I have it, boyfriend doesn't

[rnmichelle]

I am dating a great guy who knows about my genital H; he does not have it. We use condoms and are as safe as possible. I have infrequent outbreaks and am on suppressive therapy to reduce shedding & transmission to him. He is very supportive...he says that I am worth the risk, although he is understandably scared of contracting. If I even suspected that I was going to have an outbreak, I would tell him and we'd abstain. He knows that and trusts me.

The thing is...I have this baseline insecurity because of the H regardless of how fine things seem with him. I feel like it is my huge flaw (not that I don't have others, haha). I know if he were going to leave because of the herpes, that he would have already (we've been together for 10 months and he's known since week 3). However, I am scared of giving it to him, despite all the precautions.

He told me the other night that he had a "scare" last week that ended up being nothing. He often times doesn't wear underwear (lol) and got a "zipper rash" on his penis. He didn't intend to make me feel bad, but it made me feel awful (I didn't let him know this; I didn't want to make the H into a huge issue. I also didn't want to be needy and insecure.). I became consumed with "what ifs." It's like I'm scared he's going to leave me in fear of the H, and then I'm scared if he contracts it that he'll leave me for that, or even worse, feel stuck with me. Does that make sense to anyone? Am I just being irrationally insecure? I care for this guy so much...I'm not used to making myself emotionally vulnerable and the herpes just adds another dimension. Plus, obviously, I don't want to give this to him...I can't imagine how horrible I would feel.

Any sane advice out there?

Thanks,

Michelle

[aislin]

I don't know if i can give you any sane advice, but just tell you my story. kinda similar to yours.

when i started dating my bf, i told him about h and he said i was worth the risk, we've been together over 3 years and he got his first outbreak just about a week ago. i think i cried for 2 hours solid! i felt so guilty, but he said that it was ok, that he knew that there was a risk of it happenning at some stage. your bf seems pretty understanding as well. he wouldn't be with you if he didn't feel that the pros out way the cons. Maybe you should speak to him about how that scare worried you and let him know how you are feeling. A little bit of reassurance from him (that you are THE girl for him, and nothing will stop him from being with you!)will put your mind at ease.