Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  
Lillith

Really long post sorry.

Recommended Posts

Lillith

This all started for me Easter weekend this year. I started to feel unwell and unusually for me took myself off to bed. Shortly after going to bed the pain started. My thighs hurt so bad that I was almost running whilst laying down in my bed and the pain in my head was excruciating. My temp kept spiking at 104 and nothing seemed to take away the pain. I'm not a skinny girl so all that running mixed with the temp spikes caused chaffing sores on the inside of my thighs. I decided to put a bath towel between my legs which seemed to help but of course that meant that I didn't even notice any blisters. I assumed the pain when urinating had been caused by me somehow doing soft tissue damage with the towel.

4 days later I was well enough to leave my bed where a doctor diagnosed over the phone that it was Flu. At this point the only outside help had been from the nhs phone service who said they were sending a doctor to see me but they never appeared. They had assumed from my description that it was flu.

A week on from this and fed up with having to pee like a downhill skiier I took a look and was amazed to see a blister. I immediately rang the doctors for an appointment and spent 74639486235427364 hrs online trying to work out what was wrong with me. Everything pointed to HSV-2 but it couldn't be. That didn't make any sense to me. So when the doctor a week later refered me to the local GUM clinic I still couldn't work out why I was there.

The doctor I saw at the GUM clinic was amazing. She saw me straight away and tested me for everything. She gave me medication which I took "just in case". I have had cold sores since my teens so was expecting it to be HSV-1. I was not ready for the call from her a week later explaining it was actually HSV-2.

I have spent the last few months trying to get my head around all this. I have gone from "why me?" to feeling guilty, dirty, angry in the space of a few minutes. I am terrified of another outbreak. I just don't understand why it's happening now. I have cried everyday and not had a full nights sleep in ages.

I have been with my partner for almost 5 years. We did split for a while but that was over 2 years ago. Everything I have read seems to point to symptoms showing shortly after exposure and neither of us has strayed since getting back together so why now? Was it simply that I was overdue on my B12 injection? Can it really have laid dormant all those years? If so how many years? What happens if I split from my partner? Will I ever be able to tell anyone outside my family? I have so many other questions too. I need answers that I know for some questions there simply isn't one.

I apologise for such a long post. Thank you for reading.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
RealisticGal

Sorry you are having so much anguish at the moment.

I've read stories here about folks who didn't have an identifiable outbreak until, literally, decades after the time they were most likely infected. So yeah, I think your case is plausible.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lillith

Thanks for your reply.

I am a bit of a mess atm. I just don't know what to do about it. I am at a point where I kinda need someone to blame. As I have absolutely no idea who passed this on to me and there is no way I am going to start randomly ringing up ppl from my past I have internallised it and made it all my fault. If only I had kept up to date with my B12 injection. If only I hadn't fallen for him in my past etc.

I also don't know if my current partner has it. They don't test for it here unless you have visible symptoms. Which means that now if he suddenly has any symptoms he can mentally blame me as I had them first. Plus since my diagnosis he has been distant and that just makes me feel even worse. I already feel dirty and him keeping away from me just reinforces those feelings.

I am lucky that it didn't even cross my mind not to tell my family what was happening. They were updated as I was via calls but I have no friends to talk to about it. If I did have any friends I don't think I could tell them anyway.

I never ever felt ashamed of my cold sores it was just something I got now and then thanks to my first outbreak when I was in my teens. But this feels so different. :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WarriorKing

This virus has been around since at least 2500 BC. It has been latching onto humans for all those years. This is nobody's fault. It is just another hurdle that some of us have had to go through in this life. This virus and many others hunt us.

I have carried HSV2 for about 32 years now. The symptoms usually get better within a year or two, and for some people they get better right away.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
wholesome

Like Mr Honest, I have carried this virus for many years. (24)

I am rather lucky in that my first outbreak (I think it was little worse than yours) was also my last. Even those people who have ongoing outbreaks say they become less frequent and less painful.

I caught it from my husband on my honeymoon. (He honestly did not know he had the virus.) You say medical care will not pay for a test without symptoms. Given your anxiety is there any he can have the test and either one of you pay for it privately?

If you both have it, in one way it's a relief, because you don't have to worry about transmitting it. If only you have it you want to discuss how to protect him, and his level of acceptable risk. His withdrawing could be confusion combined with fear. The general public knows so little about this bug and he was one of the general public until you acquired it. It might be a good idea if you tried to learn about the virus together. He might even wish to join this forum too. There are several partners of people with herpes here. He could get some advice and understanding of his own.

You're at the right place. Feel free to ask questions and to scream here. Someone will always try to answer your questions. We're here for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lillith

Thank you all so much for your replies. I am so glad I found this place.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
GntiNh

Good to see you in chat, lots of support there :flowers:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

Advertisement

Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      68,865
    • Total Posts
      460,706
  • Posts

×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.