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besides condoms what else is safe?

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so, here it is. I am gay. My boyfriend knows I have genital Herpes. The trouble with our intimacy is that doesn't quite know what to do with me, and our sex life.

He realizes that I need to wear a condom if he is going to perform oral sex on me. The burning question that I have is this: can he touch my penis without fear of transmission? I feel that he is a afraid of that whole area of mine,

and I want to give him a correct and educated/evidence based answer. I have had very few outbreaks, perhaps 1 a year, and have had genital herpes for

greater than 10 years. I also decided to take suppressive therapy. Everything I read doesn't really address such a question. please help. I want us to have a meaningful sex life, but I don't want to jeopardize his health. Would love to hear from anyone who can offer me some guidance. thank you

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With suppressive meds, condoms and abstaining from sexual activity when you have any symptoms, the risk to your boyfriend is about 1% annually.

I'm careful about the whole genital region but my boyfriend isn't that afraid of herpes. He doesn't have it in any form and I take suppressive meds. We decided not to use condoms anymore and I tell him when I have symptoms and we abstain from sex, the risk is only raised to about 2.5% annually of him getting it. The info is from the CDC, I have done my research and so has my boyfriend. Maybe suggest your boyfriend doing some research or you two can do it together.

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Hey there,

That is a great question - did you ever find out the answer to it? I'm just newly diagnosed and haven't been intimate with anyone since then and am afraid of what I can and can't do with another guy. Any help you have would be greatly appreciated.


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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

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    • Burty
      Coming back to report that after vaccinations in May and July, today I have one vesicle. Called the doctor and will report back later. Slightly pessimistic at this point. 
    • Cariad
      I think I need to treat this as an ocd thought (that I've got herpes) and not check myself compulsively, not seek constant reassurance from doctors and the internet, just try and forget about it. Re disclosure, I would tell future partners that i could have hsv but I don't know, all the visual examinations and tests I've had have come back negative but there's still a possibility that i have herpes. Then they can decide whether to take the risk. I always assume someone is positive for everything unless there are tests to prove otherwise. I don't do casual relationships so always get a full sexual health screening with my new partner so we can both be safe. But they could have herpes and not know as it's not routinely checked for. It's a risk for all parties involved. I spoke to herpes.org.uk helpline and Marion told me that blood tests are routinely bringing up false positives/negatives and that having the virus doesn't predict when and where you're going to have an ob. I therefore wouldn't trust the result of the test and would be repeatedly getting tested, as I did when my hiv ocd was really bad. That was a hugely stressful and anxious time and I don't want to go through that again!! Especially for a virus that can't kill you!! So I think I'm going to have to live with the uncertainty of having herpes obs and avoid sexual contact whenever I feel sore down below if/when I'm in a relationship.  Being on this forum is just exacerbating my Ocd, so I think that I should stop posting as it's reassurance-seeking. Wishing you all the best and thank you all for your help, advice and support. Remember - it's just a virus that billions of people have and doesn't make us dirty or unworthy of love or a good life. Stay safe and well xx
    • WilsoInAus
      And I’ll help you up until the second coming. I think this is an unhealthy dose of imaginitis as far as herpes is concerned. Wouldn’t you agree?
    • WilsoInAus
      Yes man that’s correct. I mean we don’t really want more people in the delusional room with mirrors that see nothing, do we?
    • WilsoInAus
      There’s nothing visually or in what you describe that is suggestive of herpes. See your doctor if you have concerns, there’s plenty of things on the list of possibilities here.

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