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divineresponse

Herpes positive for a year, a painful long year

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divineresponse

I am a girl in her younger 20's, I am very afraid to even be writing in a safe room to the sheer fact some one will know I have this virus. It happened exactly one year ago, last summer. I had always been a little out there in my sex life, I had risked unsafe sex plenty of times but sadly when I got my first outbreak, it had been two weeks after I had a full STD screening done and everything was negative. I thanked God so much, I knew I had messed up my life by sleeping around and I promised myself I would change my ways. After that I changed for about a week, then I went back to my old partying sleeping around habits. I was not 21 yet, so I really was just being a dumb young girl with no parent figures to stop me or good friends. I had taken up the practice of making the men wear condoms, I had slept with only one guy actually after being tested and he wore a condom. I knew him sort of it was just a random bored summer night at his house. Right before I left he slipped his penis back in me with out a condom, and that is the moment everything in my life changed for ever. A week later I got a very painful sore, which turned into several I was in denial until I finally couldn't stand the pain and told my mother what I suspected. I cried so hard every night, and went to the doctors the next day. The Dr. said it did look like herpes type 2, and took samples. I was given time off of work and medicine to help it go away. I know we can't turn back time but I later found out it was a known fact in the city I live in that the man I slept with did have herpes, and from that day on I will never forgive him for doing this to me.

After the tests, they said it came back negative. In my mind I thought I was free, like what- a fluke! But it never left my mind, though no outbreaks I found myself as an unloveable person, and I began doing very unhealthy things. I started doing an over abundance of painkiller drugs, I got my own apartment to live alone in, and I would get high all of the time and cry thinking I would never find a man to love me I was so young, how do I explain this to anyone ? I was known as the pretty girl who loved to be seen, now thanks to rumors I was the ugly girl with a disease and a drug problem. I had outbreaks after but I have not gone back to the doctor to be re-checked. I know I have herpes, because that is exactly what it is, but I think reading it on a peice of paper would break my heart. I had a lot of outbreaks the first 10 months, I think it was the way I was drinking and taking medicine. I became so deppressed I stopped leaving my house, I moved 3000 miles away and I tried killing myself. It did not work, thank GOD. I became very humble, and realized I can not base my life upon what people will think of me because of a disease I have. I will be 22 this year, and I am so scared of the truth still. IT has been a year and some months, but I still can't accept my own truth.

I am okay with the disease, I can live with myself, but it is the problem right now that I don't know what the hell to do with. I am seeing a guy for about a month, we have been friends for three. The rumors of my herpes had spread to him and he asked me if I had it, I lied and said no hell no. In my mind I redeem my thoughts by thinking I never saw a medical file saying I had. We had sex for the first time two nights ago, with a condom of course. The condom broke. I pray to god he does not contract anything from me, I am not showing any signs of an outbreak, but in my mind I am thinking, lets say my prayers go far and he is not affectd, how do I approach him to tell him I have this ? We are both young, and I will be a liar and I will be diseased. I don't see it plausible of him staying with me, and this is what happens every time I am in a relationship. I am so afraid of what I will hear back that I end it before its ever begun, but this one I don't want to let go of so easy.

What do I do?

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joiedevivre100

Get Yourself Tested

1. For an official diagnosis of HSV

2. Hell the condom broke you may have caught something else.

3. Tell him about the results of 1 and 2

4. Don't sleep with him again until you do #3

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Luisa

Hi divineresponse!

I'm new to this. learned about it when i broke out a month ago. I could relate to how you felt. I am recently single and after that I found myself intimate with a friend. I'm still not sure if I got it from my friend or my ex. Since research shows that you may be infected a long time before you break out. Some don't break out at all.

Anyway, here's my thought on you post. Perhaps you should abstain from being intimate with your guy up unitl the time that you find the courage to tell him the truth. If he rejects you then he's not worth your time. (someone with HSV2 told me this a week ago) Now that you've slept with him, I believe you owe him the truth. I know it's easier said than done. I would be so confused if I were in your position and I'm sure I would need to hear this from someone as well. Take your time, prayers help most times. If he really is your friend and cares enough about you he would listen and perhaps ask more questions instead of rejecting and loathing you. be ready if he gets furious. At least you cared enough to admit it to him. I'll pray for you that this turns out well. You may take my advice or not. Do remember you can always post here or PM me if you need anyone to talk to. Good luck Divine!

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divineresponse

Thank you

It has been a couple days since my post, it is eating me up inside. I am on my period so there is no way I can be tested right now =( . I Want to be tested ASAP and tell him the truth. We grew up together, we have the same friends. He has a good heart, but if he is infected and believes I did this on purpose I am so afraid he will make sure no one forgets to hear it. He is an amazing guy, but at the same time he is only 21 years old. I know in my heart once he knows the truth he will back out of what we have, due to ignorance and sex drive. I don't know it for a fact I can just feel it in my heart, and I do pray he is not infected but I feel as if I am going through a break up because not only do I have to be tested, see the obvious but put my emotions and heart out to be smashed.

Thank you all for your kind words, I Wish I could stop thinking about it every minute of every day =(

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Luisa

Hi Divine,

You can also join the livechat. Honestly, I used to not join chatrooms because I thought chatrooms are for shallow people. But ever since my diagnosis a month ago, and found this site out of desperation, (i had no one to talk to) the site and its chatroom has helped me a lot. The people who chat there are smart, educated people, and they're all very supportive, you'll hear no judgment or anything. you can ask the people there anything you want. I joined in a couple of days ago, we talk about anything there, about H, food, places, jokes, gosh even personality tests. yesterday most of us took the meyers-briggs personality test online. So funny. All i'm saying is, I think it's very inspiring to hear from people who've had H for a long time and seem to be doing fine (if not great) at this point. ;)

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babygg47

i think it is best to be take a while before becoming intimate and then to first let your partner know. If he leaves, that's better than for him to find out later and resent you

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      Having HSV-2 has not bothered me at all for casual sex. I'm just avoiding sex during outbreaks, on suppressive therapy and using condoms every time with casual partners. Since my outbreaks appear on top of my penis, even during an outbreak the risk is minimal if I put a condom on as soon as I take my underwear off.  I guess it might be a slightly different case for a girl as if you have external lesions around your groin you could still infect someone even using a condom. And of course, condoms can break, which has happened to me over 10 times and caused myself to get infected in the first place.  I see it as a much more difficult now having a serious relationship, because I can't feel much with a condom on and really want stop using them. However, I don't want to put my new girlfriend to any risk - I would feel terrible if I infected her. 
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      Does anyone have experience about people's reactions to Herpes in Asia? Personally I live in Thailand where I also caught the virus as a condom broke 4 years ago.  Unfortunately I infected my ex-girlfriend with HSV-2. This was just after I had caught the virus myself and we had sex before I noticed and realised what it was. In the beginning, a local doctor told me I have just hurt my foreskin with my jeans' zipper and the tests came as negative. After getting tested later it came as positive.  Anyways, my ex-gf (well educated, professional, 26 years old then) she had no idea what Herpes was in the first place. She didn't really care too much about it and didn't bother to get tested. During our 3 year relationship we kept having unprotected sex as usual and she never had any issues until at the end one day. She had a very minor outbreak once and nothing after that (lucky her, no like myself who gets terrible symptoms non-stop). I know she has a strong immune system, because she was never sick despite myself having bad colds quite often. In any case, she could not care less about this virus and didn't mind at all.

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    • Burty
      The full article is behind a paywall but you could write the the authors and request a copy.
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      The jury is still out as there needs to be additional experiments. Editas' results make me believe dosing was insufficient among other issues.
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      Wow interesting !! But how did they provide it to him !! I mean he is 27 years old !!
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