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BetterDays

Im not Me anymore...

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BetterDays

This thing has taken me away from myself...all I've been thinking about is being gone.Dead....I couldn't actually do it,because I know it would ruin my Mom.Not to mention,being vaguely religious,I'd more than likely be in a much worse situation than I am now...but it doesn't comfort me at all...The idea of facing a life of this quality just kills me...I just don't see how I'll ever be happy again. I can't tell anyone,and they're all wondering what's wrong.One comfort is that I used to fear death...at least I can say that now I don't.I almost look forward to it.Everybody says not to let it win,but I guess it has to sometimes.

H-1,BD-0.

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hopeforthebest

Hang in there

I just wanted to say please hang in there.. we all have good days and bad ones and sometimes it feels like things will never be ok. I understand that. I was just diagnosed about 6 weeks ago... I wonder some days how to act or even remotely feel normal again and what that means at this point. The challenge is to not let this beat you ... you are an amazing and special and have things that only you can contribute and be that are your gifts in life. Each of us has them! We are all here for you and what you say or feel matters.. I can't tell you how many times/days i have simply spent hours and hours reading posts on this site to not feel alone and to get some perspective! We can get through this !! You can do it! There are people here and that care about YOU regardless of this stupid hsv crap!! Hang in there k!! much love...

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RealisticGal

Don't let this define you. Herpes is just a stupid, opportunistic virus --- no different from the flu or chicken pox in that respect. It is not who you are, nor has it changed you.

Only you can decide who you are. If you decide this will change you, it will be your own doing.

But there is no reason for you to go that way. You can still be the person you have always been, or even better.

Please read the links on the right side of this page under the heading: Life and Love. Pay special attention to the ones titled The Emotional Rollercoaster and Say NO to Depression.

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BetterDays

Thanks for the support...I wish it could help,and maybe it will...But I'm just being honest here: A life of isolation and loneliness just holds no value to me...part of me wants to be in denial,and just go about the life I was living,but that's not an option.Part of me wants to take.a mouthful of sleeping pills,or run a hose from the exhaust pipe and just leave this place,but there's no way I could put my family through that....I'm just living in an earthly purgatory...its not just H,but a bunch of other factors that have brought me to this...I'm going to continue,but not for myself....I should get a fucking Oscar for the act I put on.

I've told three very close and trusted friends of my situation,and as wonderful and supportive as they are,nothing helps...all the things in life I took joy in are now meaningless.

Some peoples lives are a.four star movie...mine has become a shitty cutout bin one that I'm forced to endure day after day.

I see people in much worse predicaments...I try to see an upside...there IS no upside.

I can take comfort in the fact that the first half of my life was great...the next half is gonna be shit.

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BetterDays

Thanks again,and I just want to assure that I'd NEVER take the measures that may have been implied...I just need to adjust,I guess.I was always the person that had everybody laughing,always got the girl(coulda done without one.of them,obviously)...and to see all that in your rearview mirror from now on is too much to deal with.I don't do drugs,don't drink...I've been dealing with all of this head on...it just sucks beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

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Amalia

BD, so glad to hear that you are just ranting. Hang in there....

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GntiNh

Keep ranting BD, I know it's not the same as having people with you, but we are all "with you" in spirit

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RealisticGal
Thanks for the support...I wish it could help,and maybe it will...But I'm just being honest here: A life of isolation and loneliness just holds no value to me...part of me wants to be in denial,and just go about the life I was living,but that's not an option.Part of me wants to take.a mouthful of sleeping pills,or run a hose from the exhaust pipe and just leave this place,but there's no way I could put my family through that....I'm just living in an earthly purgatory...its not just H,but a bunch of other factors that have brought me to this...I'm going to continue,but not for myself....I should get a fucking Oscar for the act I put on.

I've told three very close and trusted friends of my situation,and as wonderful and supportive as they are,nothing helps...all the things in life I took joy in are now meaningless.

Some peoples lives are a.four star movie...mine has become a shitty cutout bin one that I'm forced to endure day after day.

I see people in much worse predicaments...I try to see an upside...there IS no upside.

I can take comfort in the fact that the first half of my life was great...the next half is gonna be shit.

OH, damn. When I replied to your post before I didn't see that you were in the Bog. Sorry for trying to be all cheery. I should pay better attention. Rant away!

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