Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  

really scared :-(

Recommended Posts


Hi. I couple days ago I found a genital sore, and I am really scared. I went to the doctor, but she wasn't able to tell me much except that it did look like herpes. I started getting cold sores a couple years ago, and now this! I am going to get a blood test for HSV2 on Monday, so I am driving myself crazy worrying about it in the mean time. I honestly don't know what it could be if its not herpes. I just can't believe that I will probably have to deal with having both these viruses for the rest of my life. I am currently in a relationship, and I feel like I already went through the 'coming out' period with him because I had to tell him about my cold sores. He has been very understanding, but I am terrified that if I have to now tell him that I have genital herpes it will be like the straw that broke the camel's back :-(. I am disappointed in the situation, and myself. I feel so alone and could really, really use some support from someone who has experience dealing with this virus....

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

You'll live for another day

It's all about your outlook when it comes to herpes. You can let herpes get the best of you or you can have herpes be nothing more than dirt under your shoe.

Really, herpes is so minimal in your life, the stigma behind hide is what makes it hard to handle. Herpes is like having acne or any other recurring visible skin condition like pimples. It comes and goes away, just like anything in life.

Seriously, if you make it into a big deal, then it will be. But if you don't, than it isn't and soon you'll see how herpes doesn't change your life.

Celebrities have herpes and continue to prolong their life normally. It doesn't change who you are.

Think of it this way, it's not AIDS. You still have another day to breathe and live your life. This will not stop you from getting the things you want.

With the right diet and attitude, herpes will disappear for a very, very long time. Just gotta believe in yourself and stay positive.

You'll be fine. Trust me.


Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites


Thanks so much for your post woozy. It is really nice to know that there are others out there going through the same stuff. I know its not the end of the world, but it sure feels like it sometimes. Especially when I think about how much the way I was planning on living my life has changed in just a few days. I told my boyfriend, and he did not react well :-( which is a huge bummer. He is worried if he has it, and accused me of definitely giving it to him if he does have it even though he has had WAY more partners than me... ridiculous I know. I am really glad I found this site though, there seem to be a lot of great people here.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Denise 07

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Herpes sucks I just got diagnosed with HSV 1 and I have it on my genitals not oral. I don't know how I got it because I've been married and faithful for 13 1/2 years and dated 6 yrs with my husband and had not cheated. I am so upset. I guess it can lay dormant for awhile. I know my husband didn't cheat I trust him dearly. We have two children and I never dreamed that an std could come and invade our lives. Everything is going to be different but our love will always be the same. Sorry that your boyfriend isn't being supportive. That is what you need the most when you are dealing with this for life. I am taking acyclovir daily and I sure hope that I won't have anymore OB's. I also take Lysine two tablets once a day. I was first diagnosed on Nov 7th when I was having painful urination. A couple of days before I went to the ER on the 7th I went to my dr's office thinking it was a UTI but my urine tested negative but they went ahead and sent it in to see if any bacteria would grow and they prescribed an antibiotic. I started it that night and the next day the burn was getting worse and than I noticed the blister on my vagina and was worried. I also had a swollen lymph node around my pelvic area on the side and that scared the hell out of me. So my husband told me I should get it checked out ASAP. So the next day I decided to go to the ER because it wasn't improving and the burn was so bad I could barely go pee because it hurt and I cried so bad. Anyway sorry this is so long but they did a swab test and just by looking the ER dr said it was genital hepes and I was stunned and was like noway how could that be when I've been with my husband forever and he was a virgin and swears he never cheated. I did have a few guys before we met and that could explain this because it could have layed dormant. Anyway, you're not alone and if you need to talk anytime just let me know. I am fairly new to this and have so many questions myself. I hope that you and your boyfriend can work this out. You really need to have all the support you can get when faced with this.

Also, I had a blood test done as well as my husband to see if he has it. Mine was being done to see about how long I've had this. I guess they can tell by how much antibodies you have in your body. So I haven't heard anything and the test was done last Tuesday afternoon so I am going to call tomorrow to find out. The waiting is torture. Good Luck with your appointment and I hope that maybe they misdiagnosed you and everything will be fine! Take Care:D

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for your post Denise. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, but it is always helpful to hear from people who are suffering from the same thing. What a terrible surprise that must have been for you! I can't believe how ignorant the American public is about this virus, myself included until a few days ago. There is also SO much misinformation, even from reliable sources. For example, my Dr. swore that I wouldn't infect myself because I was worried about passing my cold sores to my genital area, but my bf talked to a virologist in his family who said that it is actually quite possible and happens more than people realize. Why don't they understand these things?!

Anyway, I am also waiting for my blood results :-(. I will hopefully have them by tomorrow, but I have prepared myself for the worst which would be HSV1 and HSV2. I don't know what will happen with my bf... he is really upset and angry. He assumes if he has it I gave it to him, which is stupid. I have been just as careful and responsible as he has been, and i have had fewer partners. Hopefully he will get it together so we can work through this, but who knows. It will be extremely difficult to start dating again, both because I do love him and because I am mortified that this has happened to me.

Thanks so much for your support. If you ever want to talk as well I would be happy to chat. It is a lifesaver to have found this community.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Still Happy


Sorry to hear about your situation. I was reading Denise's situation here, very , very similar to my story (Married for many years without a trace and then bam, no rhyme or reason, never did figure out how). This virus can come out of nowhere even if you think you have been careful ...it like so many things in life just happens to good people.

It can own you emotionally if you let it and it takes a long while to accept what it is and how it will affect your life. There is no quick way to get to a better place mentally,especially if your struggling with a partner or spouse who is just as confused as you are about this new situation. The thing is that no human is immune from every virus or condition, a diagnosis of cancer would be far more devastating but people don't think about these kind of things until they are faced with it.

I found one of the better ways to deal with it is just add up all the quality's of who you are good and bad. You will see in the list that it's just another thing that pales in comparison to what makes you a good person. 1 out of 4 people have this condition, your partners odds of becoming involved with someone else who is facing this even if he left you is very high and unlike you they might not tell him till after the fact (or at all). The fact that you are honest speaks very highly about your self integrity and ethics.

It takes time and it's easy to stress but really you are still the same person don't forget that. In time you will be ok no matter how it turns out...believe that :)

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Posts

    • TCBH
      You don't put it down there. you put it on your arm. 
    • luvurself16
      I got hsv from a police officer. Sickos out there.
    • Toro
      I am 44 and I have active herpes in both of my eyes.Only Amenalief helps.
    • Jayne
      I know this thread is a couple of years old, but it’s been helpful to me, and I wanted to contribute as well. Back to Berliner’s original post, I’ve tested negative on several IGGs, with the latest ones being 1 yr and now almost 2 years past exposure.  Figuring out what was going on was the worst nightmare I’ve ever been through in my life. I made the mistake of drinking heavily a week after my father died of cancer, and I had unprotected AS with an ex, who happened to be poly and had some occasional unprotected M2M encounters.   Three days later I had a red line rash along my (sorry to get explicit) crack. This was followed by a rectal burning. Tested negative for G&C and related tests.  Over the next couple of weeks I had severe swelling and discomfort in my lower right quadrant and was told to go to the ER, where (I guess as a standard practice) they did a cat scan, which revealed nothing.  Also not a bacterial infection.  However the repeated manual examinations that occurred at urgent care and the ER seemed to relieve the abdominal pressure over the next few days.  I then had diarrhea for the next several weeks after.  I developed what felt like internal hemorrhoids, which were exacerbated by the diarrhea, and a gastro doctor confirmed via digital exam that there was indeed some sort of mass that felt like possible hemorrhoids. He ordered a sigmoidoscopy, but by the time it was undertaken, whatever was there was gone. After the procedure though, I felt much better for a while, possibly due to digestive issues clearing up after the colon “cleanse.” But this was concurrent with other issues.   About 3 weeks after the encounter I developed a large rash on my left thigh. Shortly thereafter I started having light sensitivity issues, culminating in a fever-like state after being outside in the sun only for 15 minutes after work. At work around that time for a couple days I felt like I was going through life encased in a gauzy gel- similar to being on laughing gas at the dentist, but not in a good way. I didn’t know what the hell was happening to me. I developed a severe case of canker sores for about a day. Later during a sunny drive, after getting back in the car at a gas station I noticed a red blotch below my lip. I tried to shrug it off but it happened again on the trip back.  So by about a month after the encounter I was having more anxiety. I spent the night at a friend’s house and woke up with a massive, swollen red eye and swollen lips. I got eye drops for bacterial conjunctivitis but that was wishful thinking.  A couple of weeks later, my lips were covered in sores. I smothered them with abreva. By the next day, they had mostly gone away. I tried to do a swab test at urgent care (I believe it was the next day), but there was not enough there to make any sort of positive diagnosis. Since then, I’ve had what you could call repeated aborted lesions and red blotches that appear around my mouth, particularly after stress and alcohol consumption. But even having peanut butter or chocolate would set it off for a long time. Fair skin doesn’t help- there was no hiding it. Two months after the encounter, I had my first vaginal burning- it was pretty intense and I had to use ice cubes because I didn’t know what else to do.   The worse feeling though was the periodic flare-ups of rectal itching/burning, often accompanied by another red line rash. It made sitting uncomfortable for about the next two months. I couldn’t wear pants at work- only skirts seemed to make things somewhat less irritated. And for the first three months, I was still testing for HIV along with HSV because of the overlapping symptoms (rash, diarrhea, neural pain, severe flu like symptoms without fever). I lost a lot of weight and had panic attacks. On top of all this I had just moved to a new city and started a new job and didn’t have a support network. And the sad thing is, I had to deal with all of this instead of being able to grieve for my father and being a better source of support to my mother. She had to support me without understanding what was happening.   Another bad thing through all of this was having both my ex and my current partner treat me like I’m crazy. That makes me feel alone and in the dark. Another “hysterical woman.” F*** that.  And while I felt grateful that my current was at the time still ready to be with me even if I had hsv, it’s a little discomfiting that he still doesn’t really believe me. But I’ve learned to live with ambiguity. And now I’m used to doctors as well as partners acting like this is nonexistent. Especially with negative IGG tests even 2 years later, which have left me without any answers.  I’m lucky in a way to be able to blend in because I don’t get obvious sores, genitally or orally (I can cover up the blotches with concealer, and they fortunately have lessened in frequency). But I still get the rectal itching/burning every six months or so (anthistamines seem to alleviate it a bit). And as more of a concern, I’ve had a cramp in my lower right quadrant ever since, which feels like it’s in my digestive tract. Since this has pretty much spread everywhere else in my body, intestinal involvement wouldn’t surprise me, and it isn’t unheard of anyways. I’ve tried to move past this and have since gotten married to my partner, who is a source of support (even if he doesn’t believe I’m having health problems. I know that’s a contradiction but occasionally I want to believe that too.).  I’m also newly pregnant, and symptoms have started to flare up again somewhat. I’m sure this will be an adventure. Hopefully more good than crazy. I know I’m going to struggle with the fear of passing this along but I’m trying to reconcile what doctors say (which is that it is extremely rare) with my own intuition about what I need to be careful of. Maybe I’ll repost with an update down the road. In short, there are people out there who test negative and have to live with loved ones and doctors thinking that a negative test closes the book on this. Again, learning to live with ambiguity is a real life lesson that I’m still coming to grips with. This forum and specifically this post have been a source of comfort that I haven’t been able to find elsewhere. Thanks everyone for the support for the community.     
    • Rockster
      You deepthroat so good that you get all kinds of mouth-to-skin-of-base contact? Kudos to you, but that is extremely rare. 

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.