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let's sit down and "talk"

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Ok. 2 days before I was diagnosed, I met an amazing guy!:smile: We've been talking almost every day since then, at least once a day, if not more!! And I really, really, really, really like him!..and he has expressed interest in me too & asked me out on a date!!...

I havent told him bout my diagnosis yet, I figured it was a bit to soon..considering we havent even had our first date yet haha! But I can tell that this is probably going to turn into more, eventually a relationship, if things keep going the way they are..and if he handles my news ok..

So my question is, how long do I wait to tell him? I know I have to before things get intimate. But i'd like to before it gets to that point, just incase hes not ok with it, neither of us have too many feelings involved...

And how do i tell him? Thats what im stuck on the most..I'm scared I'm going to scare him off.

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Tell him you've got to be straightforward with him and you just found out you have herpes. Dish out some statistics. Are you on antivirals? Tell him the % of passing on rate. For me because I'm on antivirals and I'd use condoms it's 1%, which is LESS than the risk of birth control failing. I would love to throw that one down sometime. People don't think twice about taking the risk of birth control's failure rate. I haven't had the talk yet with anyone but I've been trying to use the positive singles website first.

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In my experience, it is best to leave it as long as possible. Tell him too soon, and before you know each other, and it makes it seem like a much bigger deal than it is.

I am of the opinion that you need to get someone to know you first – once they know you, and are starting to really like you, they are more likely to give it careful consideration, rather than making a snap judgement and run for the hills. They will like/love you for who you are first, and not think of you as "that girl has herpes". If they haven't invested any hope in you, then it is easier to run away without giving it the proper consideration it needs.

I have a new boyfriend, who does not carry the virus. I left it for what felt like ages before telling him; we spent the time getting to know each other, and I told him that I wanted to get to know him, and him me, before the relationship turned sexual. He was cool with that, and it was actually very exciting and romantic, to be kissing all the time, wanting each other, but not doing anything. Eventually, after a lovely dinner at my place, he started telling me personal things about himself. So I joined in. I didn't make a big deal of it, just told him that I occasionally suffered from coldsores, like, one a year if I was run down. He said, bummer, his whole family got those, yet he seemed immune. I then told him i also have a strain of herpes that affects the genital area, that I had it for 12 years, and that it was a bloody inconvenience more than anything, and my outbreaks were not so frequent. He didn't know much about genital herpes, so I explained the risks etc. And he was cool about it. I think the cool way I talked about it tempered his reaction, too. I was very matter of fact, gave him all the facts, but did not make a big deal out of it. He is fine with it, because it is only a small part of who I am, and one that he is prepared to work around.

You will find the right way to do it. Trust yourself. And don't rush into it, I say. Whenever I rush into it, it always comes out wrong!

Soraya1 x

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I agree with Soraya

Don't rush into it, and don't make it like it is a big deal.

When I give the 'talk' I do it in a relaxed setting and start out asking them if they have ever had a cold sore. If they say "yes", I tell them I get cold sores down there. If they say "no", I still say I get cold sores down there. I do tell them it is herpes but I believe if I can get them to relate it to something they do not think as a bad thing, cold sores, they will accept it better. I have given the 'talk' many times and have never been rejected.

Use this time to learn as much as you can about this. Learn the statistics, the ways to suppress it and the commonality of it. The more you know the better.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.


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