Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

when is it safe? need some help

4 posts in this topic

I dont know if this question belongs in this section or not. My wife had her first cold sore two days ago and is currently still active. weve been together for some time now and sexually active as well only with each other. Ive never had one breakout in my life but that does not mean i might not have it. I love her to death and that doesnt bother me but she will not kiss me until according to her its "safe for me".

When it is actually safe for me to kiss her? WIll the cold sore be a different color? size?

She feels kind of down because we are usually hugging kissing and spending affectionate time together but because of this she kinda wants to keep the kissing part aside.

im sure ima get it eventually if i dont have it already but My concern is to make her happy.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello and welcome :D

It is normal for your wife to want to refrain from kissing during this time. Not only is the chance of transmission quite high, but it is never a nice time for the sufferer - take it from me!

So back on to the cold sores. They go through a process and unfortunately not any stage can be rushed otherwise it just prolongs the healing time. I get mine on my nose, but even then I have not let a bf even kiss me in the past at times like that. Cold sores usually form blisters which will ooze pus. At that stage they are full of infection and should not be touched. Once the weeping has subsided, it will start to form yellow/gold crusting. At the end of that stage, the lesion starts drying up, and only at that time does it spell the end of the infectious stage but I have normally waited until the dry scab has completely come off. It will still be red on the surface after the scab has been removed (and she must not do that too early!) but it is not as contagious as during the above processes.

She could also speak to her doctor about being on suppressive therapy which further reduces the chances of transmission to a non herpes partner such as yourself.

May I also suggest some remedies that I have found helpful in reducing the chance of outbreaks..and since I have applied these notions I have not had an outbreak which is huge for me considering I usually have one about every 3 months. My new doctor swears black and blue that oral herpes has two triggers only - too much sunlight and lack of vitamin C. So now I take 3 vitamin C tablets a day, and I also cover my face with sunscreen before I put foundation on etc. In your wife's case, she would also be wise to buy some SPF lip balm and always apply it before she heads out into the sun, even just to water the garden and go to the mail box, not necessarily just when she goes out to the shops etc. She needs to apply it every day, sun or no sun. As I get my infections on my nose, I always ensure the entire area is covered with sunscreen..even up my nostrils lol as I have had outbreaks there too in the past.

Your wife may find that she also has other triggers and most of us do, and as I suggest to others - ensure she eats well, exercises and gets plenty of sleep and that will help her too.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Now what if she has a cold sore and kisses me on other parts of my body not necessarily my lips? Like my arm or cheek? Will I still get it.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
I dont know if this question belongs in this section or not. My wife had her first cold sore two days ago and is currently still active. weve been together for some time now and sexually active as well only with each other. Ive never had one breakout in my life but that does not mean i might not have it.

Why not go get a type specific blood test so you will know whether or not you already have herpes?

If you do, as about 80% of the North American population does, then you can both relax about it.

But I still wouldn't blame her if she doesn't want to get cozy while she has active sores. :(

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

  • Latest Buzz

    • faithandhope55
      what does worry me is I have had cold sores too yrs ago so what if that is the hsv2 virus as well and my child has drank after me or used my lip balm.  this was all befor ai knew i had it.
    • hopeful Rylee
      I feel rge same way. I was excited, until his response to my question about crispr. About how long away is crispr? Any one know?
    • brookeb300
      Ok - would taking precautions be like using condoms every time you have sex?  Idk i know im going to try to its difficult.
    • Lisajd
      Its skin to skin contact so with hsv2 you wont pass it unless hes exposed to your genitals which im assuming would not occur.  You have no worries.  
    • boricacid
      This is very good advice. He's a complicated fellow. 
    • Hester
      I'm waiting at least a year before I have sex again
    • YammyTea
      I'm a single parent as well.  @faithandhope55 I checked his mouth one day when he bit his cheek and my mind continues to worry.
    • SomethingsUp
      @gonnakillher that sounds so much like my experience, it's crazy. I have less symptoms - but the occasional swollen (2x in the left groin for me) lymph nodes, the lower body nerve pains, the lower back pain (worst right after encounter), the arm shocking. I have no itching skin symptoms (just some sensitivity sometimes) but have some ear ringing, muscle twitches.... And the thing is, I really want to believe I don't have it.

      I cling to the fact that she had HSV-2 for eight years, confirmed, and never knowingly passed it. I cling to the fact that I remember some minor back pains when I was sick a few weeks before the encounter, and that never totally went away. I cling to the fact that I'm a long time vegan and could have B12 deficiency (tough I took superdoses of B12 since April almost daily). I REALLY cling to the fact that I had a left eye twitch before the encounter, even if it got worse.

      I really really want to believe it's not herpes. I want to believe that getting intimate with a woman I really liked who was HSV positive after only a month and a half of dating was not an awful mistake. I try to convince myself that maybe I've had swollen lymph nodes in my groin before but never touched it enough to know. I do, after all, have swollen lymph nodes in my neck that I notice. I've even written off several potential lesions as cystic acne (which I get regularly, and know exactly how it looks and feels). I say all of that to say that I get frustrated when people say "why do you want to believe it's herpes?" just because I'm curious after a negative test 14+ weeks out. I really, really don't want it to be herpes. I have the tendency to try to believe I'm OK.  But all of these brand new sensations. The nerve pains all over my body, the lymph nodes, the leg muscle twitches - all started four days after exposure. The fact that the initial sensations were different and closer to my groin than the subsequent ones. That's scary to me. And it's so close to what you describe @gonnakillher.

      Just really hoping the stretches occasional minor eye twitches, along with the very short stretch of heart papiltations that I got a month or two before exposure developed into something and this is all a series of coincidences that came mysteriously tumbling down only days after having sex. I don't know when I'll have closure.

      The sad part is, I'm terrified of the stigma. Dating. These symptoms are not life altering in the slightest. I'm 30 and know a few women I'm interested in. They're interested in me. I don't know how to proceed.
    • Lisajd
      The first 6 to 12 months is higher possibility of transmission hence why hes ended up with it.  Some transmit and some dont but he did make the choice.  I have seen other situations such as this and the guys do end up.struggling with it...but hey we all do.   @Hester anti virals and condoms reduce risk but also its about you understanding your body and symptoms
    • Hester
      Would hsv2 show up that far away from the genital area?  Could you go to Planned Patent hood and have them swab it?
  • Featured