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Don't kow how I got the virus!

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Hello everyone I was diagnosed with genital herpes type 1. At first I thought that my actual partner gave me the virus but he did the testing and he didn't have it. I was married for almost 5 years and was faithful to my husband and thought he was faithful to me. We met in high school and were together since. He said he did the testing too and they never called him back from the clinic which meaned to him that he didn't have the virus. It shouldn't metter to me how I got it since I have a beautiful baby now and I am abou to get married again. However, I feel bad and I am afraid to infect my boyfriend, but we don't want touse condoms all the time. he is the father of my baby and obviously we've been having unprotected sex but everytime we do it I feel guilty even though I was never with multiple partners and he was, I was the one who got the virus. I just think life is sometimes not fair. And I wish I could know how I got the virus. I know I don't gain anything because I have to live with it anyway!!But I wish I could enjoy my sexuality with my future husband without being afraid of getting him sick. I just think I didn't look for this I know nobody did. But when you go from one patrner to another you might think that you are in a highere risk but I wasn't with multiple partners and I have friends who have had multiple partners unprotected and are Herpes free. Life is not fair.

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You are so right, life is so unfair, I have had only 2 partners in my life time and I got herpes... plus I do not have any kids yet not sure if that will happen, becasue no matter how much this virus is viewed as a skin problem you live with it forever and that just sucks!!!!.

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Well, it's true. Life is not fair, and viruses are opportunistic little SOBs that don't discriminate in who they grab onto. They seem to be sort of like tornadoes, skipping one house, while flattening the one next door with no rhyme or reason.

You may never know how, when, from whom you got herpes.

The thing I've heard many times is that often clinics and/or docs DO NOT do a good job of following up with test results. You have to call them yourself or you may never hear. So your former spouse might not be so clear as he thinks he is.

Since you have been diagnosed (how? what test(s) were performed?) with genital HSV1, there is a very good chance you got it via oral sex. You know...from someone who had the strain that typically causes facial sores...and probably had had it since he was a pre-teen. He probably got it from casual contact with a relative or friend, or even from another child on the playground. He may not have ever had an actual sore, even though he was infected. Or he might have had sores many years ago, but stopped having outbreaks and didn't know it meant he had herpes.

My mom is in that category --- used to get cold sores occasionally, before I was born, but doesn't any more. That means she hasn't had an outbreak in over 50 years! And if I told her she had herpes, I believe she would be surprised. (You know --- "they're just cold sores...")

So anyway, tracking down when and how you got herpes can be a wild goose chase. Even with your limited number of partners, it might be hard to tell.

Now, as to your future husband --- take heart. There are many serodiscordant couples on this site you can read about and talk to. Lots of them have pretty much normal sex lives, only avoiding intimacy during active outbreaks, but the unaffected partner has not acquired the virus. Many folks report that after time, they and their partner have decided to relax their precautions without any problem.

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    • blurneworder
      Your symptoms and photos match exactly what I've been dealing with on and off since October 2018 after I had a a really bad flu that brought about tingling on my lips. It felt like a cold sore was going to develop, but a bunch of tiny white bumps showed up that doctors have yet to fully explain what it is. I also have a constant feeling of a dry, chapped upper lip. A few weeks later the white tongue showed up. I'm also currently dealing with a change in taste in my mouth. I eventually tested positive fro HSV1 months later, but I don't know where on my body it is. I also have discoloration on my the tip of my penis. One dentist told me I had bacteria covering my tongue, and another dentist said nothing looked suspicious. I also get the cut on my tongue.  Prepare yourself for a journey of doctors telling you that you look normal when, in fact, you do not.
    • WilsoInAus
      @CheekyMunkey there is absolutely no way you, me or anyone has any chance of diagnosing what issues inside the mouth might be. There are simply too many issues that create similar looking outcomes. All I can say is that issues inside the mouth are way, way less likely to be related to herpes compared to if you were having issues on the lips.
    • CheekyMunkey
      Hi mate.  Thank you for responding. I do feel better but I think the oral might be the issue. I was looking at my tongue and it looks white. Well whiter than normal. Also about 3 days ago I had a really sharp pain in my tongue which lasted like seconds. Later in the day when I saw it it had like a line cut into it. Is it a lesion? I have no pain in my tongue at all, no fluid filled sores but I noticed that Its shape isn't right. Like a bits missing on the tip of the right hand side. I've added two pics. It looks whiter in the pics then it actually is but I noticed red dots all down near the tip. Could that be something? Herpes? Also, where the tongue goes out of shape there is nothing on that side. I did burn my mouth on some pizza on the day I felt that sharp pain so not sure if that's got something to do with it.  https://ibb.co/zhphnMD https://ibb.co/G0pPRLh Thanks in advance.
    • RNY18
      Personally, I'm still wondering how likely is it China will cure HSV before the States does ?...
    • WilsoInAus
      I’m sorry your still angry, but drop the relationship with the Jay profiles and you will feel much better about life, I promise.
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