Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  
BabyCakes09

let's sit down and "talk"

Recommended Posts

BabyCakes09

Ok. 2 days before I was diagnosed, I met an amazing guy!:smile: We've been talking almost every day since then, at least once a day, if not more!! And I really, really, really, really like him!..and he has expressed interest in me too & asked me out on a date!!...

I havent told him bout my diagnosis yet, I figured it was a bit to soon..considering we havent even had our first date yet haha! But I can tell that this is probably going to turn into more, eventually a relationship, if things keep going the way they are..and if he handles my news ok..

So my question is, how long do I wait to tell him? I know I have to before things get intimate. But i'd like to before it gets to that point, just incase hes not ok with it, neither of us have too many feelings involved...

And how do i tell him? Thats what im stuck on the most..I'm scared I'm going to scare him off.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
darkangel2100

Tell him you've got to be straightforward with him and you just found out you have herpes. Dish out some statistics. Are you on antivirals? Tell him the % of passing on rate. For me because I'm on antivirals and I'd use condoms it's 1%, which is LESS than the risk of birth control failing. I would love to throw that one down sometime. People don't think twice about taking the risk of birth control's failure rate. I haven't had the talk yet with anyone but I've been trying to use the positive singles website first.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Soraya1

In my experience, it is best to leave it as long as possible. Tell him too soon, and before you know each other, and it makes it seem like a much bigger deal than it is.

I am of the opinion that you need to get someone to know you first – once they know you, and are starting to really like you, they are more likely to give it careful consideration, rather than making a snap judgement and run for the hills. They will like/love you for who you are first, and not think of you as "that girl has herpes". If they haven't invested any hope in you, then it is easier to run away without giving it the proper consideration it needs.

I have a new boyfriend, who does not carry the virus. I left it for what felt like ages before telling him; we spent the time getting to know each other, and I told him that I wanted to get to know him, and him me, before the relationship turned sexual. He was cool with that, and it was actually very exciting and romantic, to be kissing all the time, wanting each other, but not doing anything. Eventually, after a lovely dinner at my place, he started telling me personal things about himself. So I joined in. I didn't make a big deal of it, just told him that I occasionally suffered from coldsores, like, one a year if I was run down. He said, bummer, his whole family got those, yet he seemed immune. I then told him i also have a strain of herpes that affects the genital area, that I had it for 12 years, and that it was a bloody inconvenience more than anything, and my outbreaks were not so frequent. He didn't know much about genital herpes, so I explained the risks etc. And he was cool about it. I think the cool way I talked about it tempered his reaction, too. I was very matter of fact, gave him all the facts, but did not make a big deal out of it. He is fine with it, because it is only a small part of who I am, and one that he is prepared to work around.

You will find the right way to do it. Trust yourself. And don't rush into it, I say. Whenever I rush into it, it always comes out wrong!

Soraya1 x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
JBnATL

I agree with Soraya

Don't rush into it, and don't make it like it is a big deal.

When I give the 'talk' I do it in a relaxed setting and start out asking them if they have ever had a cold sore. If they say "yes", I tell them I get cold sores down there. If they say "no", I still say I get cold sores down there. I do tell them it is herpes but I believe if I can get them to relate it to something they do not think as a bad thing, cold sores, they will accept it better. I have given the 'talk' many times and have never been rejected.

Use this time to learn as much as you can about this. Learn the statistics, the ways to suppress it and the commonality of it. The more you know the better.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

JB

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

Advertisement

Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      67,673
    • Total Posts
      450,691
  • Posts

    • mkumar
      Guys trying a New Way to take herpes Down , Detox Liver & Purify Blood will help just started a new way to tackle this , it's a 8 week course will update 
    • GotMeAtLast
      I ate...and ate...and ate. So glad I don't have to give them up!
    • StayingUpbeat
      There are currently two Phase 2 clinical trials of the effect of valacyclovir (i.e. Valtrex) at the NIH and University Hospital in Umeå, Sweden respectively for the sole purpose of measuring the impact to Alzheimers of taking Valacyclovir in HSV1+ individuals. Anti-viral Therapy in Alzheimer's Disease https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT03282916?recrs=ad&cond=Herpes+Simplex&rank=10 Feasibility and Effects of Valaciclovir Treatment in Persons With Early Alzheimer's Disease (VALZ-Pilot) https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT02997982?recrs=ad&cond=Herpes+Simplex&draw=2&rank=11 We should have some compelling evidence by about this time next year as the Swedish study has been going since 2016 and is set to conclude in April of next year.  The NIH study is set to conclude in 2022 but either way, on simply the mounting causal evidence, I'm going to continue taking my antivirals.
    • GotMeAtLast
      It still sucks for those of us in our 40's. Granted you will have to deal with it a lot longer than I, but it still sucks.
    • Everydaypeople
      I hope this message finds you well... I too just got recently diagnosed with type 2 and my soul left my body.... I'm still in 5 stages of grief... depression and anxiety... etc...  your boyfriend probably knew he had it...   I'm still in state of shock...gonna start doing things to occupy my mind...  support group like this site is good... very informative.. As far as not ever having a normal relationship,  your wrong.. my best friend had type 2 and had kids and got married.. How ? I asked myself plenty of times... none of my business... shem happier than she's ever been..  
×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.