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Herpes saved my life.

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Hello my fellow Christians!

My name is Stephanie. I am going to explain a little about my life and how finding out I had the herpes virus may have saved my life.

I grew up like many people in a broken home. My father was a child molester and although he came around every so often, my mother would not leave him alone with me. She told me to watch out for him and that he may try to touch me. I never had a positive male in my life. Long story short....I learned at a young age that through being sexually attractive, males will give you positive attention. Heck...even my own father thought that way, so how could it be wrong? I wore make up, skimpy clothing, and loved the "positive attention" I received from men. I had had oral at 13 and lost my virginity by 14. My mother moved my 19 year old boyfriend in with us when I was 14 and he was 19. I continued being promiscuous and desiring validation from men for my entire young life. I did drugs, drank, and my life spiraled out of control. I became a mother at 19 and although I am and was a very good mother I would still leave her with her father or my mother 1-2 days a week and seek attention from men.

I was never raised in a faithful household, however, I learned to pray at a very young age. I would go out with friends, have sex with a guy I liked and when he didn't call, and I felt used and left wondering why he did not love me, I always turned to God. I always prayed. I felt as though he was the only person I could turn to even though I was sure he hated me for what I was doing and how I was acting.

Years later at 22 I met a man and slept with him the first time meeting him. We continued to sleep together for weeks and I found out I was pregnant the same day I found out he had been cheating on me. I got laid off from my job, my car broke down, I lost my job and moved into a homeless shelter. My life hit an all time low. I eventually moved into my own place and got my life back in order. I only went out maybe 4 times a year but I always used it as an opportunity to get the attention I was craving. I couldnt help it. I needed men to want me, I wanted them to love me, I thought sleeping with them would make them love me. I would always wake up the next morning, go home, and cry all day long. I would pray to God to help me find a way to stop my behavior, to be happy with myself, by myself. I wanted to be a good example for my children. I wanted God to love me. No matter how hard I prayed I continued to be destructive to myself.

Just last October and December I slept with two men. I had my first herpes outbreak and I was diagnosed with Type 1 and 2 herpes through a blood test. I was crushed. I prayed...I cried, I was scared. I asked the Lord why he would allow this to happen? I was angry....but most of all scared. I couldn't believe I could have an STD. Me? How? My self esteem hit an all time low. I was severely depressed. I always knew I was worthless....every man I had sex with and didn't love me let me know that through their actions, my father let me know that, every man in my life let me know that. Now no one would want me. A mother of 2 children, and I was herpes positive. No Way. No one would want me. I was sure of it.

Then it dawned on me. If I had herpes......what else might I have contracted......I was terrified!! What if I had Aids!!??? What about my children? What would they do without me? I loved them more then life itself and the thought that my actions could effect them and leave them without a mother? I was terrified. I went to a clinic that provided rapid testing for hiv/aids and I bawled the entire time I waited for the results. I was sooo scared. The clinician came in and told me I was negative for hiv/aids. I cried and we hugged each other so tight. I never wanted to let her go. I loved her for those words at that moment. I wanted to run home and hug my babies. I felt that I was the luckiest person alive and that herpes couldn't stop me. I was WONDER WOMEN!

Soon after I went to my Dr. and told her about my herpes and asked her to test me and do a pap test to check for other stds as well as cervical cancer due to any possible hpv. Yet again I was scared but for the first time in my life, I was prepared, I was confident, I felt like I was in control. I left that office feeling as though I did the right thing.

Today I got my test results and I had a normal pap test and I am free of any other stds that we know of.

The biggest thing that Herpes made me do was take stock of my life. I was forced to wake up to what I was doing and evaluate who I am. I am no longer dating or having sex. I am abstaining from sex and I have positive male friendships that are not based on their attraction towards me but on my personality and our similar interests. When I do start to date, I will take it very slow, I am not going to have sex till I am married because that feels right to me, and I will be close enough to them that I feel comfortable telling them I have herpes when the time is right.

Right now, I am concentrating on my children, I am going to college this fall, I am really living. My life no longer revolves around men and what they think but on my Lord Jesus Christ and my relationship with him. I prayed so much to the Lord asking him to help me change my life, help me turn it around and I felt like he wasnt listening. No matter how hard I prayed and wanted to stop what I was doing, I just couldn't. I could have ended up pregnant again, I could have contracted Aids/hiv, I could have gotten hpv which could cause cancer...but I didnt. I got Herpes. I don't know.... Maybe.....just maybe.....God knew herpes would save my life.

Thank you for reading this and I hope any of you who are leading a destructive life can find comfort in your relationship with Christ and through something as bad as finding out you have herpes can make you feel lucky. It could always be worse. Take this as a wake up call to really know your relationships and value yourself because God loves you more than you could ever imagine no matter what you do or who you are.

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Some tmes the answers to our prayers come by something very hard. I know that having herpes has made me take better care of myself and to not worry about things. I have put a lot of pressure on myself, being a mother of 5 children. I was raised much like you, but I was molested by my dad. My mom let me start dating when I was 13. She just wanted to be rid of me. I moved out when I was 16 and married when I was 17. I got saved a year later and life has never been the same. I was not even in love when I married, but I was just looking for a way out. But God put a love in my heart for my husband. We have always been best friends, but I just didn't love him. But I love him more now than anyone else on this earth. God really did a work in my life and he'll do it for anyone who will let him. Sex does belong within the bonds of marriage and that is not just for some, but it is a command from God. I did not wait until marriage to have sex but we have taught our kids that.

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Everything you have said here really resonates with me.

I came out of a relationship i'd been in since I was 14. 14-22 this was the only man I'd slept with. I ended it because I thought I was ready for a new chapter in my life.

I quickly got into the habit of sleeping with men who I didn't know so well. It would literally only take me one or two dates to sleep with them. I felt crap when they didn't ring as you did, and I felt crap when they stopped chasing me. I got the flu in August last year, and then the herpes came in September. I was devestated. I kept saying to myself, 'i'm sure even prostitutes don't have this bad luck, I know friends who are far worse than me'. That was just the point!!! I was starting to behave like a prostitute, only a prostitute who is so stupid that they don't take money. How awful. In comparison to a lot of people my sexual partners aren't so numerous....but still.....it was getting that way.

When I thought it couldn't get any worse, I got genital warts too. So thats HSV and HPV for me at the age of 23. I suddenly sat up and realised...oh my god....I could also have been at risk of AIDS/HIV. I got a full screen and was clear about 2 months ago. Sometimes I am still paranoid that I've got something. When i'm down I think 'maybe the tests were wrong, maybe I have got HIV'. (No rapid testing in the UK, and they say it takes 3 months to show up, and you need a test again at six). I am still so frightened to go for my 6 month test, even though I am aware it will probably be clear.

In some ways herpes has saved my life too. How long would I have continued on that path of self destruction? I swear that I will never sleep with anyone until they can prove their sexual history to me.

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Reply to....

"When I thought it couldn't get any worse, I got genital warts too. So thats HSV and HPV for me at the age of 23. I suddenly sat up and realised...oh my god....I could also have been at risk of AIDS/HIV. I got a full screen and was clear about 2 months ago. Sometimes I am still paranoid that I've got something. When i'm down I think 'maybe the tests were wrong, maybe I have got HIV'. (No rapid testing in the UK, and they say it takes 3 months to show up, and you need a test again at six). I am still so frightened to go for my 6 month test, even though I am aware it will probably be clear."

When I get down, I think the same things about hiv/aids. I had a rapid test almost exactly 3 months after my last partner and I have yet to get the 6 months test. The probability is that it will come out negative yet I think we have a tendency to get down on ourselves. It is so easy to go through life with the thought that "it won't happen to me" but then when we contract something like hpv or hsv, we realize that it CAN happen to us. Just remember when you are at a low that you can always come on here for support. We are always here for you even if you just want to vent away your feelings in the forum. Don't allow negative thoughts get you down. No matter what you have, you are God's daughter and he loves you so very much!! You are worth the life he gave you and there is no price we can put on life....so that makes you priceless honey:)

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Thanks for that reply it was really helpful.

I think i'm generally run down at the moment, but everything in my mind is HIV lol. I have chest pains, sometimes feel a lot of mucus in my throat, pains in my body and tingles....and it's all definitely AIDS or some immune system disease if you ask me about it on a down day. I'm so paranoid it's untrue. I think this is somethine which is gonna be healed by time but not anything else!

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  • 4 weeks later...

Seeking a Cure

Hi Guys

Your stories touch my heart. I am glad you guys are alright. Before I read these posts I was feeling like God was punishing me for the bad things I done. I ask myself" Why me? I need to keep faith that God will see us through these difficult times. I lost my mother about four years ago. I feel like I lost my best friend. I am dealing with so much. I told myself that I will fall in love and meet someone who will accept me. If she was alive will love me unconditional. My teenage daughter knows about my current situation. She love me uncondtional. I feel like I am in a nightmare and I just want to wake up. My friend tells me that God was giving a wake up call. Maybe he did. I am not having sex unless my partner prove his status to me. I am HIV negative and want to stay that way. I need to live for me and my daughter. I am working on my Masters in Mental Health Science.

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  • 6 months later...
  • 4 months later...

thanks for your message. i am also a christian and I am fighting this demon everyday. How do you start over? I go to bed with this on my mind and wake up with it on my mind. How do I start over I have been praying, but sometimes I feel like God is so far away

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