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californialove88

when its time

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californialove88

im scared that when the time comes for me to have kids i wont be able to because of herpes.i want to be able to have kids of my own without having to worry about them getting anything.I want to make it to the point in a relationship with someone where i will be married and having children with them without anyone else suffering consequences for the mistakes i made in my past.

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RealisticGal

Relax, you can have kids

When you get ready to have kids, you can. The docs will do an exam of your birth canal when you get near to term, to determine if you have any lesions at that time. If so, they will schedule you for a C-section.

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californialove88

thanks

Thanks,even though i can still have kids,i still get paranoid.

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RealisticGal

You speak of mistakes you made in your past. This sounds to me like you are placing a lot of blame on yourself for contracting herpes.

Oh, sure. Sometimes we all take risky actions. But that isn't necessary when it comes to herpes.

Herpes can happen to anyone. It doesn't matter so much about good or bad decisions. Many of those who have herpes had little to no information about it and thought they were being totally "safe." Many trusted partners who claimed to have been tested clear of all STIs, without knowing that herpes is not usually screened. This is not common knowledge --- and that isn't our fault.

At any rate, it sounds like you are currently not accepting yourself (because you have herpes). I think if you can get to the point where you love yourself, accept yourself, absolve yourself of blame, you should be able to leave the paranoia and fear behind as well.

Oh, dear. I think I'm starting to sound like a pop psychologist.

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californialove88

Lol you dont sound like a pop psychologist at all.It is awesome advice and you are great at giving it.I have pretty much always blamed myself for getting herpes because i should have seen something like this coming with the partner i was with at the time.he had cheated on me and i decided to stay and i made the decision of trusting him when i shouldnt have,i just thank and pray to god that i only came out with this and nothing else,but at the same time i dont understand why its soo hard for me to accept that its here.i guess its just because of the situation and how i think now of how i could have prevented it.

thanks again

even though i dont know you very well,this means a lot to me and your advice i have truely taken to heart :)

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RealisticGal

Hey, we Cal gals gotta stick together! :flowers:

Seriously, we all do make mistakes. Often, it has to do with wanting to believe the best of someone else, and wanting love in our lives. All we can do is move past it and carry on with our lives. And we CAN make things better in the future. Herpes won't stop us from doing so. It's just a speed bump.

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