Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  
MaleNurse

Old girlfriend angry @ me

Recommended Posts

MaleNurse

Hi All -

I'm brandy new on here and I really just need a little information and hopefully, a quotable source for that information. I've had herpes since the late 80s, but for most of that time I've only had on average about 1 fairly mild outbreak per year.

Here's the situation:

I separated from my wife several years ago for an extended period of time with the intention of permanently breaking up. During that time I met a woman and we dated for a couple of months.

Eventually I moved back home. All of this happened about 5 or 6 years ago.

Recently I heard from the woman I'd dated that she has this illness. I honestly didn't think I was responsible because while we were dating I never had an outbreak.

Now, I'm not in denial here because my wife of 21 years now was tested for std's when I moved back home and she was clean! But, I may well have been the source of this other woman's virus.

The thing that occurred to me, though, was that at the time all of this was happening - around 2003/2004 time frame, I don't remember hearing much about the issue of "viral shedding" when one isn't having an actual outbreak. I'm not trying to deny what happened, but, I'd like to be able to tell this poor woman that at the time I had no reason to think I could've been contagious because it was before the whole issue of "viral shedding" became general public knowledge. By that I mean basically when the pharmaceutical industry started advertising it, not when it appeared for the first time in a medical journal.

I spent a bit of time searching around on the internet for this information, speciaifally about when the amkers of Valtrex started advertising and when they included the information about "viral shedding" in that advertising, but I came up zilch so far. If anyone can help me out I'd be much obliged.

And, yes, I am a male nurse and one of the things this woman said to me was "You're a nurse so you must've known about this" but the fact is that we never even discusssed it in nursing school and unless you work in an area that this would be something you're apt to run in to, your average nurse won't know anything more about this than the general public.

Thanks!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
breckgirl

You could try: http://www.herpes.org/herpesinfo/asymptomatic.shtml Although it does not specifically state when "America" and the Herpes community was prevy to this information, it does state that in 1994-1996 some goofy paper was published that said "Hey ya'll, you sheddin".

I contacted this in the late 80's as well and had no reason what-so-ever to believe that I was contagious if I was not having an OB. And it literally wasn't until the Valtrex commercials started saying "You may transmit it to your partner even if you don't have symptoms" that I started to feel a little uncomfortable. But then, I had been married for 11 years and had never infected any partner. It is entirely possible this past fling got it from another partner and is pointing the finger at you simply because you have admitted to having it and the buck has to stop somewhere I guess.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
breckgirl

Plus* it is truly disheartening to know that I know more about this stupid virus than my nurse practitioner at the VA. What a bubble head.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
regret

valtrex wasnt around in the 80s and it could be that she got it from someone else... anyone who got herpes before the years of 2007, i would say many dr.s gave them wrong information..the old phrase you cant pass it on unless you are having an outbreak...i wouldnt feel bad..you didnt know if it was you...you were given what information the medical field had at the time which was useless information back then

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Soraya1

I am going to say something contraversial here:

"it literally wasn't until the Valtrex commercials started saying "You may transmit it to your partner even if you don't have symptoms"

My doctor is strongly of the opinion that viral shedding does not exist, and that this suddenly came out when the meds started hitting the shelves. She reckons it was a ploy of the pharma companies to get more people on meds. What a money spinner! She refuses to give me anti-virals, unless I start having frequent and painful outbreaks. She says that they can cause more health issues that are worse than the herpes...

This is just her opinon, however – I don't know if she has bothered to back this up with research, so I continue to be careful at ALL times. However, it sounds possible, dont you think?

Soraya1 x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
joiedevivre100

My Doctor

According to my doctor, he says that there are medical papers/studies that says viral shedding is not true. He told me this after my diagnosis. I didn't listen to him because I heard the Valtrex commercials in my head.

However, if we think about it herpes zoster is not contagious unless it is active and touched. I know they are different viruses but would they behave so differently.

I don't know I'm going to err on the side of caution and just be super careful.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MaleNurse
I am going to say something contraversial here:

"it literally wasn't until the Valtrex commercials started saying "You may transmit it to your partner even if you don't have symptoms"

My doctor is strongly of the opinion that viral shedding does not exist, and that this suddenly came out when the meds started hitting the shelves. She reckons it was a ploy of the pharma companies to get more people on meds. What a money spinner!

Well, that's kinda what I was thinking, too... but, this being my first post, I didn't want to risk saying it for fear I'd get slammed :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Soraya1
Well, that's kinda what I was thinking, too... but, this being my first post, I didn't want to risk saying it for fear I'd get slammed :)

Hee hee hee! But seriously. My dad works in the pharmaceuticals industry, and he says that it is largely corrupt. Does everyone know what these SOBs do in Africa with their medicine testing? It is evil.

Let's look at it this way. I have had genital HSV for 12 years. I have had 10 sexual partners. I am still in contact with 6 of them – and not one of them has gone on to develop the virus. We only had sex when I was totally outbreak free. Four of them I did not use condoms with...

I think that VALTREX is mostly responsible for the paranoia that goes on about passing the virus on. I mean, that is in their interest, right? There is due caution, and then, there is due exploitation. Where there is money to be had, there is exploitation. I am not buying into that. I am careful, and respectful, but I will not be manipulated.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
catiesmom

The biggest problem with the no shedding logic is -- how did most of us get this then?? I can tell you the guy i let go down on me did NOT have any sores on his mouth. And i'm sure there are TONS of people here who will say the same - there were no sores apparent, but they contracted the virus anyway. I agree that shedding may be blown out of proportion, and that pharma companies are generally not to be trusted, but how do you explain the transmission rate, then?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
joiedevivre100

My Experience

I dated a guy for a year who had GHSV2. He didn't believe in viral shedding. I think I brought it up to him once. I was too naive back then to really push the issue. We didn't use condoms. I don't think he was on ST. This was in 1996. I know that he was really careful whenever he felt any symptoms and we abstained. I did not contract it from him and we were both not very educated on HSV. Yes, I was tested to verify that I didn't receive it from him.

I think a lot of it is about knowing your body and feeling the symptoms. If you have no reason to believe you have come into contact with HSV then that little burning or tingling down there could be a yeast infection. If it goes away after a couple of days, "Oh I guess I didn't have a yeast infection."

Could be the same thing with the lips...my lips are tingling must be a reaction to the sun, my sunscreen or something I ate.

You know what I mean. There are a multitude of things that can illicit the symptoms I think it's human nature to explain them away as something innocent.

Who knows about viral shedding...I didn't know that this stuff could be all over your skin. I don't think anybody really understands this virus otherwise they would be much farther alone to a cure.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MaleNurse

Maybe someone can help me out.... I really feel awful about this whole damned situation but this woman is (understandably) PO'd at me. The thing I really want to get across to her is that as far as I knew at that time i.e. 2003/2004 I honestly did not think she could catch this "affliction" from me if I wasn't having an active OB.

Maybe one of the ladies here could help me out as to how I could word this?

Thanks!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
totalregret

i received oral sex from someone that has never had a cold sore. he must have been shedding. most people on here got the virus with the other person didn't have any visible sores.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
talesofagirl
i received oral sex from someone that has never had a cold sore. he must have been shedding. most people on here got the virus with the other person didn't have any visible sores.

Mine was asymptomatic, too, and had no idea he had it.

Anyone who doesn't believe in shedding is delusional, in my opinion. And I can't imagine there are very many people out there who would get physical with someone who had visible sores. That's crazy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
talesofagirl

To the OP, I would just tell her that, at the time, the medical community felt it wasn't contagious when you weren't having symptoms.

I don't think that it will make her feel any better, though. She's been traumatized, and she needs to be angry.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Soraya1
The biggest problem with the no shedding logic is -- how did most of us get this then?? I can tell you the guy i let go down on me did NOT have any sores on his mouth. And i'm sure there are TONS of people here who will say the same - there were no sores apparent, but they contracted the virus anyway. I agree that shedding may be blown out of proportion, and that pharma companies are generally not to be trusted, but how do you explain the transmission rate, then?

You are right – I should not be spouting this on the forum, as it is my opinion, based on suspicion, and not fact – apologies! I think caution, with a little healthy scepticism, should probably be where I stand. I am going to go away and read up more on shedding, as I simply don't understand how it works. I thought the virus lived in the base of your spine when not active, so not sure how it can also be on the skin.

Soraya1 x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Soraya1
Maybe someone can help me out.... I really feel awful about this whole damned situation but this woman is (understandably) PO'd at me. The thing I really want to get across to her is that as far as I knew at that time i.e. 2003/2004 I honestly did not think she could catch this "affliction" from me if I wasn't having an active OB.

Maybe one of the ladies here could help me out as to how I could word this?

Thanks!

I think the previous poster is right. There is not much you can do to stop her anger. (Sorry). We all go through a range of emotions when diagnosed, it is a way of processing.

If you do need to speak with her, then you should just keep it simple and honest. Explain you did not know you could pass the virus when not having an OB, and would not knowingly pass an STD onto anyone, as you are a good man.

That is all you can do. It is up to her whether she believes you or not, that is something you cannot control, no matter how eloquently you put it.

Try not to let this get you down.

Soraya1 x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

Advertisement

Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      68,266
    • Total Posts
      455,602
  • Posts

    • Dutchy
      Hi! I was diagnosed one year and four months ago. Not a major first outbreak. Than 2,5 months later my second. Then faster a Little ob. Then is was without for almost 7 months. I really felt that was how i could handle things. Then in June i started having ob after ob. It was a very hot summer here in Holland. Also started a new relationship so more frequent sexual Activity. Not sure what coused it but those things i did feel like could trigger it.  Started acyclivir two months ago. That helps a great deal. But really dont want to Stay on Anti virals. Willing to try natural stuff but also right now feeling very happy not worrying all the time. Need to discuss again with my doctor soon.  
    • LovelyVirgo
      I had an igg test done I believe. I was diagnosed with hsv2 genital 
    • LovelyVirgo
      Oh wow that sounds mind boggling,, maybe your diet is your problem as well. Dang I thought guys had it a little easier seeing as tho you could keep your ob's dry better than a woman for it to heal..  I've never heard of Neem what's is that
    • LovelyVirgo
      Yea I believe it may have to do with my diet i just recently cut out beef, chocolate & nuts & started eating more fish & fruits & smoothies and my symtoms are going away suprisingly. I think it was more so the chocolate for me lol smh im gonna miss it. And NO WAY your stomach!?? Like how does that happen lol that's so weird
    • WilsoInAus
      No, nothing looks like herpes.
×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.