Real Stories from the Non H View

[Gayla]

I'd love to hear/read some input from those who love and care about a person with herpes.

It's easy for us with herpes to sit here and think we know what we know, but it should be considered what our loved ones go through as well.

Perhaps if we better understood the other side, it could open doors for much better communication.

Hope to hear from many of you.

Feel free to email me privately if you like.

My email is gayla at herpesonline.org

Gayla

[clark70]

I am in love with someone who has the HSV virus and I need info about the diesase can anybody stir me in the right direction.Thanks.

[HISGIRL]

NON HERPES PERSON

I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH SOME ONE WHO TOLD ME PRETTY MUCH RIGHT OFF THE BAT THAT THEY HAD THE DISEASE.

I ALREAD HAD A STRONG ATTRTACTION TO THIS PERSON.

WHEN HE TOLD ME, I FELT MY HEART SINK, I THOUGHT IT WOULD CHANGE THE WAY I FELT. IT DID NOT. I LOVE THIS PERSON.

I DO NOT HAVE HERPES, I AM SCARED, I HAVE NOT HAD SEX WITH THIS PERSON. BUT, I WANT TO, BECAUSE I LOVE THE PERSON. I AM SCARED

[schaeffz]

HISGIRL,

I'm a HERGUY.

It is likley that my perspective is different.

My gal is infected and it is under control with Valtrex. She has maybe one very minor outbreak a year. We have not yet had intercourse, but we have had wonderful 3rd-base love-making. We are planning on marriage in about a year. Meanwhile, she has been reluctant and somewhat frightened with giving me the disease, especially with the mostly unlikely possibilty that we will break up. I am a widowed 56 year old, and I have found in this wonderful woman my second life's love. I am not afraid at all of getting the virus. Meanwhile, we are getting close to beginning protected intercourse. Using a condom is not a necessary thing for me, but she will feel better about it. I actually hope I do get the virus. If you read around this websight, you find that loving couples who both have the virus under control have totally normal sexual relationships, except at outbreak times, and you'll see that love carries people thru those short times. I suppose we will use the condom and probably with some anxiousness wait and see if I get the virus. Of course with the condom's protection, it will likely not break out at the most sensitive private areas. Once the outbreak occurs, with treatment and some more time for antibodies to build up, then noraml life can begin. Once we are married and maybe even before based on how my gal feels about it, if I have not yet gotten the virus from her, we will begin unprotected sex. I like the one couple's view they they have "His and Her-pes". To look at it with loving eyes, this disease is nearly not the bad thing you may think now.

Meanwhile, you are the uninfected woman in your situation. You may be younger than me, and your relationship with the guy may not be as firm as mine. I will tell you only this. My gal's experience with uninfected guys has been pretty negative before I came along. Rejection is hard. Approaching the subject with a new friend is hard. Feelings of dirtiness, etc. are hard. Also, I would think that your 3rd base sex options would be more limited with an infected guy than it is with an infected woman.

So, my general advice is to make certain that a guy is "the one" before you go too far with sex and expose yourself.

Trying to help,

Mike

[MikeTwo]

Soulmates

I dated a girl back in college who I loved, but our long distance (900 miles) became too much of a problem (for me) and we broke-up. Ironically, she was a virgin and I was promiscuous throughout my college days and she ended up getting herpes! The person she dated after me gave it to her intentionally after they dated for several years when she finally decided to have sex. I have HSV-1 (cold sores) and I have often wondered if this provided some protection (antibodies) from the HSV-2 (genital) type. I read where as many as 1/5 people have herpes, and it got me thinking, since I was with several partners, how did I not contract the genital virus? I understand too that I could be a carrier, but my partners have never contracted this virus...any explanations or opinions from an 'expert'?

[sweetpea]

Indiana,

I'm a newby. My boyf broke the news to me yesterday that he has herpes. We haven't had any type of sex yet. He contracted it 1.5 months ago and wanted to be totally honest with me. As much as I respect him for telling me, I couldn't help but feel completely crushed by this. I'm really sad right now b/c I feel like this virus isn't allowing me to have all of him. I've read a lot of the threads, facts, faq's but can't help but feel the same.

Anyways, I told him I thought it was terrible he has this virus but I'm not leaving him. I told him we'd work it out.

Eventhough I'm still sad, there's just too strong of a connection to throw what we have away. I want to see where things go. At the same time I'm still terrified I may contract H and we break up and life will never be the same.

Wish me luck.

[Drowning in a daydream]

Gonna make it

Best advice I can give you from the infected point of view is educate yourself. If what you have with oyur boyfriend is that important to you that you will continue your relationship then educate yourself. Think about how he is feeling right now. You dont have it but he does. The first few months of knowing you have this infection are the hardest ones to cope with. The feelings are really hard to get your mind around but after some time and education you begin to become ok with it. You can be supportive to him more so than anyone else can because you are his partner. There are ways to keep you from contracting this and I will again direct you to educating yourself. I have a lovely girlfriend who I have been with for some time now and it doesnt stop us from sharing ourselves with one another. This infection just makes you be terribly honest with yourself and your loved one. Think about it.... If you can get past this what cant you get past. It makes all the trivial shit seem like trivial shit when it wouldnt otherwise be that way. He told you! That in itself is a hard thing to do and to do so he had to put all that he has on the line with the very real possability that you would leave him. Please educate yourself along with him.. Make it a activity the two of you can do together so that you both have the same info and spend quality time together finding out how to make your lives together that much more enjoyable without worrying so much about this stupid ass cold sore. Good luck my friend