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i feel sick to my stomach...

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i get my results back in 4 days. all signs point to positive.

i contracted it last weekend, i was drinking heavily, smoking, i don't remember much but waking up in a bed with a guy on top of me and blacking out again.

i woke up and felt fine, just hungover. the next day itchiness started, i felt exhausted, but i attributed that to working long hours the week before and the itchiness i had down to shaving and, uh, not being properly lubed while being basically raped.

i checked myself with a mirror, saw nothing figured it'd go away. it did.

next day i woke up with a sore throat and ear ache. called my pcp, went in for an appt was told i had an upper respiratory infection and sent home to ride it out. i mentioned having little white patches all over the back of my throat. i was swabbed for strep, came back negative. i didn't have a fever.

he said the resp infection was why i was so exhausted.

next day, itchiness was slight i looked in the mirror and saw three little lesions, got in the shower, felt a hard lump next to one of the lesions flipped, called a free clinic and went in the next AM. (today)

she took one look, said it looked like herpes, took a swab, checked inside of me, said there were more lesions, took a sample of my discharge and left the room.

i also have bacterial vaginosis now.

i've never felt so disgusting in my life, i feel so stupid that i let myself get so trashed in public or that i didnt take anyone with me i could trust to get me home safely. i've not told anyone yet so it has been hard keeping a straight face around everyone when all i want to do is cry.

i'm on 4 diff meds right now and i'm sick to my stomach over all of this.

i really hope it comes up negative and everything is all a bizarre series of coincidences, i dont want to have to carry around the burden of that night the rest of my life or explain it to anyone.

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It will get better. Also, hang in there for better treatments, vaccines and hopefully a cure. Check out the cure section, there is a few things happening that will hopefully lead to a herpes-free world!!! Chin up!:wavey:

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Denise 07

I really hope your results are negative but it doesn't sound very good when you mention lesions. So sorry that this happened to you :( Unfortunately we don't have a cure but I'm confident that we will within the next decade. I know that's not much comfort for you to hear right now but all you can do is try to move forward. When you get the results I would ask to see what type of hsv you have. Usually genital hsv-1 which is what I have you will have less outbreaks than genital hsv-2. Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping that it is something else and not herpes but if it is herpes this site is awesome and people give very good advice :) In time it will get better for you. I had my first outbreak last November. Take Care :)

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thank you for the kind words!

i am beginning to accept it more, the antivirals seem to be working which doesn't bode well for me. it more than likely means i'm positive, right?

but i guess i have to look on the bright side, this is my initial OB and it seems pretty mild compared to what i've read some of the others have gone through.

i finally did tell someone, a cousin, and her reaction was like "well, doesn't 1-6 people have it anyway? so it's pretty common." and she mentioned that she has cold sores and only gets like 1 ob a yr, which made me feel a little better.

i had a dumb moment last night where i was terrified of going to sleep since it's in my throat, i thought i'd drool, roll around in it and then get it all over my face...so i came here and read a bit more to calm my fears of that.

thank god for this place!

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just heard back from my dr re: test results.

i am positive for HSV-1. while not great, i'd rather of been negative, i am aware that HSV-1 is the less severe. and as weird as it sounds, i'm happy. The dr made it seem as though HSV-1 ROB's in the genitals rarely happen?

since i have it in my throat and i'm prone to ear infections (got a real bad one during my intial ob) i am opting to do daily suppressive therapy...

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

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    • Atrapasueños
      Hola chicos recibí mis resultados de mi cultivo de mis brotes en hombros y cuello y dio positivo me siento mal aunque ya sospechaba me niego a pensar que este virus es inofensivo ahora no sólo tengo que lidiar con mis brotes en mi cara o genitales también los que aparecen en mis hombros y cuello sólo les deseo lo mejor y cuiden mucho su cuerpo __________________________  Hi guys I got my results of my culture of my shoots on shoulders and neck and gave positive I feel bad even though I already suspected I refuse to think that this virus is harmless now not only do I have to deal with my outbreaks on my face or genitals also those that appear on my shoulders and neck I only wish you the best and take good care of your body
    • IcantThinkofaName
      I agree completely with @Dutchy and what she said. You are always going to think about this. Its best to get a conclusive answer if you can. I am not sure it is herpes. Sorry to ask, but: Is there any chance you could have been sexually assaulted at a young age and not remember? or  Were you  ever a wrestler or Boxer ? Those are the only two instances I can think of that would cause HSV 2 if you haven't had sexual contact  Chances are high that you don't have it. And, if it turns out to be HSV1 , you already have that , so no worries there either. I have had 2 Drs say a bacterial infection on my face was HSV1 . I have never had HSV1, My IGG tests results have always been negative too for HSV1 in the past and present too. ( It was really a bacterial infection, I had had an injection and was touching the area a lot and I infected it with my dirty hands. I then went to a infectious disease specialist who told me looked  bacterial not viral).  I did sadly get infected with Hsv2 almost 2 years ago now ( 1 year after the facial bacterial infection) and it was intense and severe. If I had had HSV1 my outbreak would have been less severe from what I understand. My Hsv 1 IGG tests are STILL negative. Those drs were wrong. Maybe yours are too. And if it is from a wetsuit, then people need to know that its a possible risk.  I truly wish your results to be negative.  You deserve peace. Best wishes to you.
    • IcantThinkofaName
      @Rain and Ashes get a blood test, don't go by visual diagnosis, esp. if you  are a virgin and haven't had sexual contact. It could be  a staph infection or somethign else Drs misdiagnose things all the time. Its terrible and unprofessional of them to refuse to do the bloodwork, and to only visually diagnose if you haven't had sex.  If its a privacy issue or not wanting it on your records, then  maybe go to an anonymous place and pay out of pocket. And if it is indeed HSV2, and you got it from a wetsuit, then there is a lot we don't know about this virus and your story needs to be shared, if it is indeed true. Best of Luck to you!
    • Ashleerae
      I totally see where you're coming from. Having herpes made me feel like the biggest piece of shit I could be, thought it would be nice to kill myself and not have to deal with it, but not a serious thought, just a fantasy.  I was diagnosed over 3 years ago with genital HSV-2. I can't be 100%, but I think I got it from my ex. Over the last 2 years, I've been hitting personal development hard and trying to get totally comfortable with myself for everything I am, including herpes. I've improved things about myself that I've struggled with my entire life and I won't stop striving to be the real me, not take everything in life so hard or seriously, and be somebody I could respect. I've become more confident, which I've never been. Now I see herpes as a little bit of a blessing (haha crazy), but without this, I may have never confronted my issues with myself and changed it. I am more empathic to myself and to other people rather than being self-centered and shallow like I was sometimes. Herpes forced me to love myself and become more resilient. I'm telling you this because it's normal to beat yourself up over this and feel ashamed, but fuck it. Don't feel ashamed. Own it and get so comfortable with it that nobody's opinion could sway your feelings about yourself. I don't mean tell everyone unless you want to. I've told my immediate family and 4 friends recently and they were all very receptive and said it's not a big deal - these are people I trust. And for some of us, we know it's not as big of a deal physically as we imagined it would be before we contracted it or during the worst outbreak(s) - for me it was emotionally destructive because I let it get to me. Let me tell you my first disclosure story.  A month and a half ago, I got drunk and was talking to this guy, a friend of a friend. We hit it off and were having fun. We got pretty drunk and hooked up and I didn't tell him. Wanna know how I felt after that? Anxious, fucking horrible, like a terrible person. And I'm not judging others here, but I judged myself hard because I felt like I had hurt someone. This was eating me alive. I was going to tell him the next day and then he was out with friends so I didn't want to ruin his night. Two days later I talked to him and asked him to call me (live in different cities). I had practiced how I was going to say this over and over. I told him we got a little carried away and asked if we used a condom (couldn't remember), we didn't. I apologized and told him my status and that I'm on repressive meds so it doesn't surface, but it's still possible that it would. I was expecting him to lash out, call me names, tell our mutual friends and all of his own friends, which would be his right. I was lucky and I didn't feel like I deserved his actual response due to the situation of not disclosing before anything happened. He said, "It's okay. I'll make a doctor's appointment to get tested and get on meds if I need to. It sounds like you've been beating yourself up about this, so stop doing that. It's fine. I had a condom in my bag that I found the next day, I should have used it. Really, don't worry." Seriously, this is how the conversation went. He tested negative and is going to test again in 6 months. And we've been talking for the last month and a half since, he told me he's glad he met me and had fun, and he's coming to visit for a weekend in October. I talked to our mutual friend, who one of my best friends that I trust; I told her after I told him and confirmed he hasn't told anyone else about my status (I asked him not to unless he does have it, then he can say whatever he wants).  The reason I'm telling you this is because I've learned an incredibly important lesson from this. I know that not disclosing is against my moral code and I don't want to give this to anyone without giving them the choice first because I wasn't given the option and it destroyed me for awhile. Condoms don't guarantee it won't be passed on. If I want to feel good about the person I am, this is a conversation I have to have with anyone I'm going to have any sexual contact with.  I also know I was lucky with this guy being so kind. He didn't have to be that way. This taught me a valuable lesson too. Choose wisely who I want in my life and who I trust. I'm not worried anymore what other people think of me; what do I think of them? If somebody says no after disclosing, that is their right and it has no bearing on me, it's not a diss. They don't want herpes and neither did I; maybe there could be a friendship there instead. Some people don't see this as a deal breaker though and I know I don't feel bad about myself for telling somebody the truth and giving them the option. I'm not proud about not disclosing first, but I made it right and know that's how I will handle it from now on.  I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do either. This was my experience and this is just what I learned. 
    • PhilFletch
      Thanks for the post! We appreciate it can sometimes be difficult to talk about the subject or even to go and see your GP about it. Thankfully theres lots of online companies now that do an online consultation to get your herpes meds delivered in the post. Have a look at PostMyMeds Ltd, https://postmymeds.co.uk

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