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divineresponse

Herpes positive for a year, a painful long year

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divineresponse

I am a girl in her younger 20's, I am very afraid to even be writing in a safe room to the sheer fact some one will know I have this virus. It happened exactly one year ago, last summer. I had always been a little out there in my sex life, I had risked unsafe sex plenty of times but sadly when I got my first outbreak, it had been two weeks after I had a full STD screening done and everything was negative. I thanked God so much, I knew I had messed up my life by sleeping around and I promised myself I would change my ways. After that I changed for about a week, then I went back to my old partying sleeping around habits. I was not 21 yet, so I really was just being a dumb young girl with no parent figures to stop me or good friends. I had taken up the practice of making the men wear condoms, I had slept with only one guy actually after being tested and he wore a condom. I knew him sort of it was just a random bored summer night at his house. Right before I left he slipped his penis back in me with out a condom, and that is the moment everything in my life changed for ever. A week later I got a very painful sore, which turned into several I was in denial until I finally couldn't stand the pain and told my mother what I suspected. I cried so hard every night, and went to the doctors the next day. The Dr. said it did look like herpes type 2, and took samples. I was given time off of work and medicine to help it go away. I know we can't turn back time but I later found out it was a known fact in the city I live in that the man I slept with did have herpes, and from that day on I will never forgive him for doing this to me.

After the tests, they said it came back negative. In my mind I thought I was free, like what- a fluke! But it never left my mind, though no outbreaks I found myself as an unloveable person, and I began doing very unhealthy things. I started doing an over abundance of painkiller drugs, I got my own apartment to live alone in, and I would get high all of the time and cry thinking I would never find a man to love me I was so young, how do I explain this to anyone ? I was known as the pretty girl who loved to be seen, now thanks to rumors I was the ugly girl with a disease and a drug problem. I had outbreaks after but I have not gone back to the doctor to be re-checked. I know I have herpes, because that is exactly what it is, but I think reading it on a peice of paper would break my heart. I had a lot of outbreaks the first 10 months, I think it was the way I was drinking and taking medicine. I became so deppressed I stopped leaving my house, I moved 3000 miles away and I tried killing myself. It did not work, thank GOD. I became very humble, and realized I can not base my life upon what people will think of me because of a disease I have. I will be 22 this year, and I am so scared of the truth still. IT has been a year and some months, but I still can't accept my own truth.

I am okay with the disease, I can live with myself, but it is the problem right now that I don't know what the hell to do with. I am seeing a guy for about a month, we have been friends for three. The rumors of my herpes had spread to him and he asked me if I had it, I lied and said no hell no. In my mind I redeem my thoughts by thinking I never saw a medical file saying I had. We had sex for the first time two nights ago, with a condom of course. The condom broke. I pray to god he does not contract anything from me, I am not showing any signs of an outbreak, but in my mind I am thinking, lets say my prayers go far and he is not affectd, how do I approach him to tell him I have this ? We are both young, and I will be a liar and I will be diseased. I don't see it plausible of him staying with me, and this is what happens every time I am in a relationship. I am so afraid of what I will hear back that I end it before its ever begun, but this one I don't want to let go of so easy.

What do I do?

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joiedevivre100

Get Yourself Tested

1. For an official diagnosis of HSV

2. Hell the condom broke you may have caught something else.

3. Tell him about the results of 1 and 2

4. Don't sleep with him again until you do #3

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Luisa

Hi divineresponse!

I'm new to this. learned about it when i broke out a month ago. I could relate to how you felt. I am recently single and after that I found myself intimate with a friend. I'm still not sure if I got it from my friend or my ex. Since research shows that you may be infected a long time before you break out. Some don't break out at all.

Anyway, here's my thought on you post. Perhaps you should abstain from being intimate with your guy up unitl the time that you find the courage to tell him the truth. If he rejects you then he's not worth your time. (someone with HSV2 told me this a week ago) Now that you've slept with him, I believe you owe him the truth. I know it's easier said than done. I would be so confused if I were in your position and I'm sure I would need to hear this from someone as well. Take your time, prayers help most times. If he really is your friend and cares enough about you he would listen and perhaps ask more questions instead of rejecting and loathing you. be ready if he gets furious. At least you cared enough to admit it to him. I'll pray for you that this turns out well. You may take my advice or not. Do remember you can always post here or PM me if you need anyone to talk to. Good luck Divine!

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divineresponse

Thank you

It has been a couple days since my post, it is eating me up inside. I am on my period so there is no way I can be tested right now =( . I Want to be tested ASAP and tell him the truth. We grew up together, we have the same friends. He has a good heart, but if he is infected and believes I did this on purpose I am so afraid he will make sure no one forgets to hear it. He is an amazing guy, but at the same time he is only 21 years old. I know in my heart once he knows the truth he will back out of what we have, due to ignorance and sex drive. I don't know it for a fact I can just feel it in my heart, and I do pray he is not infected but I feel as if I am going through a break up because not only do I have to be tested, see the obvious but put my emotions and heart out to be smashed.

Thank you all for your kind words, I Wish I could stop thinking about it every minute of every day =(

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Luisa

Hi Divine,

You can also join the livechat. Honestly, I used to not join chatrooms because I thought chatrooms are for shallow people. But ever since my diagnosis a month ago, and found this site out of desperation, (i had no one to talk to) the site and its chatroom has helped me a lot. The people who chat there are smart, educated people, and they're all very supportive, you'll hear no judgment or anything. you can ask the people there anything you want. I joined in a couple of days ago, we talk about anything there, about H, food, places, jokes, gosh even personality tests. yesterday most of us took the meyers-briggs personality test online. So funny. All i'm saying is, I think it's very inspiring to hear from people who've had H for a long time and seem to be doing fine (if not great) at this point. ;)

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babygg47

i think it is best to be take a while before becoming intimate and then to first let your partner know. If he leaves, that's better than for him to find out later and resent you

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      Oh, sorry, I think the catchy title I used was very misleading. And I didn't intend that. I put 'miracle cure' as air quotes because I don't actually think I've discovered a true cure. I mean, I still can get outbreaks, the virus is obviously still there. I like to at least think I'm not that arrogant or naive. 🙄 I had not definitively said anything for a couple reasons, including that I don't prefer making overly definitive statements to things I don't know.  And I was more talking with regard to what you were saying in your second paragraph in your most recent reply, whether tissue absorption had any additional effect to simple topical application. So, hopefully that's cleared up. But it is effectively a functional cure for me. In so far as I've gone from permanent outbreaks to one maybe every... 8ish months? I barely remember I have it.  And the point is that the virus has really impacted some people's lives. To the point where they take crazy--high risk--'treatments' or think about self harm. And if some other people can get the relief I've gotten from something so stupidly simple, I want them to be able to have that too. Especially given that the risk-reward ratio is--in my opinion at least--very favourable. I mean, its like literally 20-30 seconds of isopropyl alcohol a day. If it doesn't do jack for you in two weeks, move on--y'know? But I assume if it acts a particular way for me, it will likely act that way for at least someone else. And that could really change someone's life... Like it did mine.  Cheers, 
    • Cas9
      @TerribleAtUserNames OK, you need to understand the science. Alcohol does not seep into a nerve cell and kill the latent virus; That's a scientific fact. So you don't need to worry about checking. All the alcohol does is kill the virus on the skin surface. Whether it gets a little deeper in the skin layers and kills virus better than soap and water, I can't say for sure. Obviously, popping a blister and using alcohol will have a more drying effect than soap and water. The bottom line is that killing a herpes virus is easy when it's outside the nerve cell. Killing it in a nerve cell is difficult because anything that gets into the cell and kills the virus (breaking up it's dna), must not also damage the cell's dna. You need a smart bomb to do that. That's what gene editing is. It is programmed to have the ability to cut out dna segments specific to the virus without touching the cells dna. You have this image of the cell as a container and the alcohol just pours into it and kills the virus. If that was the case, it would destroy the cell's dna also. Cells are living things that have receptors on their cellular surface. Anything that gets into that cell, must have the protein that matches with one of the cell's receptors (like a key to a lock), which in turn causes the cell to let the substance enter. That's one method of how something gets in a cell. Do you honestly think that in all the decades that great scientific minds have tried to tackle this problem, that they simply missed your alcohol cure? C'mon man!!!      
    • dont quit!17
      That would be nice to have as an option. 
    • dont quit!17
      The momentum slowed down, when that forum member asked for a timeline. That is the last thing we should be asking. That's pretty frustrating. 
    • TerribleAtUserNames
      Hey everyone, thanks for responding! So you know, I updated the original post with negative effects I've experienced with alcohol as treatment, so feel free to check that out if you're curious.  Now, to what you guys were saying...    MaxTX: I actually use alcohol as my disinfectant of choice for most wounds. And sutiability seems to vary based on the type of alcohol used (says the internet). That being said, you are right apparently--but this isn't about the best wound treatment method. Its about stopping outbreaks. Regardless, I suspect the deleterious effects are fairly minor if you're trying to disinfect most wounds, but that's totally my personal opinion.  None the less, I'd suggest giving it a shot for outbreak prevention. It certainly works for me, hopefully it will for you too. And compared to taking an experimental vaccine or something like that, wouldn't this be easy and super low risk to try? Also if you google 'herpes' and 'alcohol' you can find a number of hits suggesting its use as a disinfectant for the sores.   Tired of Waiting: I'm sorry, it was a long time ago that I read her talking about it. But from what I remember, she was talking about wiping down there with alcohol, and how it helped with her outbreaks. I remember her also saying it burned like a mofo at first, but eventually became kinda second nature. I don't know what type of alcohol she used, sorry. Again, if you're concerned, maybe ask your doctor about safety? Like I said, isopropyl has worked well for me. I actually do use it before sex for that reason, back when I was having sex that is. Across 3 partners used with, no known infections--but given that I have hsv 1, and like 50-60% of the population is infected already, but only 10% present with symptoms, that could mean nothing. Unfortunately, I'm not a doctor, and certainly not one that has researched this scientifically, so I can't give you a firm answer for transmission prevention during sex. Personally, I'm confident in at least isopropyl alcohol's herpes killing abilities, even if just topically. For better or worse, real or imagined (but I suspect real), I let myself relax a lot more when using it before sex.  And then again after sex, for my own sake, hahaha, as I'm not overly keen on risking anything else. However, even this is something to consult a doctor about--I feel like there is conflicting information on whether it can be helpful post coitus, or whether it can actually increase the risk of getting an sti vs. simply washing. Imo, do some research and ask a physician to confirm or deny what you've learned.   Cas9: Soap and water never worked anywhere close to as well for me. Soap and water still meant permanent outbreak. So I suspect the alcohol is doing much more. I should clarify though, that I do actually dilligently use soap and water as well--the whole regular bathing thing 😁 I know you suggested to Tired of Waiting that it wouldn't affect outbreak frequency or the latent virus. I can't obviously check my own latent virus levels, but yes I can still get outbreaks if I stop using the alcohol. However I can, indeed, use it as a prophylactic for outbreaks, and it does prevent me from getting them the vast majority of the time. Perhaps because that kind of tissue is more absorbent or something? Or perhaps when topically applied the alcohol is significantly more potent and herpes unfriendly--which I believe really is also the case from what I've read. I know though that I can't discontinue alcohol treatment for more than 6ish days (my limit so far) without flaring up again. And with twice daily showers, that would strongly imply that soap and water is really not helping the same way.  Cheers, guys! 
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