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thedudeabides

could use some advice

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thedudeabides

Hey all.

So, to start from the beginning, 2 years ago I started dating this girl Chris. 6 months in she tells me that she has herpes. At that point it was sortof in for a penny in for a pound. She was on antiviral meds, hasn't had a breakout in 5 years or so (7ish now unless she had one recently), and I loved her, so I dealt with it.

well, we broke up a few months ago, and now I am really not sure what to do. I haven't had any symptoms (which is good) but I've also avoided sleeping with anyone since we broke up because I really don't want to infect anyone (bad). I can't afford a bloodtest, but eventually I am going to meet someone that I really want to sleep with.

I know that the right thing to do is to just tell them all about it, but explaining on the first few dates how you may or may not have herpes seems like a sure fire way to stay celibate and alone. Any advice would be helpful. At the moment there is a girl Im interested in, but I've really been slow playing the situation, and I don't know how long I can do that and still keep her interest.

-Rob

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Xanetea

First things first.... you have to get tested. You don't say where you're from, but check out free health clinics in your area. I can't see having "The Talk" with someone when you've had no symptoms and don't know for sure. Personally I would obstain till I knew for sure. But that's just my choice. Good Luck.

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new2hsv2

You can be with someone without being infected. It is possible that you do not have it. The only way to know for sure is to be tested -- several months after the last exposure.

As for starting a new relationship prior to be tested. I guess the best thing to do would be to be honest and say that you were with someone that was positive, but it has been X amount of time since you were with her and that you have never had any symptoms but have also NOT had a test to confirm that you are clean.

Good Luck!

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Butterfly of the Moment

I know you said you don't have money but I would save up. There are labs you can go to and get tested and get the results in 3 days or less. At the most it would cost 150. I wouldn't speak too soon especially since you may not have it. If saving up takes time hold off on the sexual intimacy until you can afford testing.

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iosguru

Hi thedude.

I feel your pain so to speak but consider this...what if you do have this, you dont get tested, you go ahead with this woman and things are going great but you eventually give it to her? Would you tell her at that point that you were concerned you might have it way back when but decided not to get tested?

I understand the money situation, maybe look at it like this...instead of 1, 2 or 3 dates with this woman save that money for the test.

Telling someone is not easy but it also doesn't mean they will be done with you. No doubt some will. I started hanging around with someone back in September but was concerned I had this so I measured things out, in October I found out and told her...she hasn't stopped hanging around - she is concerned and not sure she wants to take the risk which I respect.

My advice is to get tested ASAP, not to tell her until you know the results of the test and not to sleep with her until you know. If the test comes back negative you can consider whether you still share or not and if you do you can say look this happened, i've been tested and am negative. If the test comes out positive I would really encourage you to have the talk before having anything else. I like sex as much as the next guy but I respect my partners more than my sexual appetite.

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    • WilsoInAus
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    • RainyDay2
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      Herpes is not some default magic rabbit that comes out of the hat and makes sense out of the irrational.
    • MikeIke
      @RainyDay2 i am about to pull out the big bht guns. Hey if i can get rid of the symptoms forever and never blow positive, ill take it. My other thought was hpv but i know i was exposed. The last clinician i saw definitely thought my lip things looked herpetic and sajd she's seen urethral herpes before too.    Igg can be forever negative in some, i have heard hsv1 has less accuracy with igg
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