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. i feel like everythings ending.

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i got the news on Tuesday morning. and i have never felt more depressed in my life. i feel like everything is just falling at once. and then i sit there and i think about how i got it and if i have given it to anyone. in all honesty i believe i caught it from my ex who would force me to have sex with her.but when the doctor told me that my test had come back positive all i could honestly say was okay thank you and hang up the phone. i sat in dead silence for a good three hours just crying and i still don't truly know how to express my feelings. the only thing truly going though my head is well there goes life. even though its not a deadly disease i feel dead to myself. i know that its somthing that tones of people have. and that its one of the most common things to catch but i also look at the fact that im only 18 and im still in highschool. i hate the fact that i have something that i cant get rid of sicne my dad died of AIDS from a one night stand ( he also had herps) but as well as my mother who he gave it to after me and my sister were born i still sit here and wonder how my mom can be so positive about the situation. i wanna egt into a support group becuase i need people who understand exacly what im going though to talk to to help me though this but at the same time i dont know where i could safly go and how i would get involved. i guess what im trying to say is. i need help coping it hasent hit me as hard as i know its going to. and how exactly do you tell a person. hey my name is so and so im really into but by the way im genital herpes positive.:confused:

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Hey welcome, you've come to the right place for support, understanding and information. We've all been where you are now so know exactly what you are going through.

It's been 3 - 4 months for me now, and I'm doing heaps better. I remember feeling how you do now..... numb, shocked, sad and confused but trust me, it does get better.

Remember that this is not the end of the world. It's just the beginning of a new chapter for you. This won't kill you and you will go on to have a full life.

Spend some time here reading up on the information and the stories - there are some great posts about people that have met partners that have loved them regardless. Believe that you can be one of them too.

Being negative won't make this go away. And remember, stress is not our friend. The worst thing about having this is the mental side effects..... don't let this thing win!

I'm on the other side of the world to you so not sure where your support groups are, but I went to mine last week and it was great. I met some wonderful folks and felt so much better being able to openly talk about this. I also learnt that all sorts of people of all ages and walks of life are part of our "club" and that was comforting too.

Keep checking in here where we are all happy to chat and share experiences. We will help you through this.

This isn't the end, it's a new beginning.

Take care.

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Western Pleasure Rider

I, including pretty much everyone else on this board, know exactly how you feel.

I can relate quite closely, as I am only 20 yrs old, and do believe I have had it for over 5 years now...... However it's almost like I got the news just the other day. I have yet to be blood tested, but really there is not much else it could be.

I'm not sure I have quite convinced myself, but will do the best to convince you that life will go on. I too worry about finding someone who will except me for who I am, and what I have (more so the latter of course), even though I am a young, successful beautiful woman. Upon reading more throughout the site, I saw quite a few people who have gone on to have awesome intimate relationships, and even some who are or get married despite having H.

Express yourself here! Search for a group to talk about it with in your area. I have found the easiest way to begin excepting it, and dropping the negative feelings you have towards it, is as simple as talking about it. At least you do have the support of your mother, look to her for answers and help. That is certainly more than some of us have :)

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  • The Hive is Thriving!

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  • Posts

    • TCBH
      You don't put it down there. you put it on your arm. 
    • luvurself16
      I got hsv from a police officer. Sickos out there.
    • Toro
      I am 44 and I have active herpes in both of my eyes.Only Amenalief helps.
    • Jayne
      I know this thread is a couple of years old, but it’s been helpful to me, and I wanted to contribute as well. Back to Berliner’s original post, I’ve tested negative on several IGGs, with the latest ones being 1 yr and now almost 2 years past exposure.  Figuring out what was going on was the worst nightmare I’ve ever been through in my life. I made the mistake of drinking heavily a week after my father died of cancer, and I had unprotected AS with an ex, who happened to be poly and had some occasional unprotected M2M encounters.   Three days later I had a red line rash along my (sorry to get explicit) crack. This was followed by a rectal burning. Tested negative for G&C and related tests.  Over the next couple of weeks I had severe swelling and discomfort in my lower right quadrant and was told to go to the ER, where (I guess as a standard practice) they did a cat scan, which revealed nothing.  Also not a bacterial infection.  However the repeated manual examinations that occurred at urgent care and the ER seemed to relieve the abdominal pressure over the next few days.  I then had diarrhea for the next several weeks after.  I developed what felt like internal hemorrhoids, which were exacerbated by the diarrhea, and a gastro doctor confirmed via digital exam that there was indeed some sort of mass that felt like possible hemorrhoids. He ordered a sigmoidoscopy, but by the time it was undertaken, whatever was there was gone. After the procedure though, I felt much better for a while, possibly due to digestive issues clearing up after the colon “cleanse.” But this was concurrent with other issues.   About 3 weeks after the encounter I developed a large rash on my left thigh. Shortly thereafter I started having light sensitivity issues, culminating in a fever-like state after being outside in the sun only for 15 minutes after work. At work around that time for a couple days I felt like I was going through life encased in a gauzy gel- similar to being on laughing gas at the dentist, but not in a good way. I didn’t know what the hell was happening to me. I developed a severe case of canker sores for about a day. Later during a sunny drive, after getting back in the car at a gas station I noticed a red blotch below my lip. I tried to shrug it off but it happened again on the trip back.  So by about a month after the encounter I was having more anxiety. I spent the night at a friend’s house and woke up with a massive, swollen red eye and swollen lips. I got eye drops for bacterial conjunctivitis but that was wishful thinking.  A couple of weeks later, my lips were covered in sores. I smothered them with abreva. By the next day, they had mostly gone away. I tried to do a swab test at urgent care (I believe it was the next day), but there was not enough there to make any sort of positive diagnosis. Since then, I’ve had what you could call repeated aborted lesions and red blotches that appear around my mouth, particularly after stress and alcohol consumption. But even having peanut butter or chocolate would set it off for a long time. Fair skin doesn’t help- there was no hiding it. Two months after the encounter, I had my first vaginal burning- it was pretty intense and I had to use ice cubes because I didn’t know what else to do.   The worse feeling though was the periodic flare-ups of rectal itching/burning, often accompanied by another red line rash. It made sitting uncomfortable for about the next two months. I couldn’t wear pants at work- only skirts seemed to make things somewhat less irritated. And for the first three months, I was still testing for HIV along with HSV because of the overlapping symptoms (rash, diarrhea, neural pain, severe flu like symptoms without fever). I lost a lot of weight and had panic attacks. On top of all this I had just moved to a new city and started a new job and didn’t have a support network. And the sad thing is, I had to deal with all of this instead of being able to grieve for my father and being a better source of support to my mother. She had to support me without understanding what was happening.   Another bad thing through all of this was having both my ex and my current partner treat me like I’m crazy. That makes me feel alone and in the dark. Another “hysterical woman.” F*** that.  And while I felt grateful that my current was at the time still ready to be with me even if I had hsv, it’s a little discomfiting that he still doesn’t really believe me. But I’ve learned to live with ambiguity. And now I’m used to doctors as well as partners acting like this is nonexistent. Especially with negative IGG tests even 2 years later, which have left me without any answers.  I’m lucky in a way to be able to blend in because I don’t get obvious sores, genitally or orally (I can cover up the blotches with concealer, and they fortunately have lessened in frequency). But I still get the rectal itching/burning every six months or so (anthistamines seem to alleviate it a bit). And as more of a concern, I’ve had a cramp in my lower right quadrant ever since, which feels like it’s in my digestive tract. Since this has pretty much spread everywhere else in my body, intestinal involvement wouldn’t surprise me, and it isn’t unheard of anyways. I’ve tried to move past this and have since gotten married to my partner, who is a source of support (even if he doesn’t believe I’m having health problems. I know that’s a contradiction but occasionally I want to believe that too.).  I’m also newly pregnant, and symptoms have started to flare up again somewhat. I’m sure this will be an adventure. Hopefully more good than crazy. I know I’m going to struggle with the fear of passing this along but I’m trying to reconcile what doctors say (which is that it is extremely rare) with my own intuition about what I need to be careful of. Maybe I’ll repost with an update down the road. In short, there are people out there who test negative and have to live with loved ones and doctors thinking that a negative test closes the book on this. Again, learning to live with ambiguity is a real life lesson that I’m still coming to grips with. This forum and specifically this post have been a source of comfort that I haven’t been able to find elsewhere. Thanks everyone for the support for the community.     
    • Rockster
      You deepthroat so good that you get all kinds of mouth-to-skin-of-base contact? Kudos to you, but that is extremely rare. 

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