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he knew i had it, got it and now starts with me!


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My boyfriend and I have been together since we were 13. We were eachothers first, everything, and i never thought i would be in this state now at 20, well this is what happend......

It was my senior year in high school and i felt that he was holding me back. So i broke up with him, i didn't want to resent him years down the line. While on our break i met this guy, we started dating and he gave me the big H! He had a cold sore on his lip, and gave me oral sex. You wana know what really sucks i didn't know that was possible. Well things didn't work out and my bf and i got back together, before we did i told him everything. That had to be the hardest confestion i ever made! About a month later he got it too. i felt like i ruined his life cause thats how i felt when i found out about my self. he reasured me that he still loved me and nothing could come between us. Now almost 2 years later i feel that some part of him hates me for this. he has had outbreaks since then but rightnow he's having a real bad one and is being a real dick to me like making comments about the past. I don't stick up for my self when he says them, a part of me feels that he has every right too then a part of me feels that it's not my fault i told him in the first place most people wouldn't tell the other person. PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE it's not easy to talk to him about it cause now it involves him too.

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I have no real "advice" but here are my reactions:

This is his personal problem and not yours. You did what so many people on this site wished someone had done for them: disclose your health status so that they can make an informed choice about their sexual conduct with you--and I think they should be using protection whether you did this or not. Your job is over, and its over because you can't save the world from itself. He is blaming you for how he exercised his own free will.

I have tired of hearing some males berate the females who infected them when they have 100% control over when and whether they have any sexual contact (unlike females) and in the majority of cases, they were not using condoms or other protections which might have prevented transmission, and had not taken the time to invest in a relationship wherein they may have become educated about the female's health status. Now here you are, telling the man outright that you have herpes, he contracts it as a result of his own free will, and now he's mad at you? So if a woman doesn't tell, and he gets infected, it's her fault. And if she does tell and he gets infected it's her fault. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. You can't win. And you can't win because you are dealing with a boy who wants the fringe benefits of manhood without the responsibility of manhood.

You left him before because you thought he was holding you back. Did you resume your relationship because you no longer felt that way? I ask because his behavior sounds consistent with somebody who would still be holding someone back.

His anger is misplaced and immature.

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He doesn't hold me back like he used to, but now since reading your reply i don't feel bad for calling his actions immature. I always felt as if they were, but people also have different ways of dealing with things and i thought that was his, which doesn't make it ok. Tonight im going to talk to him about everything. even though you said it wasn't advice, you had some good points and im going to bring them up. Thanks so much

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  • 5 weeks later...

well my man didnt know he had it until i got it I told him and he said sorry like he knew it must have been m=him because I wasnt with anyone esle at that time.I'm like your boyfriend I do feel resentful twords my man because I feel like I'm not sexy anymore and now I might not be able to ahve children. I know I shouldnt be mad maybe this is how my life was supposed to be. but I know how your man feels but if he loves u he will stick with u just like I have with my man. yes I did some cheating and infected a man that was my "friend" but I told him before hand and its his falt for beign stupid.so do be mad at your man he probley dose loveu

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