new member

[Aloha86]

not sure what to say... ive been hiding this from family and friends.... tonight it hit me hard, i really like someone and told them and now i might loose them before they really gave me a chance...i messed up though by not telling them first... i havent allowed myself to think about this thing that has become a part of me, im so scared of it of how people i love will react to it that i havent even really accepted that its forever a part of me... i have had such a hard time as it is i hate that this has to be added to the pile of my baggage....... sometimes i feel like i dont deserve a good guy in my life, i tell myself the great guys they will never accept me :(i feel so low right now i dont know how to get back up

[d00m kitty]

awwwwwwwww big hugs Aloha............ you do deserve a good guy in your life & the great guys will accept you too. You'll be ok. We're here to support you, hugs again xx

[RealisticGal]

If it helps any, the feelings you are having are normal at this point. They certainly aren't true, but they are totally normal. It seems like almost everyone goes through the same kind of feelings for a while.

[Aloha86]

Thank you kitty and gal for being so kind. Last night I hit a low point and I knew I couldn't continue to deal with this on my own. I never really said hello or told my story...

I'm 24 and was diagnosed last year with HSV-1 last year. I was in a serious relationship and naturally when I had my first outbreak I told him, I also told my mom and sister. I just couldn't and still can't seem to find the strength to tell my dad...But my boyfriend at the time told me he would never leave my side, I was certain he was the one... He never got tested and the relationship became really bad, he treated me like I wasn't deserving and I eventually got up the strength to leave him. I immediately started dating afterwards, one of my close friends was right there to show me he was an accepting and whole hearted guy... I was open and honest with him about what I have and we went on to have a romantic relationship for a short time until he decided I wasn't worth being serious with....

I just recently jumped back into the dating scene and reconnected with an old friend from high school. All of the feelings were there, we were having a really hard time keeping our hands off of each other and I couldn't stop smiling when I saw him or heard from him... Last night I told him and he just sat there quiet... I said I was sorry and couldn't help but cry and he just sat there. When I left to go home he hugged me goodbye, there was nothing to say, I felt like I a horrible person... I exposed him to this without telling him immediately....I was so scared that someone so wonderful wouldn't want me that instead of telling him on day one I waited a week... I know I should have told him and I am kicking myself for it, I was and am just so scared of this thing that is apart of me...

I'm really glad I found this site, I think that in time and with help I will find acceptance...

[RealisticGal]

Awww, hon, you've had some sad experiences in the love department. Just remember, we all get rejections and failed relationships -- with or without herpes in the picture. I know that's not really much consolation.

So you say you have HSV1. Is it oral or genital?

Anyway, you certainly are not a horrible person. If your infection is oral, chances are this current guy already has it. About 80% of the North American population does, but about 70% of those don't even know it. If it is genital, there is also a pretty big group of folks who have that --- about 1 in 4 women or something like that.

And the bottom line is, sooner or later a man will come along who has the ability to figure that out.

In the meantime, remember that you are not herpes. That little virus should not define you. Have you read any of the links on the right side of this page? There are some real good ones there.

[Aloha86]

Its genital. I have been checking out all the links and am already starting to feel better... I can't thank you enough for the support its really helped me... This is the first time I have really put it all out there and its actually really helpful.

thank you again

[d00m kitty]

Thanks Aloha.............I also concur with what RG has said about the virus. And that, you are not herpes!! You are still you!!

hugs

xx

[Aloha86]

So its been almost a week since I told the guy I like about what I have and still nothing... I'm not sure what to do... I want to contact him but at the same time I feel like I should wait for him to contact me if and when he wants to. I was open and honest with him and it freaked him out to the point where he dropped me from his life completely... It hurts, and I know rejection is normal and I am coming to terms with the virus I have but it doesn't make it any easier...

[RealisticGal]

So its been almost a week since I told the guy I like about what I have and still nothing... I'm not sure what to do... I want to contact him but at the same time I feel like I should wait for him to contact me if and when he wants to. I was open and honest with him and it freaked him out to the point where he dropped me from his life completely... It hurts, and I know rejection is normal and I am coming to terms with the virus I have but it doesn't make it any easier...

There is really nothing that makes rejection easier to take other than time (in my own experience).

Do yourself a favor. Don't contact that guy. Don't chase him. It won't work, and will only make you feel worse. You may hear from him still. If you do, tap the brakes and just take things really slowly. That's just my own advice.

Best thing I can suggest --- take your focus completely off that guy. Start focusing on you. Get out and do some stuff you enjoy doing. Have some fun with your friends, family, special interest groups, classes, whatever. Get to know more about you and what you like. Amazingly enough, when you remove your focus from one single guy, you might be surprised by what happens...