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chatnoir

joining the "H" club

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chatnoir

Hello. I am new to this. New to herpes, new to support groups. I was finally diagnosed in September but had my first outbreak last April. I've been pretty closed off about it and have only discussed my diagnosis with a few people. My husband and I were separated, I had sex with someone, and now I have herpes. My husband and I are back together now, but he is, needless to say, less than thrilled with my diagnosis. He, for the record, had sex with 3 different people and says he knows it could have easily been him who got herpes. Anyway, I am dealing with my shame and anger, his anger, and I could really use a friend. I'm so glad I found this forum. :wavey:

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WarriorKing

I am glad that you found us. You will find many people here willing to answer your posts. After you have posted twice then you can join us in chat which is sometimes very busy and sometimes not.

There is no shame in getting herpes. That part is nonsense, not from you but from some idiots that thing it is fun to cause other people emotional pain. There are many independent bacteria and viruses in this world that attack humans all the time. This one just happens to often be transmitted through sexual contact, thus the nonsense. I cannot find the link here but in Italy oral herpes is exceptionally high because of the cultural norm of kissing relatives all the time.

I urge you and your husband to learn all that you can about H. This site has quite a bit of information on it on the links off to the right of your screen.

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chatnoir

Mr. Honest,

Thanks for responding to my post. I actually have learned quite a bit about herpes; I'm just still grappling with all those feelings that many of the newly diagnosed still have. It doesn't help that my marriage may end because my husband cannot get over the fear he's "going to get it" even though we've both read the statistics. Our counselor says it isn't the herpes, but the abandonment it represents as the separation last February was my idea. I'm so glad to have found this forum. I was feeling so alone. It will be so good to have people to talk with about the whole mess.

So thanks again for your response. I look forward to a live chat with other "survivors."

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debzie

hi. im new to this. i was diagnosed last july.never really dealt with it then and am still having problems. i feel the man i was with knew he had herpes and choice not to tell me. i dont know alot about it to know if men can give it to women or if they can just be carriers and not know it. he was completely calm about it when i told him..i felt if it wasnt knew to him..he would have been freaked out that i exposed him. soooooo i feel i will never find anyone to date and dont even know how to go about dating, when is a good time to tell someone i have it. any advice????

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chatnoir

debzie,

Did we sleep with the same man? :) I guess that's doubtful given our locations. I have my doubts too, about whether or not he knew he had herpes but didn't care. I'd like to believe no one would do that to another human being, but...

Are you on suppressant therapy? I am but am still having mild outbreaks. From what I've read, the first year or two are the worst while our bodies fight the virus.

Hang in there, sister. We are in this together. I'm going to go buy some Lysine today and see if that helps. I'll let you know.

For the record, I'd be willing to bet you WILL date again. You, like me, just need to keep processing all this (meaning actually deal with it). That is how I've been too, just kind of put that thought aside and not deal with it. It is only now that my marriage is threatened by herpes that I feel I HAVE to deal with it.

I'm here to help, if that helps.

chatnoir

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