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caution***venting and depressed

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So I just arrived home to my mom's house from my apartment because I am SEVERELY depressed at the moment and was sitting in my room TRYING not to cry and NOT wanting to do anything bad.

I'm upset over stupid boy!!!! And I shouldn't be. But I wrote this cuz this is how I feel right now...

Loosen your grip on me

its pulling me down deep

I can’t breathe because its so tight

The light I can see

So im asking you to set me free and

Loosen your grip on me

How did you do this?

You’ve bewitched me

Never have a let it get this deep

How did it come to this?

I didn’t mean to let you in

But know you’ve crawled inside my veins

And have consumed me within

The chains are getting tighter

My skin is chaffing

I feel the blood seeping from me

My life flashes before my eyes

And all I see is you controlling all of me

Some days I'm TOTALLY fine about him and some days I'm not..right now - i'm just SO confused as to why we HAVE NOT TALKED in over a week via phone - we've talked when he was at work but that's it - NOTHING!! The last time we were together - not this past Saturday as in 4 days ago but the LAST Saturday was GREAT!!! We both had fun, laughed, - it was great - then...NOTHING...nada word...NOTHING!!! I DON"T GET IT!!!!!!!


Im sad because tonight (since it is 2am) is my bday dinner with all my friends and there's already drama. I invited people on facebook and i KNEW if i didn't invite a certain someone (Girl 1) she'd be mad and there'd be drama. I knew if i didn't invite her but invited this other girl (Girl 2) - there'd be drama. I knew if I didn't invite EITHER of them - there'd be drama. So Me TRYING to solve all that invited them both. Girl 1 is being stupid and not a nice friend as usual and Girl 2 is fine with Girl 1 being there because Girl 1 decided to NOT be friends with Girl 2 herself.

But, Girl 1 is mad at me because I wouldn't loan her my textbook for our class yesterday because we were supposed to have an online quiz due today, which it wasn't and isn't now until monday. Girl 1 was also mad at me yesterday because she wanted to come get a DVD of hers that I had and I told her i was sick - which I was - i had a temp of 99 (which isn't very high) but i felt REALLY sick to my stomach and told her she could get it LATER in the day after I had slept some, plus I said I didn't want to get her sick.

So she decided to call my roommate and see when she'd be home to get the movie from her. So my roommate came home and knew I didn't want to see her to give her the movie and was on my side. Girl 1 told her that she didn't think I was really sick and that it was "rude" of me to NOT give her my text book - P.S. That is WHY teachers assign TEXTBOOKS at the beginning of class - so you GET THEM so you can USE THEM!!! --- Girl 1 also told my roommate that other people in the class told her the same thing when she asked to use theirs - so my roommate was like, 'what's the big deal then?" but the deal is because it's ME - she has to pick a fight because its me. GIrl 1 also said she was mad because I invited Girl 2 to the party when I was friends with Girl 1 first - my roommate said it's not a big deal - I'm friends with both and Girl 2 is adult and deals with Girl 1 but Girl 1 is IMMATURE and CAUSES A SCENE WHENEVER GIRL 2 is around because she "hates her so much." (By scene I mean - yelling at everyone for her being there because apparently GIRL 2 is OUT TO GET AND RUIN THE LIFE OF GIRL 1 - umm..can I just say NOT TRUE!! Girl 1 decided to NOT be Girl 2's friend over STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID SHIT!!! But still - GROW UP AND BE CIVIL - there's always going to be people in your life that you don't like and they're gonna be around...DEAL WITH IT!! BE AN ADULT!!!)

So tonight we had a dinner for my other friend who's bday was tonight. It was awkward. 1 - cuz I was MAD at Girl 1 for not thinking I was really sick - I told her I didn't want to get her sick - which I didn't! EVERYONE IS SICK RIGHT NOW AND THE LESS THAT ARE THE BETTER - right? 2 - Because I'm afraid she's gonna cause a scene and I was TRYING to prevent this FUCKING DRAMA!!!


sorry HAD to vent

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Guest Seatortuga

I'd stay away from Girl 1. Sounds like an idiot.

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Go figure!!

So I KNEW that if i came home to my mom's he would call me...and what happen?!?!? It's almost 5 and he texted me!!! WTF!?!?! AFter a WWEEK PLUS!! and the ONE NIGHT I ACTUALLY DECIDE TO COME HOME!!!! OMG!!! FML!!!

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Quit worrying about other people

Focus on yourself. Who cares what girl1 thinks or does? You were right in not loaning her your text book, so take the high road and piss on her.

It also looks like this guy is playing you. Obviously he does not want any type of meaningful relationship with you. I know you have feelings for him but look at his actions. Do you think if he had feelings for you he would treat you like this?

Wake up IBM. You are a hottie and could probably have any guy you wanted. Focus on yourself, any guy would be lucky to have you. Quit letting other people affect your happiness.

You have a birthday coming up, use it to get reacquainted with yourself and what you really want.


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Girl 1 needs to realize what Girl 2 already knows. Hate is a wasted emotion. Half the people we hate don't even know we hate them, and the half doesn't care.

As far as the man in your life goes...if he doesn't call...f*** him. JB is right, he is probably playing you and doesn't deserve your love.

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Butterfly of the Moment

Hey, life will be better if you eliminate negative influences in your life. Friendship is something you choose for yourself and you involve yourself b/c they are fun to be with and you feel good about yourself. Get some new friends. I don't have any dramatic friends b/c those type of people can really cause unwanted stress and are irrational at the worst of times. Does the guy know how you feel about him for sure...sometimes you actually have to say it to him straight up. "I like you a lot and have had a lot of fun with you when we've hung out. I am interested in spending more time with you, but only if you feel the same way. Please let me know today if I am wasting my time or not." Text this to him or call him up. Being direct with people usually accomplishes more. Why wonder when you can know?

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Those were pearls of wisdom, Butterfly of the moment!!

I second what she said! ;)

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