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tryingtobepositive

Diagnosed Monday, can't stop crying

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tryingtobepositive

I am holding my diagnosis secret from everyone I know except two close girl friends. I knew before going to the doctor what it was, but I tried to convince myself otherwise. It didn't matter.

My story goes that I slept with my best friend of 3 years two weeks ago. I thought that this was finally us admitting to ourselves our attraction and "more-than-friends" feelings for one another, but instead it has turned into a personal nightmare. I have always been the good girl, never slept around, and always passed judgement on those who did. When I finally let myself be vulnerable enough to spend the night with my best friend who I know and trust, I was cursed with this. I have never felt so stupid or betrayed and can't talk to anyone about it. I am so embarrassed and the whole episode is so out of character for me, I can't help but feel cursed.

On top of my own personal physical and emotional pain, my parents were visiting from across the country when I was going through this agony. I had to lie and tell them I had an allergic reaction to yeast infection medication.

I hate to seem like the crying little girl, but this is very new to me and i'm not sure which way is up right now. Any positive words or encouragement are much appreciated right now. Do I speak with my best friend who gave it to me about it? How do I speak with him about it? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn't know before.

thank you for listening.

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new2hsv2

talk to him

Sure, you should talk to him. It is very possible that he doesn't know. Take a day or two and learn as much as you can about this. It's NOT the end of the world, it's a nuisance, but nothing more. I know you don't believe that right now, I didn't last Sept when I was diagnosed either...

Anyway, you need to sit down with him (or however is most comfortable for you) and just tell him that he needs to be tested. Explain that you are not accusing him of anything, but one of you had this before you were together. Tell him that you had never had any symptoms or reason to believe you had been exposed, but you now know that you have it, so IF he didn't have it before, he could possibly have it now.

Best of Luck!!!

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Misty67

Hey there!! and welcome

So sorry about your diagnoses!! it is a scary and confusing time! what you are feeling is completely normal! we have all felt that way. My world stopped moving! and I couldn't breath! I will tell you that is DOES get better! I have come full circle and hardly ever think about "H" and you will too. Are you taking anti-virals? Taking care of yourself is important! also, education is as well!

Yes, I would tell your friend. There is a very good chance he has NO idea. The man that gave me my gift had no idea. 80% of the people that have it, have no clue! that is how it is spread so rapidly.

Hang in there!! this is a great place to get information and support!!:)

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shiningstarabove

It will get better

Hi and welcome. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know how you feel... It is a shocking and confusing time. I was just recently diagnosed myself a few weeks ago. I had no idea I had this. Apparently it has been dormant for years. This is a great place for information and help from others who are going through the same thing. Read up and find out as much information as you can.

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Carribearie

Hey! Welcome to the group. Everyone is so nice and supportive here. Go ahead and have the talk. My boyfriend had no idea he had it and your best friend might be the same way. Guys are sometimes less judgemental than ladies, so just gather your facts and do it. I gave my bf a pamphlet and dvd from the Dr.'s office after our talk. I think it helped to have literature on hand to help explain how this could happen. Either way he needs to be tested. Good luck and I hope you feel better (physically & mentally) soon. It really isn't the end of the world and you'll see that soon.

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tryingtobepositive

thanks for the support

Thank you for your responses. its nice to know there are more "normal" people out there in the same situation. I think the scariest part of all of this is the stigma. After researching, I know the physical part, i'll be able to manage and deal with, and really just need to figure out how my body responds. I mentally actually feel better today (we'll see what tomorrow brings). I read somewhere (on one of the million sites I've been reading) that this is really just a skin condition, and that is the way i want to try to think about it. When it comes to future relationships and all that goes with it, I'll figure that out when I get there. But for now, i'm starting to feel physically and mentally better. Went to the store and picked up the vitamins I've read about and will finish off the valtrex my doc put me on. I need to try to accept this as my new normal and hopefully as everyone has said, as time goes on, it will be in the back of my mind and just something else in my life. For now, I need to figure out how to get my friend over here to talk without freaking him out before even getting to break the news. How often do you all have outbreaks? what should I be looking forward to? How did you bring up the convo with the person who gave you the gift? How do you bring up the convo prior to sleeping with someone (not that i'm planning on that for a while!)?

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pazdelmar

Talk to your friend

I was diagnosed 15 months ago with gh-2. The person who gave it to me apparently did not know he had it. I called him right after work ( I went to the Dr in my lunch time and got the news...imagine how I was when I went back to work:(). I told him I needed to see him and have a talk with him.

He was supprised I called him with such a hurry, he thought I was gonna say I was pregnant because we had had unprotected sex...And I told him "If I were pregnant, I'd be happy. I may possibly have herpes. I went to the Dr, he said 'it looks like a first H OB. Let's run a viral culture, and I call you with the results' ".

I told the guy that I did not blame him, for it takes two persons to decide whether to use condoms or not, and I agreed not to use them. Moreover, I had had unprotected sex with my ex-boyfriend, and even if I never had a symptom, I could never be sure. He took it well and told me that whatever happened, he wanted us to be supportive to each other. That was a very nice response, just what I needed to hear because I felt devastated when I found out about Herpes. I finally broke up with him, not because of H., but bucause he was not the right person for me.

So my advice is that you go and tell your friend what you've learned. There are many chances that he has no clue he has herpes. Many people have it without knowing it. And in the worst case scenario that he did know and didn't tell you, don't waste your time with him; wish him luck and get on with your life.

You are a great, smart, brillant, beatiful person who deserves the best of this life. Don't let a little thing like this tiny H virus get on your way. There is gonna be a lot of people willing to accept you as friend, girlfriend, wife and not even think of the Herpes. Believe me. I told my closest friends about it, and they haven't change a bit. My family knows, and they also tell me I shouldn't worry about it. Then you say, "yeah, but they will never have sex with you, that's why they don't care.." WRONG. I told my BF I had it, he almost fainted; he said he wanted to be friends only. A week after he came back and told me that I'm a great girl, that even when he doesn't want to get H., he misses me too much and he doesn't want to loose me.

So I understand you need time to get use to the idea, but you will see soon enough that you are the same amazing person you were before herpes, just with a skin condition that coincidentally, many people has it too.

I wish you the best, look up, and enjoy your life!!!:lol:

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Miranda

You sound a lot like me. I was diagnosed in august and my life shattered. I cried constantly for so long, only of course when I was alone as I have only told 2 very close girlfriends as well. I haven't told my family and i'm terrified of anyone knowing. But since joining this forum I've actually almost done a 180 on this whole issue. I've talked to people who have dealt with this for a long time and I have a lot more information now than I ever did before. Being young its hard to deal with this ecspecially with the social stigma attached to it but I've come to realize this isn't going to end my life.

Its really great that you found this forum cause, believe me, it might seem hard now but everyone here is really great and their advise has helped me a lot.

I don't think you should be hard on your friend cause as people have said, 80% of people infected have no idea they have it. Just cause H is involved doesn't mean you can't start the relationship you thought you would with him.

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IrishHeartRN

Wow story of my life. I was never the one to sleep around either. I met this guy and he seemed pretty cool at first and once we slept together it all went down hill. I kind of felt like i was stuck with him because he had given me HSV so he was the only one that was going to except it, I got over that though. I have only told my best friend and she is 110% supportive, she even was like " i'll get it too if it will make you not want to kill yourself, of course I said hell no. My family doesn't know and i wont be telling them ever because i do not think they will understand. I have lost a lot of friends over this too...only by personal choice because I have a different outlook on things now and I can not stand them being judgmental to others when they do not know the pain we all feel. As far as OB I am new to it too but i have learned a very bad experiance with being to stressed out, so try and stay as stress free as possible! Oh, and you should tell your friend because he needs to know before he speads it further. I do not know how to go about that all I can tell you is that either way to goes, weither you lose a friend or not, just know that you could be helping someone else from getting it from him.

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kittycat22

hmm I had this same problem!

Hi! I was diagnosed on Thursday. I'm still in complete shock. My first boyfriend of 2 years and broke up in September, and we had both had STD screenings and i've had my yearly pap. Turns out neither of us had been tested for H. So, unaware that I had this I recently slept with my best friend from kindergarden, unprotected. Just a month later I noticed a little sore and sure enough it's herpes. I'm not sure yet if it was from my new partner or my ex of 2 years. I've had 'paper cuts' before and had no idea that could be a sign of herpes, so maybe i've had this for two years already and just had my first OB i'm not sure.

So I was in the same boat as you, I had no idea what to say to my new partner because i'm not sure if it's from him or from my previous one. He took it really well. I asked him if he had ever had and STD screening before and he told me no.. and then he asked if I had and STD or if he has one. I told him I was diagnosed with H and i'm not sure if I got it from him or my previous boyfriend. He was shocked, he had never had unprotected sex before he had sex unprotected sex with me. He is getting a blood test ASAP to see if he has it, i'm hoping to god he doesn't and hoping my terrible ex was the one that gave me this instead. I haven't gone a day yet with out crying yet. I'm really anxious to see his blood results.

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RuzzL

Im 23, my life ended 6 days gao when i found out i have genital herpes.. how cold this happen to me!? i feel the same as you all.. i was kinda hanging out with this guy and we both had seperate spring vacation plans. Im pretty sure i got them while away and let a hot guy go down on me.. i cam back and got the blisters.. he just got back and is texting me to hang out i dont know what to do or say to him!? i feel so sad angry and confused. I can only hope things will work out...

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nascarhottie4number8
I am holding my diagnosis secret from everyone I know except two close girl friends. I knew before going to the doctor what it was, but I tried to convince myself otherwise. It didn't matter.

My story goes that I slept with my best friend of 3 years two weeks ago. I thought that this was finally us admitting to ourselves our attraction and "more-than-friends" feelings for one another, but instead it has turned into a personal nightmare. I have always been the good girl, never slept around, and always passed judgement on those who did. When I finally let myself be vulnerable enough to spend the night with my best friend who I know and trust, I was cursed with this. I have never felt so stupid or betrayed and can't talk to anyone about it. I am so embarrassed and the whole episode is so out of character for me, I can't help but feel cursed.

On top of my own personal physical and emotional pain, my parents were visiting from across the country when I was going through this agony. I had to lie and tell them I had an allergic reaction to yeast infection medication.

I hate to seem like the crying little girl, but this is very new to me and i'm not sure which way is up right now. Any positive words or encouragement are much appreciated right now. Do I speak with my best friend who gave it to me about it? How do I speak with him about it? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn't know before.

thank you for listening.

I totally know what your going through. I also was diagnosed on monday with HSV 2. I thought exactly as you did trying to convince myself otherwise until the doctor called me back on monday with my results. I was devastated and immediately told my boyfriend about it which at first was support and said we would work through it and then after I had him go and get tested and now he has it... he ended up breaking up with me and said he never wanted to hear from me again...I'm still struggling with it. He didnt even want to deal with it together as a couple:cry:

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sarbear123

i feel the same way, i mean i am 22, i found out monday as well, and i feel like my life is over, not to mention, i cant stop thinking about it, its like i am obsessed with information and facts, it is all i think about, i feel like it is taking over my life, i dont know how to get over that feeling, it helps talking on here, glad you joined. chat away! it helps ;)

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nascarhottie4number8
i feel the same way, i mean i am 22, i found out monday as well, and i feel like my life is over, not to mention, i cant stop thinking about it, its like i am obsessed with information and facts, it is all i think about, i feel like it is taking over my life, i dont know how to get over that feeling, it helps talking on here, glad you joined. chat away! it helps ;)

sarbear123 from what I have read about other people living with herpes. Its not the end of the world. Life doesnt stop here! you can move on and do what you normally do and still be happy just have to be careful if you choose to be intimate with anyone and be sure to be upfront with them about your condition. I hear having the so called TALK is hard with people. I'm just recently experiencing all this myself so I totally know what your going through. I'm here looking for friends and support with the condition and being here I feel tons better already speaking with you and others :D

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Cali21

I understand....

I was 21 or 22 when I contracted Herpes from my boyfriend. We had only had oral sex. A week later we had intercourse and it was ridiculously painful and I could not understand why. I excused myself and went in to the bathroom and there it was... a full blown violent outbreak in my genital area. Having a science background, I had a very good idea of what it was, I thought my life was over. I didn't say anyting to him right away. I just went to bed and saw my OB-GYN the next day. I too hid it from my family and friends. Coming from a very strict household, I wasn't even suppose to be having sex until I got married. I thought my life was over.

I finally did speak with my boyfriend. I asked him if he had ever had any cold sores. He told me that he was just getting over one. Well, there it was. He must have given it to me the week before since we had protected sex the following week. He and I stayed together for about a year after that, but unfortuantely we were not compatible in many other ways. I'm 41 now and don't remember if I was angry with him at the time, but I know that I eventually got passed it. As for how I moved on, well, I'm not gonna tell you it was easy, but boy if I had these support groups back then I think I would have had a easier time of it. Please use them.

I have had a relatively normal sex life since I was diagnosed 20+ years ago, but because I have chosen to be honest, it's never easy to have that first conversation. No matter what though, I encourage you to ALWAYS be honest with your intended partner. It's only fair. I'd rather have my feelings hurt than go through life knowing that I caused someone else the same pain and confusion that I had to deal with.

Now I'm married for 5 years, but I have been with my husband since 1996. He never flinched when I told him about the GH. We have used protection (eventhough he didn't want to) and he has NEVER contracted it. I chose to take suppression therapy because I feell like I am adding another layer of protection. I took it when it wasn't the in thing to do and at the time my doctor told me that if I did it I may never see another outbreak again. Let me tell you something, she wasn't that far off. I am fortunate that I have only seen a one, maybe two lesions, less than 10 time in over 20 years. When I did, it was becasue my body was under an emormous amount of stress.

The reason I joined this site now is because I am going through some major marrital issues and there is a strong likelihood we won't survive. I have become that 21-22 year old girl again who fears having to tell another prospective partner, but no matter what I will. I ask you to do the same. In time you will no thtink about it every minute of the day. It is your new "normal" and that's ok. I have chosen to look at it as merely an obstacle, but nothing you can't get over.

Above all else, do not lose faith and trust in people.

Happy to chat any time or private message.

Cali

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bright2010

Hi Cali,

I hope that many forum members are influenced by your positive attitude; you are wise. I'm sorry that you are going through a difficult time in your marriage, and hope that things will work out for the best and that the outbreaks will stay far away. If you need to vent, you have my ear.

Cheers,

Bright

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