So scared

[Checkmate01]

I'm only 18 years old and I just started college. I went to Mexico one night with some friends and ended up getting drunk and hooking up with a 24 yr old guy. The problem is that I have a boyfriend, he's in Marine bootcamp right now. He is the only sex partner that I've had in my life excluding this one person from Mexico (Well not from Mexico, but I met him there). I'm almost positive (the only reason I'm not completely positive is because I haven't been tested yet, although I'm setting up an appointment tomorrow) that I have genital herpes from this 24 year old guy. I don't know what to do. Of course I have to tell him, but I'm totally in love with him. Yea, I know you're all smiling knowingly that the 18 yr old thinks she's in love, but honestly I could easily marry him and feel no regret. Anyway, do most people freak out when they hear that a partner has herpes? I mean, it's bad enough that I cheated on him, something I would absolutely never do sober mind you, but I guess that is irrelevant. Now we can't even be intimate. He probably won't want to see me after I tell him, but does anyone have any advice on what to say? I'm so sad, it's killing me to think about it. I've never felt so bad about anything in my life. I don't want to eat, or move, or do my work, or talk to anyone. How do you cope? I feel like I'll never get married and nobody will ever accept me. Will my life ever be as happy again? Or will I be constantly tormented by one stupid mistake? It seems like everyone here is fairly bothered by their infections even after some time of having them. I don't think I can live my life that way. I probably need a counselor, will that help? Why is this so shunned by society? It's not even that bad. How can you tell people? I feel so unclean like I'm rotting away or something. I am so sad. Someone help me, please. I feel so alone.

[Guest Guest]

A few of my friends know I have herpes as well as a few family members. This isn't something I have kept to myself. Of course I don't tell just anyone but for me talking about it with people who know me and care for me has helped. I refuse to be ashamed of something that could just as easily have happened to anybody. I don't exactly know why society looks at H the way it does, I just know it really isn't fair. I found out I had herpes over 6 months into my relationship with my boyfriend. I really had no idea I was infected before then. We're still together even though he doesn't have it. That doesn't mean it's easy. Our sex life has changed.. In fact, there's no sex. He tried, he really did, but he's so afraid of getting this from me that he stresses out afterwards and that makes it impossible. We both love each other very much and are hoping that this is a fear he can overcome but if not.. Right now we are seeing where things go I guess. I don't know how your boyfriend will react. Having to process the information that his gf has an STD is hard enough but knowing that she got it by cheating will make things even more difficult. He could reject you for cheating, he could reject you for having an STD, or he could forgive and accept you. You probably will want to talk to him in person and someplace private. I don't really think that there is a "good" way to tell him this though. You might start by saying that you made a terrible mistake that you regret for many reasons and go from there. I wish I had better advice. Having herpes really isn't the end of the world though. I'm not depressed that I have herpes if that gives you any hope. Sure, I wish I didn't but I do and those were the cards I was delt. I know that if things don't work out between my current boyfriend and I will be hurt and sad but I also know that someday I will find the kind of accepting and unconditional love I am looking for and really, I want nothing less than that. Herpes is kind of a way to screen for that I guess. If you feel you need it I think it really could help to talk to a counselor or maybe you just need to give yourself some time to accept this and cope with it on your own. You know yourself best though and so you know what you need.