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Don't kow how I got the virus!

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Hello everyone I was diagnosed with genital herpes type 1. At first I thought that my actual partner gave me the virus but he did the testing and he didn't have it. I was married for almost 5 years and was faithful to my husband and thought he was faithful to me. We met in high school and were together since. He said he did the testing too and they never called him back from the clinic which meaned to him that he didn't have the virus. It shouldn't metter to me how I got it since I have a beautiful baby now and I am abou to get married again. However, I feel bad and I am afraid to infect my boyfriend, but we don't want touse condoms all the time. he is the father of my baby and obviously we've been having unprotected sex but everytime we do it I feel guilty even though I was never with multiple partners and he was, I was the one who got the virus. I just think life is sometimes not fair. And I wish I could know how I got the virus. I know I don't gain anything because I have to live with it anyway!!But I wish I could enjoy my sexuality with my future husband without being afraid of getting him sick. I just think I didn't look for this I know nobody did. But when you go from one patrner to another you might think that you are in a highere risk but I wasn't with multiple partners and I have friends who have had multiple partners unprotected and are Herpes free. Life is not fair.

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You are so right, life is so unfair, I have had only 2 partners in my life time and I got herpes... plus I do not have any kids yet not sure if that will happen, becasue no matter how much this virus is viewed as a skin problem you live with it forever and that just sucks!!!!.

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Well, it's true. Life is not fair, and viruses are opportunistic little SOBs that don't discriminate in who they grab onto. They seem to be sort of like tornadoes, skipping one house, while flattening the one next door with no rhyme or reason.

You may never know how, when, from whom you got herpes.

The thing I've heard many times is that often clinics and/or docs DO NOT do a good job of following up with test results. You have to call them yourself or you may never hear. So your former spouse might not be so clear as he thinks he is.

Since you have been diagnosed (how? what test(s) were performed?) with genital HSV1, there is a very good chance you got it via oral sex. You know...from someone who had the strain that typically causes facial sores...and probably had had it since he was a pre-teen. He probably got it from casual contact with a relative or friend, or even from another child on the playground. He may not have ever had an actual sore, even though he was infected. Or he might have had sores many years ago, but stopped having outbreaks and didn't know it meant he had herpes.

My mom is in that category --- used to get cold sores occasionally, before I was born, but doesn't any more. That means she hasn't had an outbreak in over 50 years! And if I told her she had herpes, I believe she would be surprised. (You know --- "they're just cold sores...")

So anyway, tracking down when and how you got herpes can be a wild goose chase. Even with your limited number of partners, it might be hard to tell.

Now, as to your future husband --- take heart. There are many serodiscordant couples on this site you can read about and talk to. Lots of them have pretty much normal sex lives, only avoiding intimacy during active outbreaks, but the unaffected partner has not acquired the virus. Many folks report that after time, they and their partner have decided to relax their precautions without any problem.

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

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    • bufshof
      In in the Denver area if anyone is wanting to connect.
    • 35hope
      what does editas have to do with your experiment?
    • viralfrog
      Having HSV-2 has not bothered me at all for casual sex. I'm just avoiding sex during outbreaks, on suppressive therapy and using condoms every time with casual partners. Since my outbreaks appear on top of my penis, even during an outbreak the risk is minimal if I put a condom on as soon as I take my underwear off.  I guess it might be a slightly different case for a girl as if you have external lesions around your groin you could still infect someone even using a condom. And of course, condoms can break, which has happened to me over 10 times and caused myself to get infected in the first place.  I see it as a much more difficult now having a serious relationship, because I can't feel much with a condom on and really want stop using them. However, I don't want to put my new girlfriend to any risk - I would feel terrible if I infected her. 
    • viralfrog
      Does anyone have experience about people's reactions to Herpes in Asia? Personally I live in Thailand where I also caught the virus as a condom broke 4 years ago.  Unfortunately I infected my ex-girlfriend with HSV-2. This was just after I had caught the virus myself and we had sex before I noticed and realised what it was. In the beginning, a local doctor told me I have just hurt my foreskin with my jeans' zipper and the tests came as negative. After getting tested later it came as positive.  Anyways, my ex-gf (well educated, professional, 26 years old then) she had no idea what Herpes was in the first place. She didn't really care too much about it and didn't bother to get tested. During our 3 year relationship we kept having unprotected sex as usual and she never had any issues until at the end one day. She had a very minor outbreak once and nothing after that (lucky her, no like myself who gets terrible symptoms non-stop). I know she has a strong immune system, because she was never sick despite myself having bad colds quite often. In any case, she could not care less about this virus and didn't mind at all.

      I've seen a lot of hysteria surrounding Herpes in Europe and the US. What has been your experience in South-East Asian countries like Thailand? Do people perceive HSV-2 as a worrying disease? 
    • Burty
      The full article is behind a paywall but you could write the the authors and request a copy.

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