and having no fun at all. its always in the middle of the night that i feel most alone. therefore i am using my time productively to post about all of the things i am anxious about. this one is first on my list. i just found out two days ago that i have herpes. ugh it makes me sick just to write that... anyway, soon i will have to have the talk with the person from whom i am pretty sure i contracted it. since i have nothing else to do and i find this sort of cathartic i'm going to give you the back story. him and i met about a month ago. we work together. when he first approached me and suggested we start a sexual relationship i thought it was a little fast, especially considering we work together, but i was open to it because he is fun and good looking and has a variety of interests. i have never really had a relationship and so i have rarely ever looked for something like that and he said he had just gotten out of a long term relationship and was only looking for someone to have fun with. sounded great to me. my ideal sort of sexual relationship.

i waited a little while, while i thought about it, but not very long and soon we were sleeping together a couple times a week and having a wild time. you know those awesome people who are just pure fun in bed. last time we had sex was a little under a week ago and i was feeling really tender and sore, so we were gentle. regardless after he left i was in quite a bit of pain. i got out my trusty hand mirror and had a look and i was bright red with some fissures. i thought they were just from having too much vigorous sex, but i was wrong and by the next day i had my first outbreak coupled with a fever that made me want to die...

so while i've been going through this emotional whirlwind i noticed that he had posted on the net that he is also sick and has been off work.

now we had the sti conversation before we started sleeping together and he said he was in a monogamous relationship and hadnt slept with someone new since he got out of it. however, my doctor told me that its likely i picked up my case in the past few weeks and as i was tested just recently and had not had sex with anyone else i am fairly sure it was from him.... but ugh! i am confused! is it possible that i could have had this in my system for a few months from someone else and that rough sex just triggered my first outbreak? also, if he is a carrier without knowing it... could his transmission to me cause him to have a first outbreak as well? would that explain his being sick? how do i find out more definitely whether he gave it to me or i gave it to him? how do i tell him in the first place? what should i do if he gets angry or violent? i have a real social anxiety about interacting with men in any real way. sexually was always easy because you can close off the part of your mind that needs real communication and just lose yourself in the moment, but i have never had to have a conversation this serious with a man and i am terrified. what if he thinks that i gave it to him and tells people at work? i don't want to lose my job over this.. and i dont want to lose him either. despite the fact our relationship was sexual, i still admire and respect him and want him to be my friend. i want to be able to go to cocktails and laugh and joke like before all of this happened. this is so heavy, i think i'm going to cry... or maybe i'll just have another t3 and numb myself a little more.

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

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    • Hairpees
      I agree your post was very well written. I think I was speaking from more of a GHSV1 perspective as it relates to the oral virus so many carry and spread.   I too, before being diagnosed, was small minded and ignorat about herpes. But I believe it had to do with the way I was brought up. Looking back now I want to say it was because of my experience in college. I went to ASU, we are absolutely known for partying and STI’s. I was heavily involved in Greek life, and bascially if one person found out you had herpes your life was changed  socially and romantically. You were the girl/ guy on campus with herpes. A bunch of little 18-22 year old shits who didn’t give a flying F if you said HSV1 or HSV2. It was herpes. That’s all they were known for. Surrounding schools found out and people from your hometown found out. Maybe my generation sucks but that’s extremely sickening to witness and go through.  I now work in marketing with a bunch of people my age and older. There is a guy who disclosed and was open about herpes to a lot of us in the office and again, he was just known as the herpes guy. And no, not by me but grown adults with real jobs and education. Most likely those adults statistically had some strain of it too. But again these are my experiences. I know they are wrong now but who knows when the rest of the world will catch up.
    • mrwright
      Hello I am new to Honeycomb, I live in Chicago IL. 54 years young & single, I look forward to making many new friends here.
    • Onehotmess
      Some more good news on crispr! Restoring cells to an uninfected state once a virus is destroyed. https://phys.org/news/2018-09-cells-uninfected-state-virus.amp Now if only they could remove this virus from each of us and fix the effective cells would be no longer a dream! 
    • WilsoInAus
      But don’t you have an oral HSV-1 infection? Condoms don’t protect against that?
    • Herpeguy562
      Give it a try and report back to us. It's pretty safe vaccine approved by the FDA.

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