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Confusedgrl84

My Confusion

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Confusedgrl84

hey everyone... this is my first time on this site and my first time coming completly out about this...

When i was 18 (im 25 now) my mother passed away and me looking for affection began dating this guy...

We had a good relationship at first..we dated for about a year and a half before I found out he cheated on me... at the time i found out he cheated on me i was 4wks pregnant.. i ended up gettin an abortion and when i went back 2 wks later for a check up, they saw a small bump down there and had me tested and came back positive for genital herpes...

Being 18 and newly on my own I thought it was the end of me.. it was horrible i was so depressed thinking i will never have another relationship, i will never have kids and etc...

I started doing a lot of research on the virus and found out a lot of things that made me feel alot better about having it...

The problem that im still having is telling a potential partner about it without feeling dirty and nastty (even though i know that im not)

At first i wouldnt date anyone at all... then i met this guy and ended up telling him.. things were ok but he did end up growing away from me...

Then I met a friend that had herpes..the first person i met that had it.. shes a little crazy in the first place but i decide to talk to her about it..she said ( i know its wrong now) if your not getting into a relationship then u jus gotta be careful and be protected but you dont have to tell them...

I know now that this is wrong on so many levels..

The next guy i met and was seeing.. i ended up telling him about it and he flipped out and never talked to me again...that put a damper on my whole "trying to be honest" thing and i was so upset for a while...

Then I met another guy that i was jus friends with because he had a girlfriend at the time which he was not happy with.. So im not worried about telling him because i figured hes with somone and hes not gonna leave her...

One night unexpectedly we were drinking and before i could even stop it we ended up having sex.. I was upset and feeling bad but we used protection and again i figured that he was gonna stay with his girl so i dont have to worry about it...

the next week, he left his girlfriend and wanted to be with me.. i had a lot of feelings for him and continued chilling with him and i was distrought because I normally woulda waited and told him first but now it was too late cuz i already slept with him!

I was so scared and more and more falling for him and him falling for me... we ended up staying together for almost 2 yrs! we were always protected and i was always careful.. see by this time i have had herpes for years already and i knew all this info and my outbreaks occur maybe 2 or 3 times a year and when it happens its only one little sore that last for like 3 days and thats it so i know he doesnt have anything..

He ended up having to move to a different state for other issues and i was heartbroken but again i thought it was over ... but for the past year and a half we still talk almost everyday and are more in love than ever.. he wants me to have his kids be his wife etc.. this guy is the true love of my life...

I screwed up so bad and i have felt this extreme guilt for such a long time which makes me not compltetly myself.. i feel like a worthless human being but i was jus soo scared and still am.. I feel like I have to tell him cuz i cant live with the guilt anymore.. iknow what i did was so wrong and he has every right to be higly upset and leave me alone forever but i just need a little advise on how to tell him and if i should or not or if anyone has been in a similar situation.. PLZZZZ Help me

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Guest Seatortuga

High time for disclosure, honey.

You know about herpes, and you know you could have passed it along even with out an OB AND using condoms.

Also, he could already have herpes, or something else for that matter.

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Confusedgrl84

That I already know and believe me ive put myself through hell for it.. is there anyone that can help me with advise instead of just telling me he could still have it? (this I already know)

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joiedevivre100

Advice

Just tell him you went to your annual appointment and got a full STD screen and it came back positive for HSV2. Tell him that the Dr. said it could lie dormant for years. Blah Blah Blah

Just tell him even if you have to lie to ease the pain for yourself.

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hhasthehblues

Agreed

You don't have to tell him you've known all along. Just tell him you just found out you have it. If he's that crazy about you he'll be thankful for your honesty and I'm sure will accept you.

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chooseyourbattles

Yeah, at this point I would have to recommend telling him you just found out you have it.

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Wishing Well

The down side is convincing him its safe as he probably wont realise hes been at risk for two years and not caught it.

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darkangel2100

Best of luck. I agree with telling him you just found out. At least you are telling him about the herpes, that's the important part. I'm glad it's working out for you with him even though it didn't begin in the right place, that doesn't mean it isn't right.

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Confusedgrl84

thanks so much guys... thats somthing i was thinking about doing but wasnt sure.. i know he loves me and now i us gotta figure out the right way to tell him..its kinda hard cuz he lives soo far away and this is somthing i dont wanna tell him on the phone cuz thats so impersonable and i dont wanna tell him when we finally get to see each other (its been like 7 mnth) cuz itll ruin it..im thinking by the phone would prolly be better but on the phne he has the ability to hang up he has the ability to not pick up anmore either so .. any advise??

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newtothis2009

I hope that my reply is welcomed. I am writing a response from the other side of the fence. My partner is infected, and currently, I am not...My suggestion would be to be completely honest. Tell him about your previously bad experiences with the talk, and why you were hesistant to tell him...and also go back to the night that ya'll were together, and how thing progressed not according to your plan, and that things "just happened." From the other side, if you tell him that you went for your annual screening, and it came back positive...it would raise concerns in my head, as to when you actually contracted the disease. It would make me wonder if you were faithful, which, from your story, you love him, and have been faithful. Herpes is easier to deal with rather than the thought of not being faithful, especially because your relationship is a long distance one.

Just my thoughts, by no means, am I trying to pass judgement, I just know how my mind works, and these would be questions that would arise in my mind, if you were not to be honest, and tell him that you have had it all along.

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