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SnowFairy66

My first time giving 'the talk'

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SnowFairy66

Hi, I m new on this forum, although i ve been reading you guys for months now.

I ve been diagnosed with genital h 7 months ago, and i ve been coping ok with it, until now. I met this great great guy, but it is a long distance relationship. We used to talk like..5 hours a day on the internet or on the phone and we were confiding our most intimate things. He s so smart and mature..Well he was supposed to come see me again next week and i decided to tell him everything, in order 4 him to make a 100% ""aware of "decision. So i had been reading a lot of posts about how to tell, with tips and tricks and everything:) and all of a sudden i told him. I actually thought it sounded ok( the huge percentage of population who is a carrier, low risk of him getting it, the fact i don t have outbreaks, but it can still be transmitted..the fact that it s not who i am bla bla). He seemed surprised, but ok with it. we actually talked more that day,but not about this, about anything else:) But the next day..everything was..colder. And now he wouldn t even text me back. I know it s my first disappointment of many who will come. It even makes you wonder for a second..if you should tell or not..Will it ever feel better? Will anybody take the change of getting an incurable std just for the sake of being with me? rejection is a b*tch, especially for those who used to have everything(all the attention and appreciation of others)

What makes me feel better though is that H helps me avoid relationships with guys who only want me for a night. I guess that,if someday a guy would say it s ok, he actually does care..

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JBnATL

Give this guy some time

Hopefully he is off trying to educate himself about this. Information is key to any relationship. The more he knows the more he will see that this, for the most part, is a common, harmless virus. Send him a link to this website. The more he knows the better for you.

And you should tell everyone you are about to become intimate with. I have given the 'talk' many times and have never been rejected.

Good luck!

JB

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SnowFairy66

Oh, and one more thing

One thing I found out helps you through rejection is..acceptance. Which can come from..whoever u want. For example, I told my mom, my grandma and my 18 year old bro. Well..i found out my sweet granny has it too:))) but she always thought it was some rash from tampons or detergent. And with my brother..oh my god, it s great. we always laugh about it, making it such a small unimportant thing. he even made me listen that' i just gave u herpes' song(after that Rihanna song) and we danced on it, when i was feeling low. It s actually not such a awful thing. And giving somebody 'the talk' just made me feel such a 'good ', concerned,responsible person.:)) Cuz you now what?his rejection is nothing compared to the guilt and shame felt before doing it. It s actually a relief.

thank you guys for existing, for being who you are, and for making me feel better every time i read your posts:*

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WarriorKing

Well of course you do still have to tell first before risk. How soon you tell is a personal decision, and has a lot to do with your interest in the other person, and your comfort with who they are, will they blab, and so on.

I heard a phrase once that men are dogs. And well this is often true. It is not always our fault. The body craves like mad. But the guys that are just lusting after you, and everything else is a game to get you, are the ones you want to avoid. You don't even have to kiss a lot of frogs, but you do need to examine and "mentally" dissect a lot of frogs.

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MissHope

Snowfairy, first up, congratulations on having your 'first'. It was brave of you to tell, and it sounds like you did a good job of it. I just had to have mine the other week and it was awful, but like you, I learnt a lot. And I'm glad to have it out of the way. Now I know that I'd do it differently and that's the most valuable lesson learnt.

Secondly, give your chap some time. He's probably just digesting and learning. Did he know anything about the virus when you told him? The guy I told didn't even know what it was!!!! If he didn't, then he may need extra time. As JB said, send him a link to this site.... it's a great one for education and I find it to be sympathatic to us folk.

Also remind yourself that long distance relationships have their own problems. You can't be there there to tell him face to face. You don't have that personal, intimate connection you would have if you hung out more.

You did the right thing in telling. Not just morally, but if he doesn't want you after this, then he's not the guy for you. You've learnt the hard way, but better now, than down the track. And better to have this out then to have held it in and told him in the heat of the moment.

And yes, people will want you despite having an STD. It wouldn't have stopped me before my diagnosis, and I like to think (and hope) that there are others out there like me.

Good luck to you. Be proud of yourself and keep on pursuing frogs!!! I know I will.... this thing aint stopping me!

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Soraya1

Oh yes, one day you will meet someone who will want to be with you despite this annoying little virus, trust me. Herpes may be an incurable STD, but it is not serious, or life-threatening. It is very common too, so you are not alone, nor some kind of freak for having it.

The stigma thing about it really annoys me though! Before I got genital herpes, I used to suffer from the occasional (like once a year) coldsore, usually when I had a cold or was run down - I had these since I was a teenager, and before I was sexually active. I never disclosed this to anyone before I dated them, and if I did get a coldsore when I was with someone, I used to tell them "no kissing until it heals" and none of them ran away screaming. I cannot see how this is different really. BUT! Because of the stigma of GH being sexually transmitted, I always tell before sleeping with someone. I like to give them the option I was not given by the man who "gifted" this virus to me.

And this guy of yours - well, I am of the opinon he could at least reply to a text message, after how brave you have been telling him. Even if it was just a "sorry, I need to think things through", or "sorry, I cannot deal with this". But heck, I suppose everyone deals differently.

You were just unlucky that the first person you told freaked out. But honestly, it won't always be this way. Don't allow his reaction to temper your feelings of having the virus. It is not a big deal, but once we have it, we have to proceed with caution, and show respect to others feelings, without allowing them to disrespect us or erode our own sense of self-confidence.

Onwards and upwards my girl!

Soraya1 x

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SnowFairy66

10x

Oh guys, thank you so much for your support. It helps so much! And you were kind of right..he called me today, acting like i never told him anything. Freaking bipolar:)). i know there s gonna be some extra talking to do, but i m happy he didn t totally freak out. there might still be hope..

It s so strange that there are days when i forget about having H, feeling all normal again..and days (without any signs of an OB) where i just look at couples on the street..thinking:I m sure she doesn t have it, that s why he loves her. She s normal..:(

I want to ask you guys something, though. How was the first time you had sex with a new partner, after being diagnosed?Cuz i m really scared i might pass it to him from our first night. That would suck too much. I don t have any sores..but I know that doesn t mean i can t give it. even with condoms, isn t it impossible(for a guy) not to touch a girl' s genital area during intercourse?(even for a few seconds). So..having all these in mind..how could you relax?How could your partner?

Thank you again :*

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