Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  
beachbabe

feeling trapped~

Recommended Posts

beachbabe

It's been a very hard few months for me.

i have avoided the site... my journal.. anything that forces me to try to deal with having hsv2.

i am naturally a very happy outgoing & very bubbly person.

i have been trying to stay that way~

guess what i'm trying to say is.. finally.. i think i can say a little of how i feel.. so hear goes.

friends tell me to keep my head up.. to stay strong, to know its really not that big of a deal.

they say at least it's not worse.

true.. all very true!

being 23... knowing that i am a very flirtatious person.. (not to say i sleep around or anything like that)

but i do enjoy flirting..

i can't seem to get past the thought .. if i kiss a guy.. it will only lead to what i can't even bare the thought of telling them.

so i have shutdown.. i'm afraid to date..

i don't want to lead guys on.. yet i'm hella lonely.

i say i only want friendship to every guy.. but really im just hella terrified of having that wonderful convo & watching them leave. :(

how do i get past this?

how do i accept myself again?

how can i expect anyone else to except me.. if i can't even except myself???:madd:

it makes me so bitter to know that because of one guy.. that i trusted.. that told me he was clean.. promised... ruined my life~

i know those are strong words.. so many of my friends say not to use them..

but truly.. it's how i feel at the moment..

please i'm asking for help..

if anyone can help me see the light it would be great :flowers:

i feel like i'm faking happiness right now..

that's so not me...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lavendered

I am the same way... I am on a dating site (I was on before being diagnosed) and have turned down (or off!) the flirting that I normally do for fear of leading anyone on and then having to disclose this.

I was looking forward to dating and playing the field a bit, but H doesn't allow you to do that... with a conscience, at least. I am focusing on trying to find someone compatible that I can see myself with long-term (H+ or H-), because short of finding other H+ people to fool around with, I just don't see that happening.

I will admit to having a hard time sleeping. I have been dating a couple of guys (no sex, of course!) and I think my subconscious is worried about telling them, because that's all I can think about. I'm past the "my life is over" stage and onto the "I don't want to be rejected because I have this" stage.

But if they're interested, they'll deal with it. If not, too bad. Life throws curveballs at us all the time and as stigmatic as this seems, it's really a pretty benign little condition.

If you meet someone that you really like and they have a hard time coming to terms with your diagnosis (I don't blame them; pre-herpes, I would have run quickly away! Then again, I didn't know much about it), suggest that they have a blood test. It's entirely possible that they're one of the estimated 20-25% of people that have herpes and don't even know it.

Just last week I felt like I wanted to go on anti-depressants. This week has been a bit brighter, thankfully. Things will look up for you soon.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
package deal

What you are feeling is normal reaction. You just learned you have Herpies it takes a little time to adjust.Take time out for now, there is no hurry. take time to grieve get angry to get use to this

then when you feel your ready you can date again. I know how you are feeling I felt the same way and so did everyone else here has. But they have overcomed it and in time so will you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Jewel

Wow! I have felt the same way. I didn't even want to join a Herpes site myself.

At work I'm known as the nicest girl, the sweetest girl, the hardest working girl. I'm known for being outgoing and happy. That was before the Herpes diagnosis. After, the Herpes Diagnosis, I've had to tone down the flirting and I must of turned away at least 7 guys right now from work that want to date me. Some of them are bitter and don't understand why I am saying no to them. I've been more quiet and more standoffish. I don't want to attract attention from the guys because I know damn well if they knew I had herpes that they woundn't touch me anyway. I'm much older so it's okay for me. I've had my time. Now I plan on spending the rest of my life- boyfriend and sex free. I'm done with this. I just want to be left alone and have some peace. I just trying to reinvent my new life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Stellar1777

I feel this way as well, even though I just received the blood tests back yesterday. Even though I don't have outbreaks, I still feel dirty and pretty much like a leper. I don't think that anyone will want me ever again, either. I'm starting a great graduate program and moving across the country, and this just came as a shock that has deadened a bit of what should be an exciting transition. I don't want this to get worse and spiral into some kind of depression.

Herpes is just a normal, common virus. that's what I've been saying to myself for 24 hours, and what I'm going to keep saying to myself. I have a friend doing her residency to become a doctor and I called to ask her some questions and she just said, "yeah, it sucks. But I see drugs for it in people's charts all the time, in all kinds of people--60 year old women, 25 year old men. It's sooo common" she stressed to me. People who don't have it might freak out about it because they don't understand it, but that doesn't change the fact that it's totally normal and commonplace.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
RealisticGal
I feel this way as well, even though I just received the blood tests back yesterday. Even though I don't have outbreaks, I still feel dirty and pretty much like a leper. I don't think that anyone will want me ever again, either. I'm starting a great graduate program and moving across the country, and this just came as a shock that has deadened a bit of what should be an exciting transition. I don't want this to get worse and spiral into some kind of depression.

Like withbaggage said, you are all feeling the normal reaction to this news. Almost everyone with a diagnosis of herpes goes through a period of thinking (and deciding) they will never have intimacy again. Most get past that (according to the ASHA).

Here's a good article that should help you see that, and, also, that things do get much better.

http://www.health.com/health/condition-article/0,,20189614,00.html

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

Advertisement

Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.