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am I an emotional jellyfish? do I not cope well? or are men just in denial. Don't mean to sound sexist, by no means am I, I'm just confused why there are minimal to no men posting. granted I'm to new and can't join the chat room yet. Maybe thats where there at.

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this is all new to me and naturally i am very concerned that women are less understanding when a man has Herpes. Like so many of us i got this from someone who didn't even no they had it and we were in a long term relationship. maybe it's my naivety, but i think society views this as a disease spread by unfaithful male partners. I am afraid I am doomed and will never be with someone that is understanding and knowledgable enough to still want to be in a relationship with me.

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I'd say from what I've read here that the women are not lacking any compassion or understanding when it comes to men. Nor are they categorically blaming men for the spread of herpes. In fact, I recall one guy who tried to blame women for being the chief miscreants behind the spread of herpes, since we are prone to get it more easily, thus more of us are affected. We had to bash him about the neck and shoulders a bit to have him understand about how we women have more mucous membrane area than you guys! ;)

I'd also say that the bulk of the social stigma I've seen has to do with "dirty, ****ty, promiscuous" women having herpes. Maybe that's only because I'm a woman that I note that side of the Big Lie. But really, society has always given men a pass when it comes to sexual behavior as compared to women. Surely you know that. It's okay for a man to be a "stud," but the same behavior in a woman would make her a "****."

But seriously, I've not seen much in the way of male bashing specifically along the lines of cheating males being the responsible parties. In fact, there are a number of women here who have confessed that they cheated and thus brought herpes back to their marriage.

Anywho, there really are quite a few guys here. Look for MrHonest and JBnATL. They are both moderators now, but even before that, they were super helpful guys on the forum.

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I am a man and got herpes from a girlfriend who decided to tell me after we had sex that she had herpes. Long after that, after I had been diagnosed I expressed to her my worry about future relationships. Her response was "you shouldn't be worried. girls will feel sorry for you and be like awwwww". She also said she thinks it's more likely for men to reject women than it is for women to reject men. Just a different perspective I guess. Not sure if I would take much stock in it considering she lied and I kind of wish she were floating off into outer space

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Like you I'm new to this and really scared about what will happen regarding relationships in the future (I'm not in one now and in fact have no idea how I got herpes, haven't had any sexual contact for over 3 months... must've been lying dormant) BUT it's my gut feeling that women would be no less understanding than men, or vice versa.

The trick is to choose the right person to tell, someone that is willing to understand- which means trusting someone. A difficult thing to do with a new boyfriend/girlfriend, especially as so many of us seem to have got herpes from people that lied/didn't tell us... but you have to have faith that there are great people out there who will not see this as a big deal. I'm not speaking from my own experience but from hundreds of other people, men and women, who have posted on this site. Herpes is a dirty word- I was terrified when I found out I had it- but, after reading up massively, I've realised that really the condition is not that bad at all and risk of transmission is low if you're careful. Anyone who deserves to be with you will hopefully be understanding, sympathetic, and do the same research that I did and realise that you are so much more important than this stupid, minor annoyance!

Good luck.

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    • sgt98
      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @sgt98 but there is no feasible infection or outbreak to suppress and antivirals do not suppress an initial outbreak in any event 
    • sgt98
      Thanks @WilsoInAus I understand apologies for this but the only other thing I am worried about is that I did take a course of Famvir on day 1 as I felt like I was having an outbreak of cold sores and am worried that has suppressed the initial outbreak genitally 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @sgt98 it is not feasible to obtain a HSV-2 infection from receiving oral sex - only HSV-1 is feasible but you've already got that and immunity from any further infection with HSV-1. You do not need any further tests for HSV. You're feeling regret, try to forgive yourself and calm down, let the rational take over. You know the answer here and it won't be long until you believe it too.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @NerdP423 and welcome to the website. You raise a lot of points and I think the best way to address your concerns is add some comments at each key point. I've copied your note again below and added these comments in square brackets. I appreciate any insight (even speculation) as to what has been going on with me. I'm a 37y/o M. I last was intimate with a new partner on 2/11/2022, and a few days later started having a huge amount of discomfort in my face. [The first thing that happens though is that herpes causes lesions or at least some skin based disruption. Other symptoms are then related to the actions of the immune system responding to the virus. Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. Never seen anything that looked like a traditional cold sore [that's extremely telling, even people with associated atypical symptoms will have experienced herpes lesions]. Occasionally, the left side of my face will have a momentary feeling of skin crawling, but it's so mild that I am not really worried about it. Downstairs: Thankfully, most of these are now milder than they were before. Occasional momentary pinch of pain at the base of my genitals. [herpes does not cause a general pinch feeling.] Aching pain in my boxer area (groin, leg folds) [nor this] Occasional feeling of cold in my boxer area, butt, or lower back. ( also in my shins and occasionally even my arms) [nor this] On 4/30/2022, I had been in discomfort for almost two months. I scratched an itch, noticed it hurt, and then checked - I did have an open ulcer down there. Took myself to the ER to get swabbed, came back negative. [If this was a PCR then this will be very conclusive.] Practitioner said it may come back negative because it was already open. However the lab report noted that it definitely didn't look like what you'd expect a typical first herpes outbreak to look like [how would the lab know??]. All blood tests negative so far. I had two western blots, the second one was nine months after exposure. [Two negative Westernblots!!! Many that's real convincing]. All other swabs also negative. I went to urgent care, because I know the timeliness of when the Swab is taken matters. One time, a swab was not done, because practitioner said it was folliculitis and wouldn't swab it (It was at my belt line). [Belt line is highly unlikely to relate to herpes.]   A blood test revealed I had low-ish B12 (technically in range, but at the very low end, especially for a man of my size). I had a series of B12 injections, and I am taking a B12 supplement. I am not taking any lysine or arginine at the moment. I was taking the Arganine to see if I could induce an outbreak. [This is irrelevant, there is no known linkage between herpes outbreaks and arginine/lysine intake - its a myth - and B12 infers nothing.] I think what I am asking is - has anyone here ever repeatedly tested negative over and over again over long period of time, before getting a definitive answer, be a positive test, or something else? [The answer to this is: Extremely few people with a HSV-1 infection and even more rarely HSV-2 test repeatedly negative on Westernblot and actually carry the virus. Of the cases that I know of that had delayed detection by a swab and negative blood tests in the meantime (and that's only 3-4 cases), they had some form of lesions within days of infection but did not obtain a swab for various reasons and then obtained a positive swab of a subsequent lesion with the record being 11 months later. A couple of the cases did have some 'background' symptoms they thought might be related to herpes but that isn't ascertained and some did not have any unusual symptoms at all apart from the lesions. Hence as you did not have lesions around your mouth or lips within days of the last sexual encounter as is exceptionally common for a primary oral HSV-1 infection, that pretty much rules out herpes orally as it is. The fact that you had no genital symptoms for a month also rules out genital herpes. I am not aware of anyone at all who has genuinely gone on to test positive by swab or blood in your specific circumstances. There are hundreds if not more than a thousand experiences on this website alone that are similar to yours that are truly negative for herpes I'm one of them!]  
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