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So I told a guy

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It's a long distance thing that's been going on for a little over a month.

He's been hinting that he'd like to come for a visit after Christmas if things

continue going well between us.

I tried to brush him off, telling him that I didn't like the idea of long

distance dating.... bad timing... anything to get him off the topic.

Eventually he was like "Okay, what's the deal. I'm a real grown man. I can handle it."

So after alot of coaxing, I told him. And I explained that I would hate for

him to get on a plane just to find out something that could be a

dealbreaker. But he was very supportive saying things like "life happens"

and "look on the bright side" and "don't be so hard on yourself."

Yet I get the distinct feeling he's no longer pursuing a relationship with me.

He says he appreciates me being 100% with him. But nothing about still

being interested in me in that way anymore. So as usual I find myself on

the familiar confines of the friend zone.

Can't say that I blame him. But I knew that this would happen. I'm just

glad he handled it well.

But yeah, Fuck herpes. :|

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Patience. Hard word. You can have patience and be patient. Or, you can not be patient and be stressed. I have to work at this every day too.

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Give him time

He is probably trying to adjust to the news and hopefully is reading up on this virus. The more he knows about it the better for you. This is, for the most part, a common, harmless virus.

And if he does not come around, then he is not the right person for you.

Good luck!


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I tell you what, long distance or not, he was not your best match. The guy you wanna share your feelings with is someone who can only handle the news but is accepting because he won't see what you have, he'll see you for who you are.

And that's what you and everyone else should be looking for when it comes to relationships or pursuing a person of interest.

This is good, what you learned is who you need in your life, not who you want at the moment.

Stay real and be positive.


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Daria, sorry you are going through this. But you will survive it.

Just give him some time (easier said than done, I know).

You said: "I tried to brush him off, telling him that I didn't like the idea of long distance dating.... bad timing... anything to get him off the topic." So don't forget he's dealing with your news, plus the worry that perhaps you don't want him to visit and don't want a relationship.

Guys are a bit different to us, they hear what they are told while us gals are better at reading between the lines!

Perhaps send him a link to this site - I found it not only to be the most informative, but also the most sympathetic. Explain to him that this is just a small inconvenience and you can still have a healthy relationship.

And as the others said, if he isn't in this for the long haul, then at least you found out now and can move on. I went through this last week, and this week, I am just so glad I found out what a douche the guy was and I'm now looking forward to the next chapter.

Let us know how you go with him. We'll help you through it.

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This sorta happened to me recently too. I met a guy.. hit it off.. thought it was going great and it was also long distance (a few hrs). I wanted it to go somewhere and was stressing having to tell him and I did. Thought it went well but after that he kind of got distant. Saying he wasnt ready for a relationship/long distance thing. In the back of my mind I have to wonder if it was the herpes or not. We never discussed it after I told him so I just assumed he was ok with it. (I have ghsv1). I explained the whole thing and was really positive about it and all that. I had to come to terms with the fact that he didnt want a relationship and had to kind of stop questioning why.. but if it was cuz of herpes then it really sucks cause theres nothing I can do about it. Just feel comforted that you're not the only one!


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