Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  
justaman

help with some advice

Recommended Posts

justaman

ive had herpes for a while now, and learned to somewhat lived with it. i have been running away from relationships for a long time and it has backfired because girls get more drawn to me, thinking that i just dont want to be with them because i am too good or something, while it is the total opposite. anyway, i met a girl that i really like and we hang out a couple of times. everything was great until the other night, we were hooking up for the first time and i thought nothing beyond maybe a handjob was going to happen. i was trying to make it stay like that and it was working, but then, when i was about to cum she leaned over and begun to give me a blowjob. i dont know what to do, because, although i wasnt having an outbreak and i take medicine everyday, i am terrified that she is going to get it. she is a very sweet innocent girl and the gilt has me at the verge of suicide. i know it is not the worse thing in the world, but at times it feels like it. i just wish i could meet people who didnt think herpes was the dirtiest thing in the world, and everyone around seem to think so. anyway, i dont know what to do with this girl, or with life for that matter, so if anyone can help, i would be eternally thankful.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LAK

ok, i'm new to this, new to here. i can't say i've learned to live with it myself yet. that being the case, feel free to ignore the advice, tell me to piss off, whatever. but since you asked.......

first, you need to tell her. be honest. it sounds as though you were caught up in the moment and i can understand that. in her shoes i'd be looking for a *big* apology and a *brief* explanation as to why it happened. in your shoes, and especially since it sounds like you really like this girl, i'd offer to go with her to get tested and to pay for it if need be. we all screw up and make mistakes we can't change. the best we can do is to try to make things as right as we can afterward.

second, learn from this. don't wait until the hook-up to tell someone. i haven't had to do this yet and i break down crying every time i even think about having to tell someone, but obviously in the middle of things doesn't work. equally obviously it makes you feel like shit later.

it will be difficult to do but you'll feel a lot better about yourself for taking responsibility for your mistake and doing your best to make things right. that one you can trust me on. i may be new to living with herpes but i am an *expert* at fucking up and then having to fix it. so that's my advice, do your best to fix things and learn from it. it's all any of us can do.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
JBnATL

You need to tell her

I have given the 'talk' many times and have never been rejected.

Start out by asking her if she has ever had a cold sore. Chances are she will say 'yes', then tell her you get cold sores down there. If she says 'no' say the same thing. Try and get her to associate it with something she does not think is so bad, cold sores.

I think you would be surprised on how many people out there don't really think this is a bad thing.

Good luck!

JB

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MissHope

Hey welcome, you've come to the right place to find people who don't think herpes is the worst thing in the world!

Firstly, break this down into smaller pieces to work out what's troubling you the most. Start with baby steps and you'll get through this....

The first thing is that you feel guilty about passing it on to her. Sounds to me that the chances may be very small that she could catch this - you weren't having an OB and you are on the meds. So check that off the list.

Next, you are worried about telling her. If you are going to see her again and want to continue down this path with her, then yes, you do need to tell her. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be.

If she cares about you, then she will be thankful. And we all hope that she will be accepting.

When you do have the talk, be calm, be informed and don't act as if this is a horrible, disgusting thing. Explain that it is just a skin condition, a cold sore. That you have it under control, that you take meds and that with protection and vigilance, you can still have a healthy sex life.

Finally, remind yourself that this doesn't define you. Remind yourself and her that you are still a funny, smart, interesting bloke capable of loving and having great relationships.

And try not to stress. Stress is not our friend. Self love and acceptance are. Don't let this thing beat you. You are better than a silly virus. We all are.

Take care and let us know how you go.... we're here to talk and support.

Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LAK

mmmm, i have to disagree with MissHope on one point. i absolutely believe you need to tell her regardless of whether you wish to "continue on this path". the risk that you have passed it on may be small but it is still there. i don't believe it is fair to her or to anyone else she may come into contact with not to tell her. i just don't believe, "oh, it's probably ok" is good enough when it comes to potentially passing this on.

this is definitely colored by my own experience. my ex gave it to me knowingly and very obviously never planned to tell me. my symptoms are very mild. i'd never have known had i not discovered that he was cheating and gotten tested. i am *still* furious that he would have had me passing this on to others unknowingly. like you i would have felt so unbelievably horrible about having "shared" this, even if i hadn't known i was doing it.

i have known several women who got pregnant while on birth control they took religiously, men who have gotten their partners pregnant following a vasectomy. the risk on these things is small indeed. but it absolutely happens. whatever the odds, this girl has been put at risk. odds are only odds, not guarantees. i know that i would be livid if someone else decided to risk my health and my future by deciding that the odds were a good enough reason to blow off telling me.

so, my two cents on that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LostInLove

I agree completely with LAK. The guy I'm seeing told me 4 days after we met. He was informed and spoke about it in such a way that it made it very comfortable to discuss and ask questions. Had the relationship gone any further without him having told me, I personally would have been angry. It's not fair to knowingly put someone else at risk just because you were too scared to talk about it. Keep in mind I don't have gh, four days after we met he told me and I'm still with him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Monet107

I have a question, and you all may call me ignorant. But I have a friend who was just diagnosed with herpes today. Well she explained some of her symptoms to the doctor, per the doctor she has had her first outbreak. But last weekend we took a girls trip and we all were in the hot tub (not knowing) that she possibly has herpes. I just want to know if it is possible for a person to get herpes in the hot tub. Please help!!!! I am freaking out here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

Advertisement

Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.