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Dolphin318

Long distance relationship

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Dolphin318

Hi, I started "dating" a guy about 3 weeks ago. I say "dating" because he is half way across the country so we've just talked a lot on the phone. He has said he would like to come visit me in the next month and so I think I should have the talk with him because I know when he visits there is a high chance of us getting sexual. My question to you all is should i tell him before he buys a ticket to come visit or wait til he's here? I don't want to tell him over the phone or via skype but I don't want to wait till he gets here, tell him and if he rejects me have an uncomfortable time. What do you suggest?

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MissHope

Hi Dolphin.... tough question...

I guess if I were you, I'd tell him before he travels out to see you. Totally understand that it would be better to have the chat in person but I guess in this situation, as you say, it may be a bit uncomfortable having him around if it doesn't go well.

I think if you are clear that you are telling him via phone/email that it is because you wanted to be honest, and allow him the choice to come or not to come.

Explain that you care about him, and be prepared with lots of information and facts in case he has questions. If need be, send him a link to this site so he can gets the facts.

Just try and be upbeat about it all. Don't get freaked out and don't be ashamed. Let him know that this is just a silly virus and that you have it under control.

Good luck. Let us know how it all goes for you.... I have my fingers crossed it all works out.

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Dolphin318

Thanks. I actually have Skype so we can at least talk face to face (over the computer). I wont bring it up until we seriously discuss him buying a ticket to come out here. I will keep you guys posted. Thanks for your support.

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dbc1951

I will have to agree with MissHope on this one.

The reason I do is that I had the same situation when I was working in Germany. I met a woman there and was immediately attracted to her and it was mutual. I really didn't think that much about herpes until I received a notice that I was taking a government job in North Carolina (they rotated us in and out).

Since she was a resident alien in Germany she was staying there. So there was no question of NOT telling her...just how and when. I told her before I left because we had discussed my coming back on vacation. I didn't feel like I wanted "the talk" hanging over my head for months.

That ended things then and there. Still, I couldn't have handled it any differently. Thats what sucks about this.

And one more thing. A personal relationship is much more valuable and rewarding than a sexual one. Develop that first and anything that follows is gravy.

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Dolphin318

Thanks guys. I told him tonight. He surprised me by telling me that he has it too and was struggling with when to tell me considering he wanted to come visit me. We've decided that we will take things very slow and have booked his tickets for him to come visit. Thank you for your help. I will keep you all posted.

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MissHope

Dolphin, wow, great story!!!!

I'm proud of you for fessing up and hey, what an outcome.

I wish you both the very best.

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