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PartyGirlx

My life is a nightmare how could i be so stupid

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PartyGirlx

I have'nt been diagnosed with herpes but i have self diagnosed myself am 99% sure i have it i can't think of anythink else it would be. I was so stupid and selfish i chested on my bf who i have been with for nearly 10 years and we have a 18 month old son. It all started in july wer me and partner was arguing all the time and i went out with my best friend and her cousin who i have known for years, one thing led to another and we had several flings over a few weeks all protected apart from the last fling. I have always been paranoid about catching things so booked myself in for a chlamydia test which was negative so started having sex with my bf again after a few days he was extremely ichy on his penis and then a couple of days after that he had a bright red rash on his bikini line which looked scally. Alarm bells started ringing but i had no symptoms untill a few weeks after this i started to itch and looked red and swollon down there and noticed about 5 cuts down there one was above the clit it looked like an open sore bright red in the middle. I always thought herpes was crusty sores or blisters so thought it must be something else. But what ever it was iv never had cuts before and iv been having sex for 10 years. I have also had a disgusting disharge which lasted a few days it was horrible there was a foul smell and i felt so dirty it was so hard to wash off i literally had about 3 baths that day and it still wouldn't come off completely. My bf keeps geting disharge on the shaft like if you rubbed his penis there would be like bits of white stuff and he has been smelling really bad down there he doesn't get a bath as much as me so its really bad on him. Hes been saying to me hes geting checked out if it carrys on and if it comes back that he has something am gonna be single. Am so scared i feel like my life is over and what for. Am so angry i talked to this guy about it and he said he hasn't been itchy so it must of come from my fella and he found the whole thing funny. Am going the gum clinic on sat and gonna get tested for everything apart from herpes am gonna rule everything outand if am negative then its got to be herpes and if it is i don't want to know cause then my life is truely over.

I have also had a lump under both arms i don't know if this is a symptom ?

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1lovelylady

I wouldn't say that your life is over because if it is herpes then I know it would be hard to accept but at least its not aids and just try to live your life accordingly. I know your bf say he may leave but if he leaves then maybe he is not the man for you anyway. I could be wrong on that part but just pray on it. I don't think he's going anywhere though.

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JBnATL

Your life will not be over

Millions of people live everyday with herpes. And there are much worse diseases out there you can get.

You should get tested for it and not rely on total strangers on a website to diagnose you. And read as much about this virus as you can. The more you know, the more you will realize, for the most part, herpes is a common, harmless virus.

Good luck!

JB

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PartyGirlx

What i meant by saying my life would be over is i would loose my bf of 10 years and i couldm't imagine life without him. If it turns out its herpes he will no i have cheated again and finish with me on the shot. It would destroy are family. If all my tests come back negative am gonna carry on as normal and not let this stress me out. Thanx for your replys.

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Misty67

Oh WOW, your story sounds very familiar to me! I got my gift back in July..my husband is being very supportive. I am not sure if I have passed it onto him, he is not concerned about "H"

I do not get blisters or sores either (knock on wood) the doctor said I had a very small "tear" also I had redness, slight burning and a very lovely dis-charge. Everyone is different, I don't think there is a "normal"

I would advise you do you to the doctor, you need to know what strain you have. Also, getting on anti-virals will help.

Remember you BF is going through a difficult time! I am living the same nightmare you are right now. "H" is NOT our problem, the infidelity is the problem.

Good luck!!! message me anytime, if you need to talk!:D

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gotitsowhat

Your love life problems are greater than herpes

Please do see a doctor soon and get a swab test and a blood test; you may need another blood test in 3 months. It is always better to know for sure than to suspect and worry. Don't put yourself through any more negative speculations; get the facts.

As I see it, you have two problems here and neither of them is about herpes. One of them is that you have cheated on your boyfriend, this guy you say you could not imagine living without. And it's happened again. I am not judging you here or condeming your behavior. I am just pointing out that when you cheated (or got so drunk you did not know what you were doing, if that is what happened, or temporarily fell out of love with him or whatever motivated you), apparently you had, somewhere in your mind, decided you COULD live without him. That person, that part of you that cheated, was willing to take a risk at losing this relationship. So...you CAN live without him--you've proved it. You may be a stronger person than you think. You did, after all, live for a long time without him before you met him. Life without him is not something you have never done before. You may hope things will work out with him but you CAN live without him.

Second problem: He is willing to dump a woman with whom he has been in an intimate relationship, the mother of his child, because he caught herpes from her. Doesn't sound right. After all, if you both have it, then why dump you since he, then, could not get it? Obviously, it's not the herpes that's the problem but the cheating that it represents. So get over the idea that he would dump you over the herpes; it's not herpes, it's the relationship problems and your past behavior. He's just using the herpes possibility as a focal point for his unhappiness over your extracurricular sex.

You know, I don't know you but I have a feeling you might actually be better off without him. Your cheating shows that, at some level, you feel unready or unwilling to be with him forever. Or maybe you are young and need some more playtime in your life. And whatever has happened between you, it is clear he is not in a very forgiving mood about it if he could state that if you gave him herpes, he's leaving.

If he can't let the past go and accept you, and even accept the idea that he now has a minor medical condition that will probably never give him much trouble, then maybe it is time to move on. If he lives close to you, he can see his child often and you can both move on and, if possible, remain friends or become friends eventually. I am just suggesting that possibility. If you still want him in your life, I hope things work out and that you get what you want.

Good luck and let us know how the tests turn out.

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PartyGirlx

BRAINYBLONE i must admit i liked your post and in a way your are spot on. I agree we have major relationship problems. I got with this guy when i was 16 am now 26 and i have always relied on him we moved in together within a year of dating so i guess i would find it hard him not being there. Most of my friends wants me to get rid of him but i do love him even tho i know the relationship could end in a nasty way in the future. He has been violent to me in the past he would never punch me in the face am talking about pushes and pulling my hair and spitting in my face that kind of thing. And he emotionally blackmails me when ever we have an argument he will kick me out the house and say am an unfit mother and take my son away from me. Am not saying its all his fault why i cheated but i believe if he payed me the attention i crave i would be a better partner. I have cheated on him twice the first one i told him about and we went to hell and back, when i done it again for the second time in july i dissappeared for 24 hours so hes probably got an idea what iv been upto but am keeping it shut this time. Anyway iv decided am geting the full check this saturday, my best friend is going to take me for support and il let you guys no how i get on . Thanks for your support.

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  • The Hive is Thriving!

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    • Jayne
      I know this thread is a couple of years old, but it’s been helpful to me, and I wanted to contribute as well. Back to Berliner’s original post, I’ve tested negative on several IGGs, with the latest ones being 1 yr and now almost 2 years past exposure.  Figuring out what was going on was the worst nightmare I’ve ever been through in my life. I made the mistake of drinking heavily a week after my father died of cancer, and I had unprotected AS with an ex, who happened to be poly and had some occasional unprotected M2M encounters.   Three days later I had a red line rash along my (sorry to get explicit) crack. This was followed by a rectal burning. Tested negative for G&C and related tests.  Over the next couple of weeks I had severe swelling and discomfort in my lower right quadrant and was told to go to the ER, where (I guess as a standard practice) they did a cat scan, which revealed nothing.  Also not a bacterial infection.  However the repeated manual examinations that occurred at urgent care and the ER seemed to relieve the abdominal pressure over the next few days.  I then had diarrhea for the next several weeks after.  I developed what felt like internal hemorrhoids, which were exacerbated by the diarrhea, and a gastro doctor confirmed via digital exam that there was indeed some sort of mass that felt like possible hemorrhoids. He ordered a sigmoidoscopy, but by the time it was undertaken, whatever was there was gone. After the procedure though, I felt much better for a while, possibly due to digestive issues clearing up after the colon “cleanse.” But this was concurrent with other issues.   About 3 weeks after the encounter I developed a large rash on my left thigh. Shortly thereafter I started having light sensitivity issues, culminating in a fever-like state after being outside in the sun only for 15 minutes after work. At work around that time for a couple days I felt like I was going through life encased in a gauzy gel- similar to being on laughing gas at the dentist, but not in a good way. I didn’t know what the hell was happening to me. I developed a severe case of canker sores for about a day. Later during a sunny drive, after getting back in the car at a gas station I noticed a red blotch below my lip. I tried to shrug it off but it happened again on the trip back.  So by about a month after the encounter I was having more anxiety. I spent the night at a friend’s house and woke up with a massive, swollen red eye and swollen lips. I got eye drops for bacterial conjunctivitis but that was wishful thinking.  A couple of weeks later, my lips were covered in sores. I smothered them with abreva. By the next day, they had mostly gone away. I tried to do a swab test at urgent care (I believe it was the next day), but there was not enough there to make any sort of positive diagnosis. Since then, I’ve had what you could call repeated aborted lesions and red blotches that appear around my mouth, particularly after stress and alcohol consumption. But even having peanut butter or chocolate would set it off for a long time. Fair skin doesn’t help- there was no hiding it. Two months after the encounter, I had my first vaginal burning- it was pretty intense and I had to use ice cubes because I didn’t know what else to do.   The worse feeling though was the periodic flare-ups of rectal itching/burning, often accompanied by another red line rash. It made sitting uncomfortable for about the next two months. I couldn’t wear pants at work- only skirts seemed to make things somewhat less irritated. And for the first three months, I was still testing for HIV along with HSV because of the overlapping symptoms (rash, diarrhea, neural pain, severe flu like symptoms without fever). I lost a lot of weight and had panic attacks. On top of all this I had just moved to a new city and started a new job and didn’t have a support network. And the sad thing is, I had to deal with all of this instead of being able to grieve for my father and being a better source of support to my mother. She had to support me without understanding what was happening.   Another bad thing through all of this was having both my ex and my current partner treat me like I’m crazy. That makes me feel alone and in the dark. Another “hysterical woman.” F*** that.  And while I felt grateful that my current was at the time still ready to be with me even if I had hsv, it’s a little discomfiting that he still doesn’t really believe me. But I’ve learned to live with ambiguity. And now I’m used to doctors as well as partners acting like this is nonexistent. Especially with negative IGG tests even 2 years later, which have left me without any answers.  I’m lucky in a way to be able to blend in because I don’t get obvious sores, genitally or orally (I can cover up the blotches with concealer, and they fortunately have lessened in frequency). But I still get the rectal itching/burning every six months or so (anthistamines seem to alleviate it a bit). And as more of a concern, I’ve had a cramp in my lower right quadrant ever since, which feels like it’s in my digestive tract. Since this has pretty much spread everywhere else in my body, intestinal involvement wouldn’t surprise me, and it isn’t unheard of anyways. I’ve tried to move past this and have since gotten married to my partner, who is a source of support (even if he doesn’t believe I’m having health problems. I know that’s a contradiction but occasionally I want to believe that too.).  I’m also newly pregnant, and symptoms have started to flare up again somewhat. I’m sure this will be an adventure. Hopefully more good than crazy. I know I’m going to struggle with the fear of passing this along but I’m trying to reconcile what doctors say (which is that it is extremely rare) with my own intuition about what I need to be careful of. Maybe I’ll repost with an update down the road. In short, there are people out there who test negative and have to live with loved ones and doctors thinking that a negative test closes the book on this. Again, learning to live with ambiguity is a real life lesson that I’m still coming to grips with. This forum and specifically this post have been a source of comfort that I haven’t been able to find elsewhere. Thanks everyone for the support for the community.     
    • Rockster
      You deepthroat so good that you get all kinds of mouth-to-skin-of-base contact? Kudos to you, but that is extremely rare. 
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