How did you tell your partner?

[bebe2323]

I am 22 year old single female with H. It's very hard dating for me... I almost feel why bother? its only going to end in me getting hurt and then feeling the shame of this awful thing. I was just wondering.... how did some of you guys tell someone you were dating about it? Dating and having H seems a little harder then being in a relationship already and finding out u have it. it just seems when ur already in a relationship there is unconditional love there already.....but when u are just dating thats not the case.... would be nice... but not us ually not the case. i mean... this sounds fucked up but should i just like maybe have sex and just use a condom? then if things prgress then tell? i mean thats like a trap and i cannot beleive i just said that or even though it... but i am very deperate right now. ADVICE PLEASE!!!!

[Guest Guest]

It wouldn't be fair to have sex first and disclose this later, condom or not. Besides, condoms are not 100%, not for pregnancy, not for this, and a person has the right to choose what they are willing to risk.

I was about six months into my relationship when I found out I had herpes. Believe, me, it's come with it's own set problems. It's been four months now since I found out and things are still difficult. Unconditional love has something to do with it but not everything in my opinion. My boyfriend loves me but he is AFRAID. I just can't sleep with him knowing how stressed out he is afterwards. We've broken up over this but that didn't work either.. So we're waiting to see if things somehow get better so we can move on.

It might actually have been easier if I had known I had herpes before we started dating. Sure, our relationship never would have progressed, in fact, things probably would have ended when he found out, but then we wouldn't be where we are now which is a state of limbo. Loving me just doesn't make him any less afraid and it makes it just that much harder to end things. We really can't stay like this forever.

If I ever have to tell someone I'm dating I have a pretty good idea how I'll do it. I've thought about this a lot in the past several months.

"I have to tell you something that's really hard for me to say. (long pause to work up some courage) I have herpes." I haven't thought about the middle part so much cause I'm sure that will depend out their reaction and if they have any questions. "I can't be with you if this is going to get in they way. So if this isn't something you can handle I will respect that, I just need to know."

I would rather get rejected up front by a long shot. Having love but not being able to have a "real" relationship and not knowing if things will improve is painful. We just keep hoping. By telling up front you'll be screening your partners... For someone who can accept you, all of you, and love you unconditionally. That's a love that's hard to come by but would you really want anything less?

[kelz23]

Up front and honest...

Whether you in a current relationship or looking for a partner to accept you, being upfront and totally honest with them is the only way to go.

I think the key to any relationship is being able to talk about these issues and resolve any fears/queries as best as possible.

I just recently found out I have H and telling my current boyfriend was the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. Before I told him, I was so scared he would feel differently towards me, reject me and not want to be with me physically anymore. But never the less, I called him and said that we needed to have talk about something important. I figured he might be a little more shocked than me since i had, had some time to absorb the news; so I just kept calm and tried my hardest not to show my fear.

I basically just sat him down, told him to grab a smoke (cuz he might need one- a little humor?), and said...I went to a doctor this arvo and she said I have an std. I have herpes. Straight down to the point...I told him what she had told me, showed him a pamphlet she had given me, told him to read it. I then talked with him about getting himself tested and perhaps thinking bout contacting previous sexual partners.

I guess you just gotta handle it tactfully and not make it sound like a death sentence.

[Gayla]

Having the talk...

Here's a little sample of what I have used...to be tweaked to your individual needs, but it's a little guideline is all

http://www.herpesonline.org/the_talk.html

And...

here's a little about my relationship, telling and marrying a Non-H Man.

http://www.herpesonline.org/ourstory.html

Hope this helps

Gayla