should i just put a bullet in my head now?

[Guest Guest]

i just got diagnosed a few days ago. Ive been looking at this site and the same thoughts keep popping up in my head. and trust me, this is my vice so none of you take this personally please. When i hear things like "the talk" all I can think is me telling some one something very personal and trying to convince them to sleep with me, wether using love or whatever as an excuse. I think if I really loved some one and they loved me and they wanted to sleep with me nonetheless, I still wouldnt do it. If you love some one why would you put them in that situation anyway. Plus if it doesnt work out or they reject you because of it, more than likely that person is gonna tell everyone else about it and then your just barred for life from any sexual relations, and then your friends will look at you differently. And I dont want to hear that "well then they arent really your friends anyway", cause thats not true. If my best friend had come up and told me he had herpes, Id look at him differently, of course hed still be my friend, but i would definitely change my perception of him. Thus, I am not telling anyone I know. Luckily im not sexually active and havent been for awhile. Its going to drive me insane knowing that I probably should never ever ever have sex again. I love sex, probably why im in this position. Its frustrating when you think that maybe you want to be in love or have a family and now all of that is just a dream and nothing more. I know im being negative but what else can I be. Its only been two days and I dont have anyone to talk to so im on this damn site just to prevent blowing my brains out all over my wall. If I believed in god id say that this must be some sort of punishment, but good thing im agnostic/borderline athiest. well theres my little ditty say what u will. I dont mean to offend anyone, im just expressing myself cause if i dont im gonna lose it. peace.

[Uno]

People understand your post and . . .

HR,

People understand your post and and how you feel right now. I will not offer any pollyanna-ish sounding comments. I will say, no matter what, change is inevitable (I Ching).

Over time, your perspective WILL change, all things do. And, slowly, your feelings will change. Plenty of people REALLY do find "partners" by taking the "h dating route." They look for other people who are in the same boat -- not what you want to hear now, but, down the line, you may want to check this out.

Hang in there.

Tom

[lubrcate]

You know what, I feel tyhe same way you do man, if you are still alive. I don't know if you blew your brains out already. I love sex, and I don't want to have to use condom to enjoy it! But now I have to, if I even get any that is. I know this sounds really bad, but I hope soon, the whole population gets it, and then we won't be minorities anymore.

[gutted.]

look at the facts, we aint a minoritie anyway..

i found true love with this affliction, my new current partner does not carry the HSV virus, however i do understand what you are saying, but at the end of the day, i aint gonna let this virus rule my life, im 25, ill be dammed if im giving up on the things i love....

simple really, when u go for girls now, u need to be sure they are not immature or loudmouthed....

chances are they will have sum sort of the HSV virus anyway.

chin up mate, all is not lost...

[daphne]

keep trying

Hi,

I am a young female and I had a really hard time with self esteem when I was first diagnosed. But I have dated several guys who did NOT have a problem with my diagnosis. It's definately a hard "talk" to have everytime you date some one new, but you change your dating attitude I believe. So as a female I would hope that other females would be as open minded and understanding and several young fellows have been with me. If they are not, they are not worth your time and you should move on.

good luck,

d

[lubrcate]

I've heard great success stories, but they were from female diaries. To be honest, I'm not interested in hearing many women's success stories because I'm not a woman. I'm a male and I am interested in their dating success with this disease..

[desperate]

I feel exactly where u are coming from but with time you will feel better about your self. I have been diagnosed for alittle over a month now. I spend most of my time on the internet searching for a cure. All you can do is believe that someday there will be a cure & beside u are 1 in millions that have it. Just stay up man, there are worst things out there.....

[lubrcate]

Yes, probably the only thing in the world that could change this is a CURE, or a VACCINE.

[gutted.]

I wouldnt mind having this silly virus if i cuald be sure of not giving it to anyone..

im a bloke by the way lubrcate - i found love.

[lubrcate]

I don't anyone would really mind having the virus itself. I think the most reason people care is because the virus is CONTAGIOUS. If the virus was not transmittable, I could care less. That's why people aren't afraid to get near people with cancer. Cancer is contagious.

[desperate]

They are working on a vaccin for people that don't have it not to get it from us. I think that would be great!

[georgina_1987]

omg dont be so silly

!!

HERPES IS NOT THAT BAD AT ALL

take the right meds/vits and u wont even know you have it anymore!!

c'mon its not hiv or aids! I HAD MY HIV TEST TODAY - NEGETIVE! I FELT LIEK THE LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD, REGARDLESS OF HERPES!

its just like lip sores, just on your tush/willy wonka.

u will be FINE!

after 7-10 years, they say transmitting it will be lower than ever anyway,

i' msure they will be a cure in the next 5 years

so just relax

and research

try different things

and stop thinking those things!

[lubrcate]

In reply to your response girlie,

Yes Herpes is overrrated. It really isn't as bad as the media and medical pictures make it out to be. The pictures just show the extreme cases, and on average, it looks much milder. Heck, most people don't even know they have it!

The problem is with the way herpes is viewed in society. The word "herpes" evokes fear and disgust in the reactions of typical people. People think about those images and freak out, even though they themselves may have it and be unaware. I don't think you can really change that, or at least it will be really difficult to change societal views on the disease. It's like changing the ideal beauty image of the media being portrayed as an overweight person rather than someone who is slim.

[Caliope]

I think a good attitude can go a long way toward reducing ob's. Emotions can certainly make ob's worse or show up when you least expect them to. It makes no sense to freak out non-stop and ruin the quality of your life over a virus. Live each day to the fullest.

But don't be deceived it is also possible to go many years without an ob and then one day BAMM you have something major and it is as bad as the photo's and it is uncomfortable as hell. And yes 10 or 11 years can pass and you suddenly can have ob's for months on end. Not to mention the blinding headaches and shooting back pains that can accompany it.

For some people it is no big deal and for others it is a major problem that doesn't go away just because you do everything right.

Hopefully they will have better medications in 5 years but if there are no cures whatsoever for any viruses then I wouldn't hold my breath on that one. The vaccine for chicken pox is being considered a failure and I'm hoping the same thing doesn't end up being true about the HPV vaccine 10 years down the road.

Herpes is a cytomegalovirus and it has been around for centuries and it is infecting people in epidemic proportions.

What i'd like is a medication that can keep it from shedding, stop ob's altogether and keep it from popping up again when I'm a senior citizen.

[seriously_bummed]

hey you're not alone

i just got diagnosed a few days ago. Ive been looking at this site and the same thoughts keep popping up in my head. and trust me, this is my vice so none of you take this personally please. When i hear things like "the talk" all I can think is me telling some one something very personal and trying to convince them to sleep with me, wether using love or whatever as an excuse. I think if I really loved some one and they loved me and they wanted to sleep with me nonetheless, I still wouldnt do it. If you love some one why would you put them in that situation anyway. Plus if it doesnt work out or they reject you because of it, more than likely that person is gonna tell everyone else about it and then your just barred for life from any sexual relations, and then your friends will look at you differently. And I dont want to hear that "well then they arent really your friends anyway", cause thats not true. If my best friend had come up and told me he had herpes, Id look at him differently, of course hed still be my friend, but i would definitely change my perception of him. Thus, I am not telling anyone I know. Luckily im not sexually active and havent been for awhile. Its going to drive me insane knowing that I probably should never ever ever have sex again. I love sex, probably why im in this position. Its frustrating when you think that maybe you want to be in love or have a family and now all of that is just a dream and nothing more. I know im being negative but what else can I be. Its only been two days and I dont have anyone to talk to so im on this damn site just to prevent blowing my brains out all over my wall. If I believed in god id say that this must be some sort of punishment, but good thing im agnostic/borderline athiest. well theres my little ditty say what u will. I dont mean to offend anyone, im just expressing myself cause if i dont im gonna lose it. peace.

I'm right there with you. It's all I can do to hold it together....at least you're not faced with the task of telling the person you're currently with...that's something I'm about to go through.

[seriously_bummed]

Freaking Out!!!

guys....If you didn't have it...and your girl did...what would be the best way for her to tell you? I'm in that position right now and really love the guy I'm with and I really don't wan to lose him because I have HSV.

[Caliope]

here's a link to some suggested ways to tell a partner.

http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/tell_partner.htm

[lubrcate]

I was at that point too. But you know what got me thinking? 1 out of 4 people have genital herpes. You know what, I don't know if you're a guy or girl. I'm a guy. If a girl rejects me because I tell her I have herpes, screw her! There's a decent probability she already has the virus and just doesn't know it, or there's a probability that she will catch it with the next guy she gets involved with that doesn't know he has it. More than half (about 75% I read) of the people with genital herpes don't know they have it! So let her go sleep someone else and get the disease from them. The guy may not know he has herpes, so he doesn't take steps to go on suppressive therapy to reduce transmission.

Bottom line, if she is truly looking for someone to settle down with, she will look beyond your herpes.

If she is not looking for anything serious, she is shallow, just wants to have fun and have casual sex, she may reject you but she is likely catch it later down the road with some other dude.

If she is looking to settle down with someone who doesn't have the disease, there is a chance that she may find someone, fall in love, and catch the virus anyways simply because that person did not know he had it (or he may just be a dishonest person).

Ultimately, there is no way to completely avoid this virus! If your partner knows s/he has it, they are likely to be educated about it, and use suppressive therapy to reduce the risk of transmission.

If you get rejected by your date and she finds another "dude", she will be at a higher risk with that "dude" if has herpes and is unaware than she would have been with you.

Get my point?