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Wish I never found out


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I just found out a couple of weeks ago but I have never had any symptoms and I wish I didn't know. God knows when I got it. Nothing changed but now I am an outcast.

I wish no one cared. Why do people care so much about this? It doesn't seem to really matter that much to me. So many other things are more important.

My friend's boyfriend was just saying today about some girl he thinks is loose that she probably has some herpes or something, and he doesn't know this nice friend (me) sitting next to him has that thing he thinks is so filthy. It is so mean!!

I shrink from the guy I was interested in now. Such a nice man, too, it's a shame. I just don't have the personality capable of having the talk. It is so not helpful to me to see these tips how to have the talk and cheerfully stated how you should be courageous in the face of fear and potential rejection like you could be rejected anyway but I am just not that kind of person. I can't deal with that at all. Not at all. It is just impossible.

Is there anyone else who thinks the talk is impossible? I guess I should just try the online dating for herpes and forget about meeting people 'naturally'?

I feel like I lost myself and I am shrunken into a corner.

I hope everyone else here is having a great day, tho :-)

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I found out 5 months ago. I haven't seen anyone since. I felt much the same as you. It's awful. I am better now. I still am unsure about the whole talk thing. It's going to be really hard, I know. I'm sorry you are going through this...I'm sorry for all of us on here. My dr told me this is the "stupidest disease ever just because of the crazy stigma." I just love her, but it doesn't change the fact that it IS stigmatized and viewed as awful. I think you will get better in time. Good luck.

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In the second link, pay particular attention to the third paragraph of Dr. HHH's reply (and as a leading authority on STIs, this guy knows what he's talking about).

If anyone rejects you solely because you have a minor, largely benign, skin condition that affects 25% of the adult population, that says more about them (ignorant, judgemental and foolish) than it does about you.

And forget about "herpes dating". Or at the very least, don't restrict yourself to it. Because if you do you're allowing a pesky little virus (one of countless viruses and bacteria with which all of us share our bodies) to define you as a person. Remember: You have the "cold sore virus" - it doesn't have you!!

So talk to your man, you have nothing to lose. If he backs off, you're no worse off than you are now in terms of your potential relationship. But if he is such a nice guy, you may well find him to be much more understanding and open than you expect, and you'll be very pleasantly surprised.

Live long and prosper!

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Give yourself time. if your not ready to date then dont rush yourself. You will find comfort in yourself intime and when your mind and heart is ready to step out again then you will know it. Also, sometimes Mr Right does show up unanounced and without pursuit, then something stronger than chain will bind you and the little talk will be a part of your growth. If my wife had told me she had H2 when we were dating I would not have rejected her. She didnt and neither did I. Our dating relationship was not sexually motivated, I was not looking for a girlfreind and didnt want one, I had my own issues and scars to deal as did she. One day she told me her pain and I told her mine. It was emotional but we are still married 22 yrs later. I got H2 5 years ago during a moment of terrible indiscretion. Now we both have to deal with it. My wife is a wonderful woman who is very forgiving and our relationship is stronger than ever today. So, be patient, kind, understanding and dont underestimate powers of Love. Be humble and ask forgivenes if your freind is offended.

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Hi Sweet Velvet,

I am so sorry you're having such a hard time, and I really understand where you're coming from. I was diagnosed a little over a week ago, and I am completely heartbroken. I had just started to get excited about dating again, after a really painful break-up (with the person I think gave me herpes), and then I was hit with this diagnosis. The thought of even dating again, let alone having "the talk" with someone scares the hell out of me, and seems so far away right now. It's easy for me to think (and even state on this forum) that I will find someone who loves me one day, but right now I am just too heartbroken to actually even believe it. I've decided to just give myself time, and I hope that you allow yourself time, too. If that special guy cares about you, he'll understand that you need some space. Hope this reply hopes in some small way; if anything, it might help you feel not feel so alone.

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