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QDogg

so many thoughts

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QDogg

alright guys, i guess i finally got the balls to make a post. here goes...

i'm about a month in from being diagnosed. my symptoms are not so bad. i guess the first OB i noticed looked like a rash on the skin of my cock near the head. when i seen this i was like fuck, i definitely have something. it looked quite obvious to me. rash went away rather quickly, within a week. gone by the time i made it to the doctor apt i had made. during the physical examination she didnt see much, was about to send me off when she was like... wait, this looks like herpes. under the head there were like 3 or 4 little tiny bumps, white bumps. she was able to swab one on send it in. a week later i got the news. *deep sigh*

It was disappointing, obviously. I can't say i lost it or anything or went into a deep depression or anything, cause to be honest to myself, i wasn't surprised. I definitely lived a promiscuous, irresponsible sexual lifestyle. *sigh*

what the fuck did i expect right??

i'm the type of person that has a high internal locus of control, so i don't blame anyone but myself. as we have all ran down the list of who it could have been, to be honest with the level of my sexual activity, i have no idea. and i choose not to think about that aspect of it too much. y? what good would that do? if i actually somehow found out who gave it to me, would that make any positive difference? no. so why even go there? we can all be open here right?? well i know i basically have had unprotected sex with the vast majority of my partners. so why would i even be mad at anyone? i knew the risk, i was careless, now i have herpes. not surprised.

so now what?

I'm probably going through the same motions as everyone else. seeking knowledge, reading these types of posts, going in and out of "depressing" feelings, sadness, loneliness, shame, embarrassment, etc.. we all know, all of us here go through the same stuff i'm sure. *sigh* i feel you guys. xoxoxo

so these are my thought now: i ask myself,

how do i want to live my life, and what do i gotta do to achieve that?

well i'm basically fucked. at first i'm like what the fuck am i going to do now. meaning sex. how am i supposed to have a normal, active, very active sex life if i don't want to possible infect someone else?

this thought depressed me. cause to be honest... i'm not ready to settle down. do the "right" thing and tell them first? FUCK THAT!

i can see myself doing this to a girl that i see as a potential long term mate, but to tell every girl that i have sex with? FUCK NO.

not have casual sex and just look for meaningful relationships from now on? neh, i'll pass on that too.

so knowing that i dont want to do that, and knowing that i want to continue to have causal sex, is what is fucking up my mind right now.

so then i start thinking.. and i know i'm not the only one.. but i'm being honest here.. just use a condom when OB free, and hope for the best. If it comes back to me... act as if i don't know. *sigh* this is not what i want to do. this goes against the person that i am, the person i want to be, i don't want to hurt anyone, or cause them pain.... but i want to live a normal life. this is where i'm at right now people. like i said i'm only a month in and my brain is still on a sensory overload with this shit.

but if i want to be self-centered, and live the life that I fuckin want to live, then this is my option. take a once a day, and always use condoms. what the fuck else am i supposed to do. i'm fuckin 25 in the prime of my sexual activity. go figure.

ok i dont want you guys to stop reading so i'll stop here for now and hopefully get some responses and we can proceed from there.

guys i'm not a bad person, i have a good heart, i've never maliciously did anything to hurt any of the women in my life. even if it was just a fling thing. even if i was seeing other women. i always respected them, treated them right, created a great experience for the both of us, and was a pretty good guy to them. but if i don't want my own life to dramatically change for the worse, then at least at this point in life, the preceding option seems to get me what i want and keep me in a normal mental state. and the only way i can do this is to take my own precautions, but at the same time knowing that they can still get it, and i'm going to have to know that and internally accept that. its like i'm turning into a monster :*(

i guess none of these are questions for any of you out there to answer... but i would like to hear your thoughts.

if only i'd meet an amazing girl with the same condition. but i don't think the odds are in my favor. but i can still try on the sites i guess.

thanks for letting me vent guys. i really needed to get this off my chest. right now.... as i'm typing, ........ i'm releasing the first tears over this since finding out. i guess i'm good at controlling my thoughts and emotions to be congruent with the life i want to live, and crying over this is not the life i want. but sharing with you guys i guess has a heavier effect. the more i share my thoughts about herpes, the more its a REAL thing in my life i guess.

thanks again guys. keep your head up. <3

- Q Dogg

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brokenhearted

Stop and think a bit....

So, the reality is, you know now you have this, and you're kind of "mourning" the loss of the freedom to enjoy sex like you did. We're *all* exactly in the same boat. Believe me. In my head, I've played out the same scenario as you, part of coping with the news I think. At one point I convinced myself I would do the same as what you are saying - but i knew when it came down to it, i wouldn't do it. It was my waying of coping with a really sh*tty day.

There's no easy fix for this. The guy who gave this to me had the same thoughts you do. In a sick way, I can understand where his head was at - this is only two months in for me, and everything is different now - I'm attracted to someone and what used to be great has become this huge stressful situation.... knowing you can't move forward at all without having to have the most horrible discussion in the world.

But, please, don't do anything for a while. Process things for a bit. I was on the receiving end of the kind of "coping" that you're talking about. He has taken away so much from me with his denial of what he was doing. Don't do that to a woman. Please. Take some time, stop and regroup a bit. This sucks. I know it. Believe me. Not would I wish this on anyone. I've met someone just now that i'd love to follow through on.... but this is reality - you don't want to do this to someone without their knowledge.

C'mon.....

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MessageInABottle

I just found out 2 weeks ago, and have to say, I'm having a really hard time moving past the spot you're in. As much as I understand that my lifestyle and my choices are the reason I'm in this position, the realization that I now have to completely change that lifestyle...well...pisses me off. I'm 22...I'm not especially interested in choosing one man for the rest of my life at this point, and I was extremely satisfied with the life I was leading up until now. There are guys in my life that I've been intimate with for years without any "real" commitment, or exes that I just kept seeing. I was never the type to just take some boy home from the bar, just to be clear. I don't believe I have to defend my previous lifestyle, it is what it is...but I guess it sort of requires a backstory now, considering my audience. But now I have to make a decision about each of these guys individually. Do I have "the talk" and see how it goes, or do I just cut them off with no explanation? It is incredibly tempting to just take valtrex, use condoms, and hope for the best.

I'm not really in need of reprimanding, because in general, I'm a decent person. I'm not going to be selfish and evil and do this to someone without their knowledge. I'm really, really not going to do it.

However, I'm completely irritated with the knowledge that I only have two options now - celibacy, or long term, committed relationship. Because honestly...who is going to knowingly have casual sex with someone who has herpes? I certainly wouldn't. Not with all the other options I used to have. And while I'm aware that I'll be able to eventually find myself in a committed relationship with someone who will accept me with this virus, I wasn't really ready to settle down. I've been in and out of a relationship with the same asshat guy for 3 years and I was very much enjoying my sexual freedom. Well. So much for that.

I know where you're coming from. I'm totally there.

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QDogg

thanks for your feedback ladies. idk, i mean... so we change our lives from here on out?? i mean i just got back from the club, did my thang as usual, i don't want to change this. i mean idk if you can understand this, but as a man, i have been living my life day by day meeting women. i mean i approach life in a way that when i see a woman i'm interested in, i approach. obviously for the ultimate goal of a sexual relationship, but not just for that. i LOVE the connections i create with women, as i said earlier. but to be honest, eventhough its not the ONLY expectation i have, but if there wasn't the possibility of a sexual conection i wouldnt even bother. i'm the guy that believes that men and women are here for a reason. and that is to "reproduce". i put this in quotes because obviously i don't want to reproduce with all women, but i still have that urge to sexually close the interaction. this is the only reason i go to the club, to the bar, to basically any social situation i put myself in... to meet women that i can hook up with. this is my life. without that i'm like fuckin lost. i'm not a nerd, i'm not a loser, i'm a fuckin man with a pretty active social, and as a result, active sexual life. this is my life. without this what do i have to look forward to? i'm not religious. and i dont want to be. so what do i do. sulk in my own life? or continue my life the way i want it to be? even if that means putting others at risk. its ultimately selfish and self centered, I KNOW. believe me i know. but when it comes down to it, we only live once right? and i'm very much into creating the life i want for the short time i'm here in this world. and i know i don't want a life with the whole situation of having to tell someone before hooking up. ugh! *sigh.

idk what to fuckin do. guys i used to be an introvert, one of those guys in the bar sitting by myself looking at everyone else having a good time, dudes having a great time with chicks and what not. wishing i was them.

i recently took it upon myself to become one of those guys, and seed dramatic results. i have never had so many women in my life as i do now.

and literally, i remember FINALLY telling myself "finally, life is great." and basically because i had more women in my life. and now i'm supposed to abandon it to another form of lame ass life??? idk. i hear what you girls are saying, i don't want to do any of this to some one else.... but when it comes down to that.... and the reality of my own life.... this is when i have the thoughts of... well when it totally comes down to it.... i gotta do me. this is my life. I only have one. so I'm in control of it.

idk guys. i feel horrible. but at the same time, i want to be in control of my own life and life happiness. and if that means possible effecting someone elses life by me decisions, well this is where i have trouble choosing someone else. first and foremost i look out for me and my own happiness before anyone else. i KNOW this is totally selfish and self and self centered, but this is my life. and i have the power to control the way i live it and experience it. even if that means lying and knowing i can infect someone.

those are my drunk thoughts....

again, thanks for the feedback i appreciate it. <3

boys i would really like to hear from you, help a brotha out.

-Q Dogg

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RealisticGal

Here are a couple of things to consider (preferably when you are sober).

First of all, you say your symptoms are not so bad. Great for you.

But read a few of the posts here, especially from women, about their outbreaks. Some of them are literally too ill to move out of bed for a week or more at a time. Some lose time at work or school. Some have had to go to the hospital and have a catheter inserted so they can pee, and have to be heavily medicated to be able to sleep.

Now ask yourself, how will you feel if you knowingly put someone at risk for that sort of pain and suffering?

And if nothing else, ask yourself if you think it is fair and right for you to put another human being into the same dilemma that you now face.

If you are so set on having a casual sex life for a while, why not seek out others who have herpes? I've heard there are a number of folks on those H positive sites who go there specifically looking for casual hookups.

But look deep into your heart before you do something to someone else (who doesn't yet have herpes) that you would have to live with forever.

Ask yourself (I know, that's what you have been doing) what sort of person you really want to be.

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livingandlearning

Qdogg, I was recently told I have HSV 1 and it blew me away. The fact of the matter is that I can appreciate your thoughts on it. But you and I and countless other people have been victimized in the same fashion by people just living there life. My OB has been very bad for me, and I would not wish this on anyone. So, I believe we have a responsibility to go above and beyond in being safe. I remember being 25, am now 32 and I have no intention of not living my life, however the value needs to be more then just the sexual conquest we can have.

I feel like you, I never mistreated women, treated them with respect, I've worked in a job in the past in which I've had the privilage of saving some lives and it is easy for me to say, "why me"..what did I do to deserve this...but none of that changes the fact that I have it, and that you have it and countless other people have it and never had a chance or choice.

You have an amazing amount of power with your life, you have the ability to impact someone else's life, either in a negative or positive way. All I can say is that my experience has been so horrible that I wouldn't want anyone to go though this. Living a life in which I have to limit my sex, sexual partners and such is not the greatest idea, but the value of doing what I feel is the right thing is much greater, richer, and more enjoyable for me over the long run then any additional sex filled nights, that I would soon forget versus maintain the selfish knowledge that am doing the right thing.

I think you wrote an extremely honest post, am glad you shared

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QDogg

Livingandlearning, i feel what your saying. i guess cause mine is so mild i don't really see it as a big deal. i mean i really don't think it is, thus far i think the worst part about herpes is the mental anguish it cases people... those that let it happen. and thinking about it now, living the life of telling, is living with a life of mental anguish. i guess thats why i'm so on the other side cause that resolves this. sigh* i'm still trying to sort this out in my head.

this helps. being able to get others perspectives and experiences. deff good to know i'm not alone. actually7 a close family member has it, but i don't want to even tell that person. i don't want to tell anyone. I will tell my lil bro though, just cause he needs to hear it from a man how important it is to use protection. shits out there. i wish my dad had talked to me more about it :*( sigh*

anyway.... thanks for your post livingandlearning.

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RealisticGal
Livingandlearning, i feel what your saying. i guess cause mine is so mild i don't really see it as a big deal. i mean i really don't think it is, thus far i think the worst part about herpes is the mental anguish it cases people... those that let it happen. and thinking about it now, living the life of telling, is living with a life of mental anguish. i guess thats why i'm so on the other side cause that resolves this. sigh* i'm still trying to sort this out in my head.

this helps. being able to get others perspectives and experiences. deff good to know i'm not alone. actually7 a close family member has it, but i don't want to even tell that person. i don't want to tell anyone. I will tell my lil bro though, just cause he needs to hear it from a man how important it is to use protection. shits out there. i wish my dad had talked to me more about it :*( sigh*

anyway.... thanks for your post livingandlearning.

QDogg, I think that's one of the biggest problems with herpes. So many folks get very mild symptoms --- or no symptoms at all ---- so they come to believe it is no big deal if they potentially spread the virus.

But as I mentioned before, there is no guarantee that any woman you gave this to would have an easy road like you. In fact, generally speaking women do have a more difficult course with herpes than men do. Any given woman you spread it to could be in severe physical agony, plus it could put any future babies she might have at risk. That's one thing you really need to keep in mind.

Another point is, when educating lil bro, be sure to let him know that condoms by themselves will not protect him from contracting herpes --- nor from spreading it. They only cover the penis, whilst leaving a whole bunch of territory uncovered down there. Not to mention, having oral herpes makes it possible to spread it via oral sex, analingus, kissing...

In other words, be sure to have all the accurate info when you get ready to lay down some education. The best way a person can protect him/herself is to have open, honest communication with trustworthy potential partners.

Peace.

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brokenhearted

Being Honest

I think this is really great, that QDogg is putting it out there - the debate that's going on in his head. It's exactly the debate the tons of people have with themselves - and is exactly how I was given this "gift". He's really going through the whole thought process out loud, and at least he is asking for and considering everyone's input as well. May or may not listen, as I'm sure many don't - but it's out there now and he's honest.

I've met a few guys the last while who openly admit that at first, when they thought they had it, they didn't get to a doctor, it was mild and they convinced themselves it was nothing. And continued for a few years to sleep with several people, until it finally became too obvious to ignore (and they got older and wiser). The loss of sexual freedom is HUGE. And if I was in my 20's and not wanting to settle into the "one" meaningful relationship yet, it would have so much harder still.

I guess the idea to check out PS, or other sites is a good idea - people with this know that it's really nothing more than an annoying skin condition. I really feel for you, QDogg, but I feel for me too. I lost the same freedom you did, because this really "great" guy, who I trusted when he said he was "clean", who we still had protected sex - didn't want to admit to himself that he had it. His denial, and how many women (and their future partners) got this virus. One other thought - you go around having unprotected sex knowing you have this, and someone - somewhere - one of these times is going to out right nail you on it - maybe even publicly tell people you've got it and are giving it to others on purpose. That would be worse in the long run - don't you think?

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RealisticGal
One other thought - you go around having unprotected sex knowing you have this, and someone - somewhere - one of these times is going to out right nail you on it - maybe even publicly tell people you've got it and are giving it to others on purpose. That would be worse in the long run - don't you think?

That is a good point, brokenhearted.

Not only that, but take a little time to visit the legal thread on this forum. There are a whole bunch of folks on this site (and probably others who aren't here) who have a serious vendetta attitude. They want to not only expose folks publicly, but even take legal action against them. Apparently the key is if they can prove you knew you had it and did not disclose.

Just a (pretty scary) thought... :shock:

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RealisticGal

Oh! And I forgot to mention this "lovely" little web site that was recently discussed here, where a person can "out" someone else:

http://stdcarriers.com/

Yeah, things are definitely complicated. :rolleyes:

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brokenhearted

Well I sure thought about it....

Thanks RealisticGal - i gotta say, i've thought about outing my "giver"...I see him still posted on a public (non H) dating site.... moving along through the women I'm sure. If he did not know my place of work (I am moderately high profile and this would severely damage my career) and if I wasn't concerned about backlash from him... I'd out him in less than a heartbeat. My own fear of people knowing keeps me from saying... as I'm sure is the case with a lot of other people too. But I still see him online on this one site - I check from time to time just to see - and it makes me just sick to know that others don't know what I know....

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KrystynaG
thanks for your feedback ladies. idk, i mean... so we change our lives from here on out?? i mean i just got back from the club, did my thang as usual, i don't want to change this. i mean idk if you can understand this, but as a man, i have been living my life day by day meeting women. i mean i approach life in a way that when i see a woman i'm interested in, i approach. obviously for the ultimate goal of a sexual relationship, but not just for that. i LOVE the connections i create with women, as i said earlier. but to be honest, eventhough its not the ONLY expectation i have, but if there wasn't the possibility of a sexual conection i wouldnt even bother. i'm the guy that believes that men and women are here for a reason. and that is to "reproduce". i put this in quotes because obviously i don't want to reproduce with all women, but i still have that urge to sexually close the interaction. this is the only reason i go to the club, to the bar, to basically any social situation i put myself in... to meet women that i can hook up with. this is my life. without that i'm like fuckin lost. i'm not a nerd, i'm not a loser, i'm a fuckin man with a pretty active social, and as a result, active sexual life. this is my life. without this what do i have to look forward to? i'm not religious. and i dont want to be. so what do i do. sulk in my own life? or continue my life the way i want it to be? even if that means putting others at risk. its ultimately selfish and self centered, I KNOW. believe me i know. but when it comes down to it, we only live once right? and i'm very much into creating the life i want for the short time i'm here in this world. and i know i don't want a life with the whole situation of having to tell someone before hooking up. ugh! *sigh.

idk what to fuckin do. guys i used to be an introvert, one of those guys in the bar sitting by myself looking at everyone else having a good time, dudes having a great time with chicks and what not. wishing i was them.

i recently took it upon myself to become one of those guys, and seed dramatic results. i have never had so many women in my life as i do now.

and literally, i remember FINALLY telling myself "finally, life is great." and basically because i had more women in my life. and now i'm supposed to abandon it to another form of lame ass life??? idk. i hear what you girls are saying, i don't want to do any of this to some one else.... but when it comes down to that.... and the reality of my own life.... this is when i have the thoughts of... well when it totally comes down to it.... i gotta do me. this is my life. I only have one. so I'm in control of it.

idk guys. i feel horrible. but at the same time, i want to be in control of my own life and life happiness. and if that means possible effecting someone elses life by me decisions, well this is where i have trouble choosing someone else. first and foremost i look out for me and my own happiness before anyone else. i KNOW this is totally selfish and self and self centered, but this is my life. and i have the power to control the way i live it and experience it. even if that means lying and knowing i can infect someone.

those are my drunk thoughts....

again, thanks for the feedback i appreciate it. <3

boys i would really like to hear from you, help a brotha out.

-Q Dogg

QDogg i have some of these same exact thought, i too am just 25 and im very much pissed because i wasnt ready to settle down just yet either. a few years ago i got out of a relationship of 7 years, so i was still into my just enjoying life and having fun stage. Now i am stuck, i have to find someone to settle down with because casual sex is out of the question!. Ive told myself over and over im going to just have sex with a condom and if something happens to him im going to deny EVERYTHING!..Yeah right! Im the type of person that if i say something and it hurts someones feelings i feel bad, so no matter how much i say im going that route i cant muster up the balls to F someones life up. so of course ive been sexless since finding out. Now before H i wasnt with just any dude but the guys i did have sex with we would have sex ALOT!...but now my life has changed dramatically...most of my former partners still call me trying to hook up and i make an excuse as to why i cant. Im not going to tell them "Well ok, but first before you come...I have herpes"...Hell No. I prefer to just say no. That said I'd Love to have my Sex life back as well .

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QDogg

krysty, thanks for your feedback. dude it sucks so bad. yeah i haven't fucked around yet either.... and i think the same stuff. i know the only way to continue life without interrupt would be to do as i have mentioned, but just like you idk if i will be able to do it. you say you don't want to f someones life up. H doesn't fuck peoples life up, only if they let it get to them. well i guess i can only speak for myself, its been a month, and so far nothing serious. i could have had this all along. now that i know what it looks like, at least in my case, theres a time waaaayyy back when something sprouted up down there, i must have been like 17ish, and it went away. i think i had just started shaving at that time so i figured it was that, i think i went to the doc and she said the same thing. but if i remember correctly, i'm pretty sure it looked like the OB i have had now. scary thought right?! i've had unprotected sex with so many girls since that who knows if i even had it. anyway... yeah dude this sucks. i got on some meds.... jic i somthing does happen, i'm taking all the precautions i possible can on my end. theres nothing else me nor her can do anyway right?? the only thing left is her knowing, which wouldn't change her getting it or not. i don't even need the meds for OB purposes. is it bad if i take them? i gotta do more research. acyclovir.

is yours a bad case? how long have you knows?

dude don't live a life without sex, we're human animals and its only biological. men and women were made the way we are so we hook up, and continue the existence of this species. thats why we are here. now because of some other biological entity has made its way into our bodies, as is only natural, thats what they do, we're supposed to live the rest of our lives differently?? why cause us as humans have bigger brains and emotions that get in the way of our own personal life fulfillment? thats the only thing that separates us from all the other animals right? i'm sure they got viruses too and they keep living their normal lives day by day. why should we be different? is H gonna kill anyone?? evolutionarily speaking, what did our cavemen ancestors do in these situations? do you think they stooped having sex and mating?? do you think they went through as much mental agony as we are now?? or do you think they continues life as normal with this added nuisance? why should we live our lives any differently? we have about 25,000 days to live on this planet. if we lives to be 80. everyday we live without doing what we want to do is a day we'll never get back. is that how you want to look back at your life when your towards the end, or do you want the gratification of knowing that you did all you could to give yourself a normal, happy life.??

well i guess thats enough of a rant for now, my head is still pounding from last night... :stoned:good times.

hit me up krysty, let me know how your handling this, i like keeping contact with people similar to me in the same situation. maybe one of you will get to me and help change my mind. this is just the only logical way of living a normal life :???: fml.

thanks again,

- Q 8)

ps. these smiles are awesome! :love:

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QDogg
i've thought about outing my "giver"...I see him still posted on a public (non H) dating site.... moving along through the women I'm sure. If he did not know my place of work (I am moderately high profile and this would severely damage my career) and if I wasn't concerned about backlash from him... I'd out him in less than a heartbeat.

Brokenhearted, i'm just curious on the basis of this statement. why the desire to 'out' him? would that make you feel better? with that change anything? i'm just curious why you have these emotions. idk but if i somehow found out who gave it to me i don't think i would be pissed. shit happens. especially now knowing how common it is.

and whats with the whole "giver" thing. lol sounds like something i would hear in the movies.

you have a lot of anger, resentment, and vengense associated with your condition. why is that?

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sassygirlforever21

QDogg PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS TO ANY WOMEN !!!! PLEASE ..........

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KrystynaG
krysty, thanks for your feedback. dude it sucks so bad. yeah i haven't fucked around yet either.... and i think the same stuff. i know the only way to continue life without interrupt would be to do as i have mentioned, but just like you idk if i will be able to do it. you say you don't want to f someones life up. H doesn't fuck peoples life up, only if they let it get to them. well i guess i can only speak for myself, its been a month, and so far nothing serious. i could have had this all along. now that i know what it looks like, at least in my case, theres a time waaaayyy back when something sprouted up down there, i must have been like 17ish, and it went away. i think i had just started shaving at that time so i figured it was that, i think i went to the doc and she said the same thing. but if i remember correctly, i'm pretty sure it looked like the OB i have had now. scary thought right?! i've had unprotected sex with so many girls since that who knows if i even had it. anyway... yeah dude this sucks. i got on some meds.... jic i somthing does happen, i'm taking all the precautions i possible can on my end. theres nothing else me nor her can do anyway right?? the only thing left is her knowing, which wouldn't change her getting it or not. i don't even need the meds for OB purposes. is it bad if i take them? i gotta do more research. acyclovir.

is yours a bad case? how long have you knows?

dude don't live a life without sex, we're human animals and its only biological. men and women were made the way we are so we hook up, and continue the existence of this species. thats why we are here. now because of some other biological entity has made its way into our bodies, as is only natural, thats what they do, we're supposed to live the rest of our lives differently?? why cause us as humans have bigger brains and emotions that get in the way of our own personal life fulfillment? thats the only thing that separates us from all the other animals right? i'm sure they got viruses too and they keep living their normal lives day by day. why should we be different? is H gonna kill anyone?? evolutionarily speaking, what did our cavemen ancestors do in these situations? do you think they stooped having sex and mating?? do you think they went through as much mental agony as we are now?? or do you think they continues life as normal with this added nuisance? why should we live our lives any differently? we have about 25,000 days to live on this planet. if we lives to be 80. everyday we live without doing what we want to do is a day we'll never get back. is that how you want to look back at your life when your towards the end, or do you want the gratification of knowing that you did all you could to give yourself a normal, happy life.??

well i guess thats enough of a rant for now, my head is still pounding from last night... :stoned:good times.

hit me up krysty, let me know how your handling this, i like keeping contact with people similar to me in the same situation. maybe one of you will get to me and help change my mind. this is just the only logical way of living a normal life :???: fml.

thanks again,

- Q 8)

ps. these smiles are awesome! :love:

They way you analyze things reminds me of a good friend of mine...lol..

Now when i said "F someones life up" i didnt mean it litterally im talking about all the emotional distress that comes with knowing you have no control over something thats going to be with you your entire life. I found a year ago exactly, and as far as my obs go, well when i had the first one it was really minor so much that the dr was ready to tell me it was a rash. but i insisted on the test and since then i have had some that are terrible and last for weeks and then ive had some that are like small cuts and go away pretty quick. i had them under control till about 2 weeks ago i was dating an asswhole to say the least, when he started putting pressure on me to have sex i started to panic and what do you kno an ob. so i had to let him go . So as you can see im not really stopping my life i continue pretty much the same but H is always on my mind constantly. And you know what i did the same exact thing as you when i began to read and search for info and pics of H, i started thinking back to little things i remembered here and there. I do too remember when i was in that 7 year relationship i would get a little "cut" here and there but i used to shave all the time because thats how he liked it so i wrote it off as a cut from shaving too much.Tho i cant really recall if i saw anything on his penis i recall many times when i wanted to have sex and he'd say no and push me away and id argue with him. So who knows maybe i too got it that many years ago and it just showed its ugly face now. They say stressful situations bring it out and around the time it surfaced id just lost an important person in my life to cancer and was having a hard time coping. But like I always say whats done is done....im just trying to move on with my life. I dont take any medication because tho i have an awesome job their insurance is too expensive and i cant afford it. so i dont have insurance, I just "MAN UP" and deal with the pain... If it gets too bad(it usually does) i take some pain killers. i recently sent for dynamiclear(its in the mail) first time trying anything so lets see how that goes. Im happy that there is someone that is kind of thinkin the same as me and is my age!...even tho ive known since last year this the first time im actually facing the reality that H is here to stay!...

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dancinfreak75

its hard to deal

hey Qdog... i just wanted to share something with u... i was with a man at age 15, i married and had kids at 20 and lived to serve him for 10 years after that til i was 30 and wised up and decided to go be myself... i moved away for 2 years.. didnt really date much but concentrated on me and gettin a career to raise 2 kids alone. then i moved back to the city and met a guy to help pay bills and moved him in for 2 years but needed freedom and booted him. so now for the last year at age 34 i FINALLY let myself feel confidant and sexy and wild. . i have been enjoying life fully and partying and hookin up when where and with whom i wanted....and BOOM i got herpes... fuckin unfair as hell! for the last fourteen years i have been takin care of physically handicapped son and holdin it down payin my own bills and what not... why the hell did i deserve this??? i am totally greiving my single life... i even went to the boyfriend i booted cuz he still want me... and im risking giving it to him with his knowledge... he doesnt care... he will take herpes if he can have me... i thought i might as well... but im rethinking things... i dont see myself hookin up anymore and its depressing but i dont want to lose who i am... im a great fuckin person with a good heart and mind and spirit...i should be able to be happy... and my recent life was happy.. but then i think... sex doesnt have to be big important thing to make me happy. my friends and family and home and kids can do that... it is a lifestyle change... but it may make u a better human being in the long run...and u may find that spending a lil time gettin to know sumone and teasing can be fun too... i dk i really am in emotional turmoil but trying to heal... good luck hun...

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QDogg

Krysty -->

So as you can see im not really stopping my life i continue pretty much the same but H is always on my mind constantly.

i know what you mean. its always on my mind too :*( i wake up and find myself laying there thinking about it. its actually quite depressing if i let it slip out of my mental control. sigh* but y? idk.

this question goes to everyone: i know there are severe cases out there. but besides those cases, is the worry, pain, depression, heartbreak, etc. due to the herpes itself, or is it the worry of the human interaction you "have" to have when trying to find a potential mate?? if it is more than just that, what else is it? i wanna know how this effects everyone out there differently. thanks.

even tho ive known since last year this the first time im actually facing the reality that H is here to stay!...

sucks doesn't it :( but i think its good that your facing that reality. even though it sucks so bad. so you said you've had it for a year, well you've known you have it for a year, can you tell me about that year? here let me ask specific questions hopefully you can answer honestly. ps. if you dont want to here, send me a PM.

> were you in a relationship during that time? if not, did you have a sexlife at all? if so did you tell them about this? take any precautions?

you say your finally accepting the reality of it, does that mean you just basically ignored it and lived on as if you didn't have it?

thanks krystyna. btw, thats an interesting way of spelling that name. i like it :)

dancin freak -->

i FINALLY let myself feel confidant and sexy and wild. . i have been enjoying life fully and partying and hookin up when where and with whom i wanted....and BOOM i got herpes... fuckin unfair as hell! for the last fourteen years i have been takin care of physically handicapped son and holdin it down payin my own bills and what not... why the hell did i deserve this???

first of all, i wanna say i too am a dancing machine! :D

ok, so yeah we kinda share a similar story it seems. i wish it was a easy for men as it is women to "let loose" and wild, if it we're i'd be living that lifestyle since 17 ha. but nope, in my case i didn't let myself be with women, i had to learn. i've studies human attraction, human mating, evolutionary psychology, the psychology of flirting, NLP (neuro linguistic programming) btw knowing a bit about NLP has allowed me to deal with this in a healthy way, i recommend anyone out there to get into this. its not at all H specific, its more so how to explore your brain, how it works, how to control it, and how to consciously process information that life throws at you in an effort to control how your life turns out. kinda hard to describe but life changing for me. "Neuro linguistic programming for dummies" is a good place to start. i digress.. anyway as i was saying after studying all this a bit, i put it into practice. and it worked. i had a better understanding of how women thought, how they react to certain situations, how they flirt, how they accept flirtations, how they give off signals and how to react to those signals, realizing its not really that hard to start a sexual relationship with a girl if you know what your doing, and all this commitment free, yada yada yada. i found this totally fascinating, still fucking do, and as a bonus this new acquired knowledge tally boosted my sexlife. i've never had so many consistent sexual relationships in my life. obviously as a man, i'm like HELL YES! FINALLY!

then herpes. surprise surprise.

and all this in a 6 month period. anyway i feel like i just got a taste of that lyfestyle, and i loved it. i was fascinated with it. fascinated with women in general. which is why its so hard for me to accept that i might have to leave that behind. :(

i think our stories are similar in that sense.

we all process and filter information that life throws at us differently. i feel that if you decide to think of this in a way that you feel its unfair and you didn't deserve this etc., your going to make it harder on yourself. its going to drive you to depression. if you initially think of this situation in that mind frame, then thats how your choosing to let it effect your life. we can't control what life throws at us, but we CAN control how we process that information and thus how we will LET it effect our lives.

i know not everyone thinks like this, but hopefully you can feel what i'm trying to say. its OK. keep your head up! shit happens.

your a religious person i assume?

i am totally greiving my single life... i even went to the boyfriend i booted cuz he still want me... and im risking giving it to him with his knowledge... he doesnt care... he will take herpes if he can have me... i thought i might as well... but im rethinking things... i dont see myself hookin up anymore and its depressing but i dont want to lose who i am... im a great fuckin person with a good heart and mind and spirit...i should be able to be happy... and my recent life was happy.. but then i think... sex doesnt have to be big important thing to make me happy. my friends and family and home and kids can do that... it is a lifestyle change... but it may make u a better human being in the long run...and u may find that spending a lil time gettin to know sumone and teasing can be fun too... i dk i really am in emotional turmoil but trying to heal... good luck hun...

you see i guess i never really put it like this, and now that i think about it i probably seem like i just like to rack em' up and put all these notches on my belt. guys, its not totally like that. why do most get into, or stay in relationships? because no one wants to be alone, and because people feel as if they let that person go, they may not find someone as good or better. so they stay with that person. and not to mention just the though of being alone. how many people out there are in, or have stayin in a relationship for these reasons? i know till about 6 months ago, i was that guy.

now by me being with many women, i'm filtering and assessing along the way. the more girls, and personalities i interact with, the more i know what i really want in a long term mate. the more girls i'm with, the more significant it will be when someone stands out. ultimately i want to be in love and in a relationship. i know it doesnt seem like it with previous posts. but now i guess your a little more into my head.

being with numerous girls has allowed me to be picky, and have high standards that that 'one' must meet. how awesome is that. how awesome is it to have the mind frame that I'M choosing, not SETTLING, as many of us have been in the past, and maybe are in now.

this is why i don't want to let this go. i don't want to just hope that the person or people that accept me with this, which i know are gonna be few and far inbetween, i don't want to just take a 'chance' and be with them because i'm afraid i wont find someone else. does that make sense? i want to choose from the bunch, not take a chance with one, and hope for the best you know.

dancinfreak, don't settle. i know you can figure something else out. but don't settle. we're all here, including me, for support when you need it.

YOU GUYS OUT THERE ARE THE ONLY ONES I TALK TO ABOUT ALL THIS. WITHOUT YOU I WOULD BE LOST AND ALONE, AND ITS JUST SAD THINKING ABOUT BEING ALONE WITH THIS.

THANKS!!!! <333333333

i feel like i got so much more, but i've been typing for an hour and my eyes are tired.

thanks for the responses. i'm surprised i havent gotten chewed out yet :)

i guess even though we all have different views of how to handle this, we all share a common pain and stress. good to know we're not alone.

thats all for now. peace.

_Q doggy

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brokenhearted
Brokenhearted, i'm just curious on the basis of this statement. why the desire to 'out' him? would that make you feel better? with that change anything? i'm just curious why you have these emotions. idk but if i somehow found out who gave it to me i don't think i would be pissed. shit happens. especially now knowing how common it is.

and whats with the whole "giver" thing. lol sounds like something i would hear in the movies.

you have a lot of anger, resentment, and vengense associated with your condition. why is that?

why? well, i would say it's the obvious, but then it's maybe more than that. It's how little it mattered that he tore away all the things you say you now will be missing. And how easily he carries on doing it to others. Not enough reason yet?

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dancinfreak75

i feel u

i too, am a creature of sponging knowledge from my surroundings at all times... i loved meeting new and varied sorts of guys.. it did give me a better understanding of what i wouldnt settle for .. i even listed the things i will come to need from a person and the only way i found that out was through trial and error and having a variety of like and dislikes i never would have thought about if i didnt get the first hand knowledge from meeting different people. i learned from every guy i met and talked to and slept with. it made me stronger in my belief that there will come a time that i will want to settle down again but not til i was ready and sure of the lucky mf i picked. and im not ready...sigh... i dont want to settle with ex boyfriend. couldnt tell anyone else. and i knew he was still stuck on me enough to jump in herpes and all... that really isnt fair of me. but the thought of masterbating for rest my life is awful... to never kiss and touch and grind??? i felt like I better take the one I told and is willing... geeez this is tough. i only just found out a month ago. never had outbreak. and now since they told me i feel like my va jay jay is messed up.. like omg somethings coming soon...and not to mention the phone calls and texts i get that i have to turn down. i dont want to go out and be tempted. im scared of the alcohol and desire and then im a total asshole for being with someone who doesnt know... wtf... how do i now get be alone saint or infected asshole?? dont get me wrong, i will figure it all out..but its fresh and i havent gotten to point where im like ok, i got it, life goes on... im mad as hell and want to go back and never fuckin know i had it.. like most people who spread it are oblivious... ignorance really can be bliss... chao and thanks for your words.. i felt connected to u somewhat and that was first thread reply u lucky Qdog lol xoxo

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dancinfreak75

and no

oh and p.s. i am not a relgious person at all Qdog.. i actually was a biology major in college and am into science and physchology.

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beachbum1

dont get close

For me, I wasn't promiscuous...just with my boyfriend and now with the virus I have I can't even get close to ppl let alone think about having sex and possibly infecting someone I care about. It's a hard thing to deal with and it will never go away. Depressed is a nice word for how I feel but every day I try to pick myself back up and pretend that I'm not sick and sad and disgusted with myself.

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RealisticGal

thanks for the responses. i'm surprised i havent gotten chewed out yet :)

i guess even though we all have different views of how to handle this, we all share a common pain and stress. good to know we're not alone.

_Q doggy

Qd, I think the reason you aren't getting pounced on (by some of us) is because your posts have made it pretty clear you are still working this all out in your head --- and using this board as a place to examine all your thoughts. Even though you have raised the specter of not disclosing, it has seemed that you were just airing out the the thoughts going through your brain. Despite the fact that you have confessed these ideas, you have also said repeatedly that you don't think failing to disclose would be right and you doubt you could go there.

Those of us who have not (yet) chewed you a new one are waiting with baited breath, in the hopes that you allow that measure of reasonable doubt to guide your decision-making process.

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